Submissions by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I write down whatever comes to mind. Just write and read later. Sometimes suprises sometimes dissapointment
Diary entry 12-08-2022. My faith in humanity
As human I walk this earth. A person of many sins and virtues. As man I am, as mankind I shall destroy. Beings of destruction and malice, spawned from god, pawns of evil. I do not command the transgressions of others, nor do I command my own. It’s in our nature, an obligation for humanity to cut, burn, scar and kill. We do it of our own choosing, it’s in mans will to do so. Subconsciously we defy any form of reason or compassion. Created in his image we resemble the false and all-knowing god we so choose to serve for our entire life here on this wretched planet. Free-will, the illusion given...
#identity
#religion
#God
#humankind
#myself
193 reads
0 Comments
The burden we bear
Lifeless, unborn child of death,
Suffering is in your blood,
Pain is your middle name.
Torturing everything and anything,
Scaring scars and wounds of lust and longing.
It can’t leave you alone, a new day is dawning.
Troubled and anxious, you walk your path,
A road never build, a way out, maybe not.
Endless are the days, like the nights you forgot.
There is no light, there resides no remorse in you,
Your hart, black as tar, a portal to hell.
You pull everyone in, lost, broken, a final farewell.
Lifeless,...
Suffering is in your blood,
Pain is your middle name.
Torturing everything and anything,
Scaring scars and wounds of lust and longing.
It can’t leave you alone, a new day is dawning.
Troubled and anxious, you walk your path,
A road never build, a way out, maybe not.
Endless are the days, like the nights you forgot.
There is no light, there resides no remorse in you,
Your hart, black as tar, a portal to hell.
You pull everyone in, lost, broken, a final farewell.
Lifeless,...
#depression
#identity
#FeelingLost
#suffering
#hurt
286 reads
0 Comments
From Past to Present
My mind was numbed by horror,
I refrained from pleasure and joy.
When sadness rules my being,
I become his living toy.
His tongue was forged in fire,
But the words where kind and sweet.
Where his stories formed my world,
He whisperes the lies I need.
His ways where cold and vicious,
It changed my thoughts and view.
When clouded by all his veils.
His blinding darkness grew.
My soul was trapped by terror,
It killed my passion to strive.
His labors became my burdens,
A man without his life.
I refrained from pleasure and joy.
When sadness rules my being,
I become his living toy.
His tongue was forged in fire,
But the words where kind and sweet.
Where his stories formed my world,
He whisperes the lies I need.
His ways where cold and vicious,
It changed my thoughts and view.
When clouded by all his veils.
His blinding darkness grew.
My soul was trapped by terror,
It killed my passion to strive.
His labors became my burdens,
A man without his life.
#depression
#dark
#identity
#LifeStruggles
#MentalHealth
273 reads
0 Comments
Diary entry 09-06-2022 (After a month)
It feels like an eternity. I’ve been away for about a month now. I decided not to get admitted into a place where I will just be another number. A name on the list. A cog in the great machine. I chose to go on a little ‘vacation’, I stayed at a friend’s house for a bit. This person is a psychologist for a little institution that helps people who no one wants to help or the system just has forgotten. This person has been a friend for such a long time I almost forgot that she is a friend and not family. I’ve talked with her for most of my teenage years and all the years that followed. But I was...
#anxiety
#depression
#LifeStruggles #SelfHarm
#LifeStruggles #SelfHarm
169 reads
0 Comments
My Puppet Master
Puppet master where do your strings lead?
They feel endless and unshakable.
Long thin wires surround my neck,
Your resolve is unbreakable.
Your grip tightens, with more meaning.
Your intentions clear as day.
Forever trapped by your web.
Forced to realize your puppet play.
A performance dark and cold,
On the stage of life I am ensnared.
Involuntary movement and thoughts,
My will gravely impaired.
Puppet master, I’m at the end of your rope.
I don’t understand your tethers that bind me.
Please release me...
They feel endless and unshakable.
Long thin wires surround my neck,
Your resolve is unbreakable.
Your grip tightens, with more meaning.
Your intentions clear as day.
Forever trapped by your web.
Forced to realize your puppet play.
A performance dark and cold,
On the stage of life I am ensnared.
Involuntary movement and thoughts,
My will gravely impaired.
Puppet master, I’m at the end of your rope.
I don’t understand your tethers that bind me.
Please release me...
#anxiety
#depression
#MentalHealth
#confusion
#FeelingTrapped
430 reads
0 Comments
All over again
After today I will die,
Just to rise another morning.
Waking up to this excuse I call life,
Being able to start mourning.
Standing over my own grave,
Staring into the pit of loathing.
My own palace 6 feet deep,
My body rotting, decomposing.
Tomorrow I will die again,
Starting the cycle all over.
Rising from my final resting place,
Hoping for my moment of closure.
That one time it will all stop,
The ultimate silence of death.
I crave for its peace and serenity,
When will I take my last breath?
...
Just to rise another morning.
Waking up to this excuse I call life,
Being able to start mourning.
Standing over my own grave,
Staring into the pit of loathing.
My own palace 6 feet deep,
My body rotting, decomposing.
Tomorrow I will die again,
Starting the cycle all over.
Rising from my final resting place,
Hoping for my moment of closure.
That one time it will all stop,
The ultimate silence of death.
