childhood experiance

'I' treated me so well,
I shone bright in the bold sun.
'I' treated me so bad,
I shone brighter in the bold sun.

I shone bright when 'he' treated me well,
Still in the bold sun.
'He' slipped his hands,
I still shone and burnt the bun.

May 'he' rot in hell,
Or have more fun.
The 'funny' person becomes cactus
For sure, The day will come

When we were kids.


Remember when we were just kids?

Might we return to one of those old days,
during the spring of our lives?

I know our bodies have grown, matured
it's now the winter of those same lives,
but there was a conversation I want to replay.

It was out behind the shed,
under the lilac in spring,
with the warm afternoon sun,
encouraging us to lay side-by-side.

We talked of important things;
What purple smelled like.
What color warm was.
How friendship felt.
What that thing called love was all about.

That was the spring when you looked at me and ask  
what made me a boy, different from you, a girl.

I looked back at you and said something about
you wearing different clothing that I did
but that I didn't know why.

You wondered if we traded clothes,
would that mean I would then be a girl and you a boy.

We decided to try that.
All we had to trade was shirts, pants, and underwear.
We stood face to face and began to undress.

There was no shyness between friends.

We unbuttoned, button for button, and our shirts were off.
Then pants, except, I remember I had a snap and zipper and yours just pulled down.
It was under our underwear that we first saw the difference.

I saw that you were missing some parts that I had.
You saw that I had extra parts.

We sat down to talk about the differences we had seen.

You ask to look closer and I said sure, go ahead.

You ask could you touch and I said ok, if  you want.

You ask did I want to look closer and I said sure, if it was ok.

And I ask, could I touch and you said ok.

After a while we got tired of looking and touching and got dressed again.

Funny thing was, we put our own clothes back on.
It didn't seem right to trade clothes any more.

All that summer we talked, and looked, and touched.
And we watch the big kids, especially down at the swimming pool.

I ask about the big girls and their big boobs.
You ask about why the big boys' parts got bigger around the big girls.

Your mom told you that you would get bigger as you grew up.
My dad said the samething to me.

We never did get it all figured out.

Then that September you moved away.

And now, after all these years,
we meet here in the lobby of this resort.

We wouldn't have recognized each other
if you hadn't heard the clerk refer to me by name
and where I was from.

What I want to know is,
do you remember that summer?

I know it is winter now,
Could we pretend that the sun coming in the window in my room
is like the sun under the lilacs then?

After all of these years,
I would still like to know,
what you think --
purple smells like,
and what color warm is.

When you left I learned what the absence of friendship felt like.

Over the years, remembering you, I think I know what love is about.

And, if you've grown the same,
(the look in you eyes says you have)
then I have one more thing to say ---

Along with the looking and touching,
Might I add --
I'll let you play with mine,
if you let me play with yours.

The Day Mommy Left

My parents got divorced and I lived with my mom      
I adored her sweet and kind personality    
   
when I was three      
she slipped away from the playground    
while I was stuck in the middle of the monkey-bars    
the ground seemed so impossibly far away    
I screamed at the child below    
to go and get my mommy    
but she never came    
   
   
she'd left me alone    
and went to the hospital where she was committed    
'cos she was a schizophrenic    
   
I'd hung on them monkey-bars    
for what seemed like many hours    
then finally dropped onto the hard ground    
bruising my little arms and legs    
   
Ran back to my home, shaken and hungry    
mommy wasn't there    
I'd been used to being left alone    
and tried to make myself cinnamon toast    
but I couldn't read all that well    
and everything looked alike    
I remember taking a big bite out of pepper    
and spitting it out in disgust    
jumped down from the counter    
then went back outside to play    
   
That night, I went back home to darkness    
the electricity had been cut off    
so I went to the bed me and mommy shared    
and curled up into a ball    
holding my teddy bear tight    
   
