Submissions by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I write down whatever comes to mind. Just write and read later. Sometimes suprises sometimes dissapointment
DARK POEM
Published
4th Sep 2024 2:36pm
4th Sep 2024 2:36pm
The day before tomorrow
Another day, another memory.
Bleek, dark and mostly grey.
Probably the same day tomorrow,
The same day as yesterday.
Those days seem colourless and lifeless.
Nothing to look back on.
Nothing too look forward to,
A life on repeat, a lifetime, gone.
This day may be the same as the last.
Tomorrow could be the same as well.
What is the point? I’m counting the hours until midnight.
And when the dawn arrives it is still my barren hell.
Would I dare to call this living?
It may be my existence from yesterday until...
Bleek, dark and mostly grey.
Probably the same day tomorrow,
The same day as yesterday.
Those days seem colourless and lifeless.
Nothing to look back on.
Nothing too look forward to,
A life on repeat, a lifetime, gone.
This day may be the same as the last.
Tomorrow could be the same as well.
What is the point? I’m counting the hours until midnight.
And when the dawn arrives it is still my barren hell.
Would I dare to call this living?
It may be my existence from yesterday until...
#curse
#despair
#emptiness
#hell
#sadness
102 reads
4 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
30th Aug 2024 7:42pm
30th Aug 2024 7:42pm
When my mind starts to talk
Within a dark fortress, guarded by the damned, he lies in waiting. He’s watching my every move, I
hear his every word. I can’t hide from him, nor can I run. Because the dark fortress where he
reside is within my own mind, A fortress surrounded by prisons made of memories and
madness. Everywhere I turn I stumble and fall because of my own ignorance. I tried to ignore, I
tried to make it right. But you denied me, You tried to bury me as far and as deep as you could.
But to no avail. I bided my time, watched you wither away within your world of sorrow and...
hear his every word. I can’t hide from him, nor can I run. Because the dark fortress where he
reside is within my own mind, A fortress surrounded by prisons made of memories and
madness. Everywhere I turn I stumble and fall because of my own ignorance. I tried to ignore, I
tried to make it right. But you denied me, You tried to bury me as far and as deep as you could.
But to no avail. I bided my time, watched you wither away within your world of sorrow and...
#anxiety
#confusion
#depression
#emptiness
#MentalHealth
173 reads
6 Comments
LOVE POEM
Published
8th May 2023 10:04pm
8th May 2023 10:04pm
Married to a Goddess
This marriage, a cage build of flesh.
Unescapable prison built to last.
Yet, I hold the keys to this confinement.
A lock that was placed by my past.
I can open the lock but I can’t escape.
Till death do us part, that was the promise.
Yes, was my answer at the altar,
Forever in service to my goddess.
I will never break my vows,
I can’t, I won’t, I wish I could.
I love her with all my heart,
Though I never understood.
Unescapable prison built to last.
Yet, I hold the keys to this confinement.
A lock that was placed by my past.
I can open the lock but I can’t escape.
Till death do us part, that was the promise.
Yes, was my answer at the altar,
Forever in service to my goddess.
I will never break my vows,
I can’t, I won’t, I wish I could.
I love her with all my heart,
Though I never understood.
#depression
#wife
#UnrequitedLove
#FeelingTrapped
#hurt
400 reads
4 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
14th Mar 2023 3:46pm
14th Mar 2023 3:46pm
Navigating thoughts
Inky black skies, grey lifeless clouds passing by.
My horizon without light, gloomy, blurred, non-existent.
I have no bearings, no coordinates to take me back.
The way to my own reality seems so distant.
The calm ripples washing away all ties to a better time,
Leaving me in an ocean of sadness forever growing in size.
So I row in a direction unknown, in search of a shore.
With no land in sight, I’m navigating through all the lies.
After days lost to time, quietly drifting into thoughts.
A waveless sea of sorrow, going on...
My horizon without light, gloomy, blurred, non-existent.
I have no bearings, no coordinates to take me back.
The way to my own reality seems so distant.
