Submissions by Vitris_Lune (Corrin)

There has always been that dull
and numb pain.

There has always been that stupid
and incredibly annoying voice in my head.

Chanting the same things
over and over.

You aren't enough.
You aren't worthy.
You don't deserve any of this.
None of this happiness and love that people give you.

But I do.
I am enough, if not more than enough.
I am worthy.
I do deserve everything, all of this.
Right?

But that voice always comes back,
chanting harsh words, over and over again.

What if...

I am someone.
I am a human being
Who has feelings and fears.
Although, sometimes I fear just too much
And feel too little.
Though, I just fear to feel,
To let my emotions loose and free.
I'm afraid to let anyone in.
I'm afraid to let anyone know me.

I am someone who suffers
from dark thoughts and
Almost never-ending sadness.
I do have some happy days,
But most days are gray or completely black.
I do have people who love me and care about me.
I do I do.
But,
I'm unsure why they do.
Why would someone...

Who am I to this world?
Am I not
just a spec of life on this planet,
in this neverending system of stars and endless space?
Am I not
just another clump of cells in this bag of skin,
"ran" by a brain that only
operates of what society seems fit and correct?

Do I even have a personality?
Am I even funny?
Or is that just something that I've copied from the people I surround myself with.
Do I really have feelings,
the feelings of sadness, or even the feeling of overpowering joy?
Are they even mine
Or is it just...

It's hard for me to explain how much I love you.
You have no problem telling me every second that you love me and that you will never leave me.
But I have a hard time using my words
to tell you how you make me feel every time you touch my hand
or plant a kiss on my forehead while I nap.
It creates a tornado of butterflies that begin to flutter in my gut.

You put me on this pedestal
to show me off to the world with how much you love me.
And I am not used to it, my dear.
No one has done this for me before.
Or they do and just throw...

To all the boys I loved before.
Why did you hurt me the way you did?
Taking my heart, torn in two,
Stomping that and the trust I gave you
Into the ground with your mud-covered shoes.

And you,
why did you force yourself into me the way you did?
Hurting my insides,
Making me do things that I never really did want to do.
You, my dear, made me feel wrong and dirty.
You made me feel unloved for the rest of my life.
Why did you think it was okay for you to do those things to me,
Expecting no consequences.

You,...