SONNET SLAM 2 - Anything Goes

calamitygin said:Hep...my first..so please...let me know what's wrong...want to learn...thanks for this wild comp!

Miss Jen - thank you for the opportunity to address something that I have tried to do but failed, because I was approaching it from the wrong perspective - very left brained...

iambic pentameter - devil incarnate for poets - but I am here to tell you all to change your thoughts, it is nothing to be scared of.

As a matter of fact, the sonnet is where you get to make language your bitch! Feel empowered: can't think of a word that fits the meter, make one up...

or edit another to lose or gain a syllable to pick up the flow...

or simply flip the words around in the line to get that flow right...

you're in charge

And as far as what a "iamb" sounds like, it's a heartbeat - ba-bump
pentameter 5 beats, iambic pentameter is 5 heartbeats, it's our first sound it's our first rhythm...

It's mom's heartbeat inside the womb...

ba-bump... ba-bump... ba-bump... ba-bump... ba-bump

it's organic, it's natural, it's life...

it's that pounding in your ears after you cum...

it is literally the blood being pushed through your veins...

so think on that...

ba-bump... ba-bump...ba-bump... ba-bump... ba-bump...

more in a few...

geoff

calamitygin said:

Thoroughly enjoyed!

Thank you kindly Jen.

calamitygin said:Hep...my first..so please...let me know what's wrong...want to learn...thanks for this wild comp!

Jen,
you did a great job with your first sonnet, just a few tweaks and you're there...

I'm going to use one of your lines as an example for the competition...

Bend exposed bare over my waiting lap

"exposed" is a natural iamb to put "bend" before it, opens the line with a stressed syllable and brakes the meter... as a suggestion, I might work it this way (purely by way of example)

Exposed and bare, bend o'er my waiting lap...

Keeps the meter and shows the poetic license of dropping a syllable...

More tips to follow...

Jen, thanks for letting me use your line as an example...

I'll be pm'ing you some other tweaks to think about...

For everyone, read through our examples... try to hear that heartbeat... once you get the cadence,  once you hear it gets easier...

Thanks

geoff

( a sonnet EXAMPLE of one of mine for participants of the SLAM )


PROMISE
(an erotic Sonnet)

I promise to be here when you wake up,
Anticipating touch throughout the night,
Reflecting on those times when you'd erupt
When bringing your desire to it's height.

And just as generous my wants attend,
Your seek and ministrations take me there,
In rise and arch and tremble's coming bend,
As peaks and throaty serenades declare.

The musk of bodies' reaching in their flux,
The perfumed scent that wafts into the mind,
The tastes from deepest tongue, a delving suck,
My naked spread to enter from behind.

At last you stir as night begins to yield,
To taste your throb, my hand about to wield.

After Kale and Garlic, Persimmons Taste Like You
(another erotic sonnet example)

While you were gone to trade your bucks for stars,
And I was making breakfast for myself,  
That kale and garlic recipe of ours,
I saw the Fuyus orange upon the shelf.

I sliced them long, all center-spoked and round,
In half again and fanned them on the plate.
The greens spoke earth with taste of Fall abound,  
Paired with ripe flesh, a flavor sweet… but wait!?

Like tongue upon your silken lipped delight,
With fingers delving softly in between,
Encouraging a spring of milky white,
I savor, drinking deep and licking clean.

It’s odd such fruits your lusciousness recall,
Still odder, we get out of bed at all

Hepcat61 said:

Jen,
you did a great job with your first sonnet, just a few tweaks and you're there...

I'm going to use one of your lines as an example for the competition...

Bend exposed bare over my waiting lap

"exposed" is a natural iamb to put "bend" before it, opens the line with a stressed syllable and brakes the meter... as a suggestion, I might work it this way (purely by way of example)

Exposed and bare, bend o'er my waiting lap...

Keeps the meter and shows the poetic license of dropping a syllable...

More tips to follow...

Jen, thanks for letting me use your line as an example...

I'll be pm'ing you some other tweaks to think about...

For everyone, read through our examples... try to hear that heartbeat... once you get the cadence,  once you hear it gets easier...

