Submissions by Atreides

Dark Words


I can’t breathe.  Every thing and every thought hurts.  The effort to speak exhausts me.  The will to move escapes me.  I am living alone on a dark planet; and I can’t leave.

Almost 10 years of psychiatrists, therapists, hospital stays, extended outpatient therapy, vitamins, exercise, UV lighting, pills, patches, yoga, meditation, acupuncture, and affirmations…but nothing works.

I have been fired from more jobs than I can remember, simply because I cannot get out of bed to attend them.

I am lethargic beyond words.  I have tried to put it...

As a kid I absolutely loved Science Fiction television shows.   I would spend hours glued to the TV to watch Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, Logan’s Run, Star Wars, Aliens, and even Star Trek.  It whetted my appetite for distant lands, planets, cultures, adventure, and the uncertainty of travel.  Star Trek by far had the coolest theme music.  I can still remember the introduction of the show.  “Space…the final frontier.”

But now I look back and realize that is not exactly true.  We have explored space.  We have astronomers and other scientists who dedicate their life to the study...

Empty.
Devoid of true love.
Unattainable self-love.
Why would anyone love me now?
Worthless.

Empty.
No reason to live.
No deities believed.
Will death provide me with release?
Hopeless.

Empty.
I have pills by my bed.
I have a gun, manual unread.
Even my family expects me dead!
Death wish.

Empty.
No one understands who I am.
No one cares what I need.
No one will save me when I am keen.
(For I have never been very interesting, you see!)

But a homeless beggar, I refuse to be!
A life without my...