For three days and three nights    
I stayed on my own, until on the third night    
the front door was thrown open    
and bright lights were shone upon me    
a three year old girl, pressed tight up against the wall    
trembling    
   
I remember they took me away from my home    
and when I woke up, a nice woman, a social worker    
let me pick out a stuffed animal    
and told me I was going to a nice home    
I was so afraid, and she was so nice    
I begged her to take me back home with her    
promised her I'd be a good girl    
   
she told me that she couldn't    
so, on shaking legs, I entered foster care    
a good christian home    
that had no patience for the foul mouth    
I'd picked up from my older brothers    
who'd been picked up from school    
three days before    
   
I remember the taste of the strawberry quick milk    
mixed with the tang of soap    
they used to wash my mouth out with    
and having my nose rubbed in the bed I'd wet    
like I was some sort of animal    
needing to be house broke    
   
Then most of all, I remember the day    
when the social worker came    
and told me I was going to live with my dad    
   
I remember asking over and over    
"are you sure it's him ..R Jenson?!"    
terribly afraid that when I got there    
it'd be some stranger    
   
and I remember, oh! I remember the pure joy    
when I saw my dad, bending on one knee    
with his arms outstretched , smiling    
and me, running into them    
   
turned out, that dad had been searching for me    
because when he asked my mom    
she thought I was dead    
so, he searched all the morgues    
and still couldn't find me    
   
but when he did    
   
he held me in his arms    
   
and never let go.    
   
 
 
Thank you so much Eamon for editing this for me :)

beautiful

In the End

You are my laugh
You're every giggle that tickled me silly, you know
I've got one for you to tell
A joke that's better than life itself

Knock-knock tell me a story
Of when you were three years old
And punch-lines were
Slow lines at the Disney park
You see, it was dreamy
All that creamy whipping
Fried dough dripping with
Chocolate sauce
And rainbow sprinklers sprinkled on the
Candy grass
It was fun, and licorice wheels trailed skid marks...
Trailed love

And it stopped the clock,
Big Ben took a nap for awhile,
And Salvador Dali drooped his
Last
Melting
Chime

It was a fun time
It was a fun time

When you flew and were free
And climbed tall in the
Evergreen trees
And the meadows with shadows and
Stinger bumble bees
Shook your grin
Less than a pope preaches sin
The lemons were purple and tasted of
Thyme
Scarborough Fair sang its music
Once more

It was a fun time
It was a fun time

And history, for you, was the
Blink of an eye
Because after age three, you were
Already nine
The nursery rhymes were feeling so old--
They seemed no longer alive
And lullabies led to long cries of
Good old times,
Good fun times

It was a fun time
It was a fun time

When Daddy was home,
the household was prone
To erupt in song, once in awhile
But after the sunspots and
Fire, the burns left only warm, beating
Stone

And it crumbled

Flowed into the heavenly
Mirror
A cloud of ashes and light
Reflected in heavens and
Standing there, too, a
Silhouette of golden air
And hawk's wingtips were the
Arch of a brow
The oaks and pines for you drew out his
Frame
And enlivened the day
Your heart broke deep and your
Grip grew weak, but your
Vision cleared in a whole new way

It was this that drew tears of
Molten steel from the
Furnace of your heart
Your bones weighted of lead
But your gaze sought a
New start
The sun and rain that once came before
Became the sun and rain
And all stayed the same.

But YOU changed

Light as an ounce of air now
The sickness gone away
You showed a new shell
Shed a new light
Lit a passion deep
You forged a new staff with which to
Beckon all your sheep
And they were happy and relieved, because
Nature had taken Her
Rightful turn,
Even though at first if felt unfair
It was check-mate
You were the rook
You saw your great king
Fall

And although you were blind at first,
There was reason to it all

In the end,
It was a fun time, or at least
It was acceptable, natural

It was still a fun time, in
The end.

Congratulations Survivor, John, and Grey Eyes all excellent entries sincerely Crimsin