Thanks

geoff

You described it perfectly..I fiddled with the word lay on that line forever, love your switch...I familiar reading iambic pentameter...and love its natural evolution..
I.will read all the pieces here...i never read other entries before my submission
.I want to write the way my heart wants...not against other poets....but it might have been a good idea here.
And a wins fun for sure...lol
Thanks for the help....so much! Take amything you have to offer...🌹🌷🌺

Jade-Pandora said:( a sonnet EXAMPLE of one of mine for participants of the SLAM )


PROMISE
(an erotic Sonnet)

Thank you, Jade for another great example showing both grace of form and the various contents that sonnets can embrace...

Until the numbness continues]

Hello All!  This is Jade, your friendly co-pilot!  I'm here today to shed more light in a layman's way to show that the sonnet cadence / meter, or anything regarding the modern / English / Shakespeare sonnet form is nothing to fear.  Once I understood the very basics, and read examples by others who were adapt at the form, I wrote my very first sonnet successfully after about a week.  Mind, an expert might know it's from a novice, but I've learned so much since, and continue to learn.

What you see below is a stanza from an unpublished modern sonnet of mine.  I'm using it to show everyone the breakdown to reveal clearly how your choice of words lends to a successful application of cadence / meter with the order of unstressed ( 1 ) and stressed syllables ( 2 ) for each line, like so:
1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2
...for a total of 10 syllables per line.

Here's the stanza as it appear:

You always express thoughts I often feel
When days as such demand their due from me.
Beseeching answers so that I may heal,
But seldom show just what they are to be.

Here's the stanza as it sounds (with unstressed / stressed syllables):

you AL-ways EX-press THOUGHTS i OF-ten FEEL,
when DAYS as SUCH de-MAND their DUE from ME.
be-SEECH-ing AN-swers SO that I may HEAL,
but SEL-dom SHOW just WHAT they ARE to BE.

( By the way, some of you might think the English words "feel" and "heal" are 2-syllables.  They are 1-syllable each.)

And a reminder:  any confusion or questions, feel free to note us.  Thanks, and keep up the good work,

Jadey

Thank you, Jade, more excellent information...

thanks for that wonderful example of the iambic pentameter cadence...

geoff

This sonnet was inspired by the Tanabata legend.

When Orihime let her shuttle fall,
Her bobbins, too, and cast her loom aside,
And Hikoboshi let his cattle all
Disperse, to make his way across the wide
Expanse of stars to kiss his shining bride;
As Altair, hearkening to Vega's call,
Refused to let a galaxy divide
Him from the radiance that did enthrall
His stellar heart; let us not be dismayed
By plodding time or yawning, vacant space.
For when the stars a daunting torrent made
That stayed those lovers from their hot embrace,
The bustling magpies hastened to their aid,
And spanned the flood in waves of feathered grace.

AlwaysHungry said:This sonnet was inspired by the Tanabata legend.


AlwaysHungry -

I thank you greatly for your sonnet - it seems in the form of a hybrid...

I deeply appreciate your contribution here

geoff

The Company of Gods

Who’d want to keep the company of gods?
They’re vain, ill-tempered, selfish and unfair;
In any game they’ll always rig the odds.
They never lose, they don’t know how to share.

The Greek lot never played by any rules,
Zeus lied and cheated, threw his weight about,
Sated his lust, treated men like fools,
Devoid of pity, conscience or self-doubt.

But would the Bible’s God be to your taste?
Imagine having Himcome  round to dinner?
Vindictive, vengeful, always laying waste,
And it’s hell for ever for the poor, weak sinner.

No, gods, I think, should entertain themselves,
Along with monsters, fairies, gnomes and elves.

Astyanax said:The Company of Gods



Thank you, poet,  for your sonnet contribution here...  well done...

You should check line 3 in the second quatrain and lines 2 and 4 of the third for meter and syllables..

Good work,
geoff

Hepcat61 said:
it seems in the form of a hybrid...



It's a customized Italian. I will confess that I am wont to screw around with the rhyme schemes.