Of Despair

Chilled by the wet wind
Finding no comfort
Disoriented, but lucid in the moment
Of despair
I know I'll overcome it
But it'll always be there

The weight
Not to heavy to not lift up
Nice & steady 'til you get a hunch
Back Quasimodo
Almost the standard measure of a human
Cold and alone, I seek seclusion
Simply afraid
Not wantin' to partake in the confusion

I stay awake
When all I really wanna do is rest
I hesitate
Gather myself & still overreact
I'm a mess!
In a messed up place
Where gloom is in charge of day-to-day operations
A lost state
Hope is still there
But that's all it is
A dream, a wish, & a prayer

So I'm forced to live with shadows
And have faith in the sun
With all the demons that I battle
I have faith in the Son
But what I see in front of me are obstacles
Barriers & roadblocks
Detours & scenic routes
Where does my X mark the spot?!
Even if I knew, could I dig it up
To find some treasure
Be my luck
To not suppose to want better

Weary & annoyed by the onslaught of pain
I recognize it & despise it just the same
It's gnawing... Never letting me forget it's here to stay
Calling, saying my name
Getting my attention in any kind of way
Then I self-medicate to get away, temporarily
~disDain~