Haunting

Fatherly Love

Why is is always the dead of night
that my mind plays back thoughts of you
meaningless tournaments of twenty questions
deliberating what I'd done wrong
besieged to comprehend why you turned

I know you loved me...
Once...
Maybe...
I hope...
Like a father should love his eldest

When did that love sour
when did it start firmly wrenching at your loins
until the disease consumed your humanity
driving you to renounce what little virtue you had left
to the incestuous monster you'd confined for twenty three years

And here I lay in the dark once more
veiled by your looming shadow
stony remembrances overlooking my joy
purified hands gripping my heart
your wretchedness tainting my freedom

In vain, I try to repel the murky pull
of miserable self-loathing that plagues persistently
questioning truth from all the deceptions  
to obscure the manic laughter of your sychophantic phantom
still revelling in my despair

That day  you left us I yelled at you.
Why didn't I stay?
You dove in the dark muddy water never to return.
Why did you go?
I needed to tell you I loved you.
If I was there would it be different?
(Background on this poem is my best friend drowned  while diving in a lake. I left an hour earlier and yelled at him before I left. Today is the two year anniversary of his death and I never got to go to his funeral because my parents wouldn't drive me. I don't even know where he is buried.) R.I.P. A.A.S. Forever remembered... Forever missed

The Voice

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/images/uploads/poemimages/110653.jpg

[font=Geneva]He's there,
I know he is.
He needs me,
to show others exists.

He screams inside my head,
over
and
over.
That Voice so compelling
dark
sinister.

A high pitch scream
rips out of my body,
with agony
I cry for help,
but falls on empty
ears and nobody
hears,
as he takes control,
and I loose myself.

My eyes, they see hell,
I fight,
but I'm chained
in a cell,
faraway in depth of my mind.

The voice
It told me,
It made me do it.
I tried,
to fight,
but I yielded.
He knows,
my inner being.
He knows, the rush, I love,
the feeling;
of blood
on me.

Oh Goddess!
the voice.
That odious sound,
it comes from the depths of my consciousness
inside me.
I swing, I swung,
He fell off the stairs and
hit the ground
unnaturally.


But that wasn't before
I had my way
Eating the flesh,
of that fucking priest
that raped a boy.
No one knew,
but I saw it all through my eyes.
I saw the gut-wrenching evil,
This thing has seen in it's time
the suffering,... my cry!

I feel dirty,
he defiled,
me. I'm no longer clean,
the voice still screams
and yells at me...
"Do my deed!"
The pain,
the torture,
the grief,
my sorrow,
The blood
on my hands runs all over.
It fills my mind.
The entity,
malevolent,
Oh No! He's angry..
Even yet, still,
he taunts and yells,
"KILL KILL KILL!"

I try,
the hardest,
I don't know if I'm dreaming,
or even still alive
I needed to free my mind.
I'm lost, I wail, moan.
I screamed, terrorized
and deafening myself with my own voice
yelling
"DIE, DIE, DIE!"[/font]

Deleted

The worst haunting
There are nights when I lay in bed
can't get you out of my head,
how could someone be so cruel
and hurt a 38 day old?
I think back to when I held
you in my arms, feeling your
breath on my neck, your heart
beating with mine, looking
into your deep blue eyes.
Sometimes I smile sometimes
I cry but everyday your on
my mind.
I am sorry your life was
taken so short, that your
daddy was a bastaed who
couldn't keep his hand to
his self.
I have no regrets that
you are my son, but I
wish everyday I would
have known the hell
you were going through
At work I was when you
were beat to death,
A broken arm, a broken
leg six broken ribs,
three skull-fractures
and three brain- anuerysms
and one mommy with a broke heart
My little one I could not
keep you safe, and for that
I will never forgive myself
You are now a angle in
heaven and in my heart.

The Boy

The boy who's smile could light up a room.
The boy who seemed so happy, so sweet.
The boy who used to walk me home.
The boy who I was always happy to see.
The boy who I never told my feelings to.
The boy who I wanted more than anybody.
The boy who did the most shocking thing yet.
The boy who wasn't as happy as he seemed.
The boy who felt unloved, unwanted.
The boy who found a loaded gun.
The boy who put a bullet in his head.
The boy who put an end to it all.
The boy who is gone, who is dead.
The boy who's memory invades my dreams.
The boy who haunts me, night and day.

My Nightmare


There is something so profound,
It talks with me while I'm asleep.

Its face it never shows,
So in the shadows I do creep.

And following this voice I shall,
It brings me to a grave.

And through the mist I read this tomb.
This tomb it reads my name.

I hear a silent whisper,
My ears begin to bleed.

A flash of light appears,
and Awakes me from this dream.

Another day goes by,
The night comes closing in.
Now on this second night,
I have this dream again.

I see myself in a shallow grave,
Eyes wide opened, and decaying.

I speak to me with silent words,
The pain I caused and pain I've earned.

The smell of death it lingers on,
As I awake to a new dawn.

By this time my minds grown weak,
The third night comes, can't wait to sleep.

