my sky

it takes a while for life to settle back
into ripples of calm and visions
of beauty
after the shatters of a personal hurricane

my shatters of personal hurricanes.

there was a person who inspired my pain
who taught me to love
and taught me to die
and the inspirations were hell to obtain
the point where my expressions
turned dark blue
lurid and choked.

i stand now
with two fingers on my lips
my mind at wander
searching for the miniscules of reason i can
latch on to and have myself feel like
i can once more open my heart to hope
and light, and unfold the pages of my thoughts
to stop myself from crumpling.

but i am still afraid of stars
and the meaning they once held
afraid
that i will fall again for their
blinding light and find myself
under lightning.

the scariest part is when i begin to smile at thunder
screeching in my ear
because it is therapeutic
to my own demise.