The calm ripples washing away all ties to a better time,
Leaving me in an ocean of sadness forever growing in size.
So I row in a direction unknown, in search of a shore.
With no land in sight, I’m navigating through all the lies.
After days lost to time, quietly drifting into thoughts.
A waveless sea of sorrow, going on...
#depression
#myself
#FeelingLost
#emptiness
#apathy
247 reads
0 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
7th Mar 2023 10:37pm
7th Mar 2023 10:37pm
Explanations for the Lost
Blood stains my past,
Marks of guilt and relief.
Some are old, many are new,
This is what I believe.
It is wrong to do so,
It is necassary to maintain in control.
It hurts, but it’s a pain of comfort,
Taking back the feelings it once stole.
Lost to the darkness that hides the hurt,
Engulfed by this void that blocks all light.
The knife reflects only a small glimmer of hope,
But it’s a ray of pure bliss and blight.
Eating away at my skinn and sanity,
I keep reaching for the disease that won’t heal.
I need...
Marks of guilt and relief.
Some are old, many are new,
This is what I believe.
It is wrong to do so,
It is necassary to maintain in control.
It hurts, but it’s a pain of comfort,
Taking back the feelings it once stole.
Lost to the darkness that hides the hurt,
Engulfed by this void that blocks all light.
The knife reflects only a small glimmer of hope,
But it’s a ray of pure bliss and blight.
Eating away at my skinn and sanity,
I keep reaching for the disease that won’t heal.
I need...
#anxiety
#depression
#dark
#SelfHarm
#despair
295 reads
2 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
5th Mar 2023 1:40pm
5th Mar 2023 1:40pm
Diary entry 05-03-2023 “We have changed again”
I’ve not been myself the last few months. I’m ….. different now. I changed again. Coping, defending, morphing, or was I going on the offence? So much pent up aggression, so much anger and rage storming through my mind right now. A short fused bomb ready to go off. The slightest misstep could ruin everything. I could destroy everything I ever believed in, everything I ever loved and cared for. I can’t control myself anymore, I’m at the mercy of others to fight for me. Because if I do, nothing will be left untouched, nothing or no one can stop me. Never mind how high the cost may grow, I cannot...
#anger
#depression
#identity
#SelfHarm
#confusion
216 reads
0 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
3rd Mar 2023 10:45pm
3rd Mar 2023 10:45pm
Why am I, why?
The constant questions haunt me,
Why am I,the way I am?
I feel broken, lost and confused.
Why am I, the way I am?
My thoughts go from here and there,
To where I’m at, and where I was.
Rethink, relive, revive, repeat,
Why am I, the way I am?
Piece by piece I try to find myself.
Why am I, the way I am?
Shattered reflections looking back at me.
Tears distorting the smiles, blood covering the tiles.
Healed scars define my self-image.
Why are you, the way I should be?
Damaged, beyond repair,...
Why am I,the way I am?
I feel broken, lost and confused.
Why am I, the way I am?
My thoughts go from here and there,
To where I’m at, and where I was.
Rethink, relive, revive, repeat,
Why am I, the way I am?
Piece by piece I try to find myself.
Why am I, the way I am?
Shattered reflections looking back at me.
Tears distorting the smiles, blood covering the tiles.
Healed scars define my self-image.
Why are you, the way I should be?
Damaged, beyond repair,...
#depression
#identity
#SelfHarm
#MentalHealth
#emptiness
321 reads
4 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
2nd Mar 2023 10:32pm
2nd Mar 2023 10:32pm
Confused Hurt
I’ve been absent minded,
I’ve been away for too long.
Long sleeves to cover up the marks,
A smile to make me look strong.
Why is this happening again?
Why did I give in that easily?
The warmth running down my arm,
I dug to greedily.
The knife met my skin again,
He forced my hand.
I’m ashamed of the result.
And I still don’t understand.
How could this have happened?
What was I thinking?
Why couldn’t I just ignore this urge?
Why do I feel like I’m still sinking?
The thoughts should have...
I’ve been away for too long.
Long sleeves to cover up the marks,
A smile to make me look strong.