To find out how I can change my sins
My Nightmares Me tonight this ends.

By darkheartmagic

© 2011 darkheartmagic (All rights reserved)

“Running Toward Nevermore”
http://medicmagic.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/child-running-.jpg
Over time,
patterns have
covered the scars.
A rip in my childhood,
such innocence
sat on the precipice,
and through
no action of my own,
innocence swallowed
the dirty deed,
never did I ask for his ritual.
Now and again,
I lose myself
in the adventure,
the adrenalin rushes,
trying to forget
the sin of a foul man
who harbored demons
in his slackened-pants,
played jollies of his own
with the younger breed.
There’s no way
to describe such terror
in the warm touch
meant for his satisfaction,
But I can assure you,
the attraction was not grand.
Even though
I made a stand,
ran like the wind
toward
nevermore,
the visual,
the firm grip,
has lasted a
lifetime.

NIGHT TERRORS
Drifting along inside of dreamland
Oh how it reaches the edges of the mind
Holding the smooth hand of Sandman
You never know just what you find

WAKE UP!

Screaming and covered in sweat
Falling into a void with no net
A man stalking you in the park
Things reach for you from the dark

Night terrors haunt this night just like all the others
Gasping now for a breath, your being feels smothered
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
From this nightmare

You fight and you fight
But nothing works, it’s not right
Ripping and pulling
Your arms from their sockets

WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
From this nightmare

You’re lying in your tangled sheets
And you are foaming at the mouth
Mumbling there, screams in your sleep
There is no way to get out

Cannot breathe, like you’re tied down
No word escapes you, not even a sound
Screaming for help is all you want to do
Struggle your best, no one will come help you

Night terrors haunt this night just like all the others
Gasping now for a breath, your being feels smothered
WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
From this nightmare

Great writing, poets. Some really inspiring pieces in here, going to be hard to judge

Back to old habits


After dreams like that,
it feels as if my innocence
is shouting accusingly through the years,
her arms wrapped around our favorite bear
and her tiny hand pulling at her hair.

“Why didn't you stop Him?
Why didn't you protect me?”

I plead with her;
“There's nothing I could have done.”

“You should have fought!”

“I was too weak.”

“You should have screamed!”

“There was no one to hear.”

And like a slap in the face;
“You should have TOLD!”

“No one would have believed it,
not coming from me;
they didn't believe me about Sister.”

“It doesn't matter!
Even if no one believed you
He would never have dared do it again!”

…I have no argument;
she takes a step away from me with an exclamation.

I shake my head in preemptive denial
as my fingers wrap around the hair
at the nape of my neck, pulling;
the old habit resurrected
by this collision of eras.

And she says it,
in a hollow tone of betrayal;
“You LET me die.”

My whispered “no” is barely audible
above the tearing sound of hair
roughly separated from the roots.

“You did. You didn't want him to stop loving you.
I bet it made you feel special,
didn't it? As least,
before you found out you weren't the only one.”
Her voice is jeering,
and she shakes her head in disgust.

I make that final yank
and the rush of the pain blots out everything else,
so familiar,
it's as if it had only been a few days,
instead of over a decade and a half,
since I had last succumb
to this particular impulse.
I look down at the departed chunk
of hair and flecks of blood
and let the strands fall between my fingers,
unwinding pleasurably
in long remembered swirls.

I try to use the thrashing endorphins
to look her in the eyes as I respond,
but find I still can't do it;
“That isn't true.”

She smirks humorlessly,
and right before she fades back in time, says;
“Who are you trying to convince?”

Haven


Your sly hands,
eager to tickle, pinch, and play;

all I have to do is say 'yes',
and they'd be mine.


Your mischievous grin,
which says you love to break the rules;

all I have to do is say 'yes',
and it'd be mine.


Your upturned eyes,
shining with teasing mirth;

all I have to do is say 'yes',
and they'd be mine.


Your shaking breath,
ragged with overwhelming laughter;

all I have to do is say 'yes'
and it'd be mine.


All I have to do is say 'yes'.


All I have to do...


The possibility is staggering,
dizzying, and intoxicating.


The thought of my lips
on all of you...


In so many ways
we would be each others' firsts.


You would always remember me,
despite how short a time we'd have...


and all I have to do...


All I have to do...


...yes.
yes.
Yes!


I'm at work;
come to me.


Every person who isn't you is a disappointment.


I'm at work;
come to me

and I'll tell you

yes.


My mind spins with thoughts of you.

Yes!


My mind spins as I plan for you.

Yes!


And as if summoned,
you come to me;

all I have to do is say 'yes',
and you'll be mine.


I take your sly hand
(yes),

you give me your mischievous grin
(yes),

you look to me with upturned eyes
(yes),

your breath is even, and sure
(yes),


...and I let you go.


And I tell you no.


You look so sad,
but I tell you no.


I silently scream in anguish,
but I tell you no,

and I let you go.

Thanks for the trophy & thumbs up to Darker & oldmanadeus...