Re-Write

Cool.. I'm in... I'll re-write some one's piece.

Here's a couple you guys can think of re-writing... I'd really like to hear who'd re-write this.


http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/125882-lets-talk-evil/

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/122827-lost-among-rainbowed-butterfly-dreams/

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/120386-watch-me-perish/

Thanks guys! I look forward to your submissions! :)

ok, I'm in let see what you can do with this:

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/124834-decet-diabolus-princeps


http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/120851-underneath-the-mourning-star/


http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/114454-the-hounds-of-blackmoor/

thanks Hades! :)

No more takers?

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/105901-life/
Here you goes

I rewrote DarkerHalf's 'Watch Me Perish'. This seemed like a bizarre request but it was quite exciting and a challenge to boot. All of my writing is available for this competition. PsyAp, please let me know what you think

Don’t tell me you’re sorry
Or lie that this hurts you more
I can’t hear you from down here
Not while I purge my despair

It’s senseless to feel this way
To still feel that I’m incomplete
But I’ve lost more than tears and sleep

I am not I, no, these thoughts belong to you
Looking at myself from the outside
Picking apart that familiar devil
What did she do wrong? What will she do now?

I cannot hurt you like you hurt me
Oh, though I dream of your agony
They only make these blades so long
And you’ve been gone much longer

A masterpiece in your wake, legacy
Fatefully drawn with clever strokes
This fair lady, as an abyss

And so it is
I get a grip on myself, in my pain, like squirming entrails
I have strength enough, I insist
To stare down the abyss, and watch me fade for you

PsyChopAth: Thanks for offering up a poem!

Utmakalitho: Thanks for your submission!

Oh wow... Utmakalitho

Thank You!!
Very Well in re-writing my poem... it gives me a different view... the view of one at fault.
Loved it!!

Needles.


I lie here
Faceless        
Dick-length from your          
perfect warmth        
and it stings-        
knowing what I'll do to you                

The tar-thick scent of decay        
already writhes between us                

and it's only a matter of time          
before my needles fuck through          
your beautiful skin          
like a thousand          
bloated          
pricks        
desperate to spray your insides        
with all my dirt and revulsion                    

I press my face hard against the          
matted fuzz on your chest        
knowing that I need to          
let you go          

I cannot even look at you        
without feeling tumorous  
--------------------------   ------------------ -----------------        

Needles

every fucking time I hear the words
'history repeats itself'
I feel sick to my stomach

the rise and fall of your breathing
acts like a bitter sweet countdown
I watch, and count

because it's only a matter of breaths
before my toxins fill your veins
and you, like those that came before you
go through the same death roll

I want to wake you, warn you, save you
but most of all
I want you to save me

................................................................

someone want's to take a stab at this, go ahead
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/110432-better-to-burn-out/

CraicDealer: thanks for your submission!

Here is one to re write
(I have a few more if interested)



DECONSTRUCTION

When the dead butterflies
Shall start to unfold their wings
The heavens will open wider
The mortar will turn to brick

When the rustling trembling
Of the round full moon
Searching the skies outside
My window, as shattered

It shall fall upon me
I hear your waterfall of words
The stream catches me
As I give in to the rushing sound

I travel the stream as I lay upon it
My body is one with the river wild
As I wish not to return from here
Hypnotic hindsight shapes my face

Extraction of Life
In momentary madness
Death into a second
Of solitary onlyness

Lonely is the light
Decaying from the edge
I wasnt meant to be you
You werent meant to be me

Once
We
Were
One

As now
We are two
 

thanks LIZQ!

Better to burn out


And I've tried, tried to keep that twinkle in your eyes    
but its been so long since that first spark  
caught the wild west wind    
and was blown  into our dried up hearts    
setting them alight, burning white hot, day and night    
now, I see my own eyes have dulled    
and I'm saddened by the sight of them    
 
You were special though, you know?    
through the years  
the joy, the fights, the hurt, the tears    
and the passion, pure untamed passion    
kept us smiling on the inside    
 
and I'd never want to see you unloved    
god knows, when you put your heart into it  
you can make a man feel like a pharaoh  
or a pauper    
after finding a path to the end of a rainbow    
 
So go, go now to where the wind blows wildest
and the sparks burn brightest
because neither of us need to settle
for this

**********--------------*************-------------************
   
  Gently Blow the Winds of Change


Lamps descend in a painless waning
as darkness of our splitting horizon takes stride
The stillness air you glimmer
stands in a freeze by unrelenting spirits
Of our pages in characters of fidelity
that, which in transplant of our transparencies
thrive now even, those highlights of asterisk,
deep-planted surprises, soothing smileys and more cherishes ...
Never made question-marks to resurface among exchanges

Chirpy tunes of your peculiarity fills and fits in a heart in art
that touch peaks of differing needs, be it ways of melancholy or ecstasy
Utterances now are not out of a febrile freakish outbreak  
Rather, plenitude of pleasantries are speedy remarks for a chapter at last, for better
The creeping in meekness is not new to flesh in traps of change
almost all times, anything excessive just seems a hard cling, if not an abhorrence

Let us  speak our mother tongues, let loose wild to nature once again
Who knows, evergreens embrace our patchy peeling stems in a settling revamp


(Interesting Comp! and a rare chance to a sort of collab or touch other's thoughts n style, as we meddle them upon with our own flow. Thanks Smooge for the comp. firstly.
And, think I didn't mess enough with the essence of Lep's write, and more to say, his breezy word flow)



Here's one of mine for a re-write , if anyone's interested:|
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/77711-n-th-birth/

 

I am so down..
I want this re-written...

Smile's all agape

Lollipops aplenty
on candy cane lane.
An array of all the colors
Within the spectrum of the rainbow.
Fluffiest clouds
Of pure white cotton.
Every structure, and tree, and sign, and rock,
Wrapped delicately and thoroughly,
In plush pillows of goose down.
The ankle high,
'Silky soft to bare feet' grass,
Expressing shades of green,
That define the color..
Elated with childlike wonder
And innocence,
A kiddo at Disneyland,
I take off running full speed...
With a careless disregard
To possible injury,
I leap head long in classic
Superman style,
Testing the supple, down bumpers.
In attempt to reach forth to catch myself,
I find it impossible to extend my arms.
No matter.
I land with a light padded thud.

On my feet,
Again with the same childlike drive as before,
One foot before the other,
I take off in full on sprint..
Goofy look upon my face,
Tongue extended to its limit,
I aim with tenacity,
For the closest sweetness of a red lollipop.
As I reach it I am stopped,
Dead in my tracks.
Tongue, a millimeter removed
From sweet successful contact,
I recieve instead
The 'no taste' of invisible force field.
And as I'm shaken violently
From a thorazine induced trance,
My brilliantly colored,
Happy place of a world shrinks,
Down to an uncomfortable
8x8 padded cell.
"GOD DAMNIT!!" I scream,
My nose still itching like a mofo..
Unable to receive sweet relief
From just one go over with my
'Restrained in the happy jacket' finger.
Fuck...

And I will be competing..