Why is this happening again?
Why did I give in that easily?
The warmth running down my arm,
I dug to greedily.
The knife met my skin again,
He forced my hand.
I’m ashamed of the result.
And I still don’t understand.
How could this have happened?
What was I thinking?
Why couldn’t I just ignore this urge?
Why do I feel like I’m still sinking?
The thoughts should have...
#depression
#regret
#SelfHarm
#shame
#despair
415 reads
6 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
27th Feb 2023 10:33pm
27th Feb 2023 10:33pm
Diary entry 27-02-2023 After the drugs
I just want the pain to stop. I know how it feels and you want to die. You know how that feels too, it’s confusing. There aren’t really words to describe either side. It just hurts so much. But things can change. If you have suicidal thoughts or ideations, then I need you to hear me. This place that I’m in right now, this world I’m in right now. It doesn’t have to be this way. So much can change. You can have a whole new life, a whole new world. Yeah, right. I know the darkness you’re in, it is all consuming, and it hurts so much, but at the same time, you can’t feel anything. Asking for help...
#depression
#identity
#death
#suicide
#despair
544 reads
2 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
22nd Feb 2023 10:50pm
22nd Feb 2023 10:50pm
Scrambled Circuits
Thoughts racing through my mind.
Dark, deep and disturbing.
I’ve lost control again.
A prisoner in my own body.
Following the rules and regulations he has set out for me.
Do this, do that, say this, say that, feel this, don’t feel at all.
Numbed by the raging monologue inside my brain.
A life on autopilot, an automaton of flesh and blood.
My persona, version 2.0.
Bugged and full of errors.
A program set to destroy.
Self-destruct sequence has been initiated.
Only a few years until the point of no return has...
Dark, deep and disturbing.
I’ve lost control again.
A prisoner in my own body.
Following the rules and regulations he has set out for me.
Do this, do that, say this, say that, feel this, don’t feel at all.
Numbed by the raging monologue inside my brain.
A life on autopilot, an automaton of flesh and blood.
My persona, version 2.0.
Bugged and full of errors.
A program set to destroy.
Self-destruct sequence has been initiated.
Only a few years until the point of no return has...
#depression
#identity
#MentalHealth
#suffering
#emptiness
374 reads
9 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
14th Feb 2023 9:21pm
14th Feb 2023 9:21pm
Diary entry 14-02-2023. Self Worth
I’ve been lost for a long time, not knowing who or what I was. Eternal conflict, unending torture. Follow the voices, hiding the truth, lying to myself. If it was even me who I was talking to. How to see the difference? Can you even see any difference? In the mirrors reflection, the same smirks and expressions. Each and every day they seem different but are still the same image. Is that who I am? Is this all I am? Or are we just what we are. Many in one, one body, many minds, one reflection, numerous copies of the same but all different. It’s getting harder to differentiate between all of...
#depression
#identity
#SelfHarm
#despair
#emptiness
330 reads
4 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
6th Feb 2023 8:59pm
6th Feb 2023 8:59pm
The draining of the Day
My soul is drained of all hope and light.
A dark void lurks and keeps me company.
Creeping in the cracks I showed over time,
It is trying to take me over completely.
Darker and grimmer my days become,
Slowly and surely killing the joy I once had.
Sadness, pain, my mind has reached its limit,
The constant chatter and noise drives me mad.
I’ve shown my weakness to it, it knows where to hurt,
He has shown me the way out, I know where to go.
The way is clear and my intentions are justified.
Now It’s only, when and how will I...
A dark void lurks and keeps me company.
Creeping in the cracks I showed over time,
It is trying to take me over completely.
Darker and grimmer my days become,
Slowly and surely killing the joy I once had.
Sadness, pain, my mind has reached its limit,
The constant chatter and noise drives me mad.
I’ve shown my weakness to it, it knows where to hurt,
He has shown me the way out, I know where to go.
The way is clear and my intentions are justified.
Now It’s only, when and how will I...
#sadness
#depression
#dark
#MentalHealth
#emptiness
295 reads
4 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)
