deepundergroundpoetry.com
Take Me
Hold my hand. Don't you ever let go.
I'm scared and you know it.
Hold my hand, and hold me close.
I'm scared but I don't want to show it.
But it does. It shows oh so well.
And I hate it. Never have I been so exposed.
But I can't help it. It's a living hell.
And I have to live in it. I guess that's how life goes.
It feels like they're driving a knife into my heart,
Hug me so that it cannot reach my chest.
It feels like they're tearing me apart,
Hug me so that I hold together nonetheless.
But I'm falling to pieces,
I need you to stitch me back together.
But I can't bring myself to leave this,
I need you to carry me forever.
Take me home, dear child.
Take me, but don't take me alive.
I'm scared and you know it.
Hold my hand, and hold me close.
I'm scared but I don't want to show it.
But it does. It shows oh so well.
And I hate it. Never have I been so exposed.
But I can't help it. It's a living hell.
And I have to live in it. I guess that's how life goes.
It feels like they're driving a knife into my heart,
Hug me so that it cannot reach my chest.
It feels like they're tearing me apart,
Hug me so that I hold together nonetheless.
But I'm falling to pieces,
I need you to stitch me back together.
But I can't bring myself to leave this,
I need you to carry me forever.
Take me home, dear child.
Take me, but don't take me alive.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 2
comments 17
reads 1212
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Take Me
Anonymous
9th Apr 2013 6:20pm
I enjoyed this piece, felt much emotion woven into the lines. I like the building up and winding down feel it has as it's read too.
I think it works better without the word just in stanza 2 line 4.
(just my opinion) great pen ;-)
I think it works better without the word just in stanza 2 line 4.
(just my opinion) great pen ;-)
1
re: Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 6:22pm
Anybody want to second this motion? If I can get just one person to agree, I'll take the word 'just' out.
re: re: Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 9:42pm
I shall second that motion! X) It's a really great poem by the way. I applaud for you, good sir (if that makes sense).
*holds your hand*... ^-^
*holds your hand*... ^-^
0
re: re: re: Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 9:44pm
re: re: re: re: Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 9:45pm
Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 6:21pm
Don't be afraid to criticize. Just remember to hold my hand when you do it. >_<
Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 7:32pm
Could I Possibly Use This as A song? Like Take some Things Out Of It? I'm In A Band Called 'A Corpses Memory'
1
re: Re: Take Me
9th Apr 2013 9:51pm
Do you intentionally capitalize every word? Lol. Uhm... sorry, but I'm gonna have to say no. Giving up the rights to this poem is like giving up my youngest son for adoption (not that I have a son, but if I did, and I had to choose between him and the poem, it'd be a tough call. Just kidding!) I don't mind if you use this as inspiration, that would be perfectly fine. However, I do not want my lyrics to go into the song. Does that make sense? Write the lyrics down that you want to use, PM me, and I'll tell you if it's okay.
re: Re: Take Me
11th Apr 2013 10:37pm
Re: Take Me
11th Apr 2013 10:44pm
re: Re: Take Me
11th Apr 2013 10:51pm
Well thank you. To be honest, I think the desperation came from having been so desperate to overcome my writer's block... lol
Re: Take Me
11th Apr 2013 10:57pm
re: Re: Take Me
11th Apr 2013 11:02pm
Re: Take Me
29th Apr 2014 4:21am
I felt so deeply attached to this feeling behind those rhymes. Such an amazing harmony and flow. You write like a pro!
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re: Re: Take Me
4th May 2014 7:39pm
Thank you so much! I love to see responses to my poetry, especially from familiar faces.