I crave for its peace and serenity,
When will I take my last breath?
...
#anxiety
#depression
#suicide
#MentalHealth
#FeelingLost
621 reads
2 Comments
Day Dreaming / Dreaming al Day
In a world of make believe. I find myself over and over again,
Sometimes I’m a tall strong man, fearless and cold.
Sometimes a scared little boy curled up in a corner.
Sometimes I’m happy, friendly and full of life.
Sometimes I’m mad, aggressive and ready to end it all.
Allot of the time, in between the sometimes, I forget at times.
That my time is shared, I don’t recognize the awful signs.
I wake up in the bedroom, ready to begin the day.
It suddenly stops and ends and repeats again.
And before I know it I’m having diner, not remembering...
Sometimes I’m a tall strong man, fearless and cold.
Sometimes a scared little boy curled up in a corner.
Sometimes I’m happy, friendly and full of life.
Sometimes I’m mad, aggressive and ready to end it all.
Allot of the time, in between the sometimes, I forget at times.
That my time is shared, I don’t recognize the awful signs.
I wake up in the bedroom, ready to begin the day.
It suddenly stops and ends and repeats again.
And before I know it I’m having diner, not remembering...
#identity
#MentalHealth
#confusion
#MovingOn
#acceptance
241 reads
2 Comments
A new Chapter (Diary entry 16-03-2022)
It has been a while since I’ve last written in my diary. Last time it was… draining, confronting and frightening. I spoke of my mental condition and how it seems to work and manifest. I also wrote that I didn’t know my reason for living. I can’t say that I do now but, I’m working on it. I’m seeing a psychiatrist, the same one I visited many times before. This woman knows me and understands me, at least I think so. I still have a few doubts about her and her way of doing things. She immediately started pushing me back on the pills I had before. The ones that make you drowsy, confused and even...
#depression
#LifeStruggles
#MentalHealth #despair
#MentalHealth #despair
244 reads
2 Comments
Reccuring Nightmare
As I go down the stairs, down into its concealing darkness. The air gets thicker. Its getting harder to breath. I follow the stairs further down, further and further, deeper and deeper. I can’t go back now. What will I find? What will I discover? Where will it lead me? I want my answer, I need my answer. Obsessed by my curiosity, driven to a place I don’t belong. Desecration, violation, unforgivable. Voices, I hear voices. Is anyone down there?! Answer me, please respond?! The voices get louder and louder. But I can’t understand a word. It’s like whispering, loud whispering. Long and...
#anxiety
#depression
#confusion #nightmares
#confusion #nightmares
286 reads
0 Comments
The Voices
Voices on the surface,
Voices in the deep.
Everywhere, there they are,
Even when I’m asleep.
Controlling my thinking,
Obstructing my reality.
It’s moves me to actions,
Some of grave brutality.
Waking up, sliced and torn,
Gashes, wounds, blood and pain.
Forever scarred, forever cursed,
An existence unable to maintain.
The reflection in the mirror,
Portraying the silhouette of a man,
A man marked by his past transgressions,
It takes him back to where it all began.
That first cut in his...
Voices in the deep.
Everywhere, there they are,
Even when I’m asleep.
Controlling my thinking,
Obstructing my reality.
It’s moves me to actions,
Some of grave brutality.
Waking up, sliced and torn,
Gashes, wounds, blood and pain.
Forever scarred, forever cursed,
An existence unable to maintain.
The reflection in the mirror,
Portraying the silhouette of a man,
A man marked by his past transgressions,
It takes him back to where it all began.
That first cut in his...
#depression
#SelfHarm
#MentalHealth #SelfWorth
#MentalHealth #SelfWorth
402 reads
4 Comments
My Mental Story
For about 15 years now I’ve been suffering from psychosis. I hear voices and experience delusions. Everywhere, all day and all night. For the most part I’ve done what I can to fight it and ignored the cacophony of noise and the calls to harm or kill myself. I’ve learned to meditate, clear my mind, focus my energy. However it’s not pleasant and I’m in constant struggle with it. This is something I’ve kept to myself because of the implications from work colleagues, friends and family. I’m terrified of their reactions and how they’d view me. To be quite honest, the voices already tell me what...
#anxiety
#LifeStruggles
#SelfHarm
#suicide
#MentalHealth
642 reads
13 Comments
Defined reality
Your reality may be different from mine. My reality changes in abstract ways and does not bend to
natural laws and physics. Yours might change because of politics, religion, war or because of the
ripples in societies vast ocean of people. Mine does not. It can bend and break, it can stretch and
contract. It can turn left, right, up and down again. It can change every hour, it can stay static for days
or even weeks. But it’s never the same, while being placed in the same universe it started in. In this
reality I am god, in this reality I am everything. While also...
natural laws and physics. Yours might change because of politics, religion, war or because of the
ripples in societies vast ocean of people. Mine does not. It can bend and break, it can stretch and
contract. It can turn left, right, up and down again. It can change every hour, it can stay static for days
or even weeks. But it’s never the same, while being placed in the same universe it started in. In this
reality I am god, in this reality I am everything. While also...
#depression
#LifeStruggles
#TruthOfLife #MentalHealth
#TruthOfLife #MentalHealth
232 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Vortex32167 (Stephan van Pinksteren)