Reckless writing

Gasoline Skies


Gasoline skies contemplate suicide,
heaving out cigarette smoke figures
which fight the battles he never could.
Thinking in his matchstick castle,
formed by waning silvery wisps of
shooting star trails,
the first decision is made.

Helios slumps beside him,
vacantly hunting truth with
all intentions of man slaughter.
The sun sank into depression;
shipwrecked with muted gold ruins,
extinguished by guilt.
Mourning pulls a few strings,
and a decision is made.

A sun regenerated unfurls itself
over the expanse of long-gone blue.
A lightning bolt from the heavens,
nurtures steadily growing wildfire.
Helios fuses into the flames,
they welcome him home with
blistering excitement flickering.
A new beginning has ignited.

This one just fell out of me from nowhere some months back...


Poppy Red Stardust From Fingertips


A fathomless fortitude...
falling in poppy red stardust from fingertips
as it alights upon
the wave of sensual desire



Where hushed dreams soothe
as moonlight shines through eyes
warming depths where cold visits often
melting to flow freely



Pain fades to places of numb
bringing life in gentle stabs
of sweet breathing emotions
releasing in a flow of salty rivulets



Where things tightly wrapped and bound
become loose and tumble into skies
of my captivating view
Stroking my soul to new levels



Pulse points beat to the drum
of my new found spectrum
energizing in it's wake
the very core of what is now



And I lose the shroud
that has veiled my view
where I moved in pointless direction
I choose with clarity the next moment



It is mine...........

it's not just nice guys we all lose


she says she loves my hair and how long does it take to style it?
i tell her after the bottle of whiskey ,oxycontin, ambien and temazepam last night i think i slept for about 12 hrs.
what day is it?
i love you
what's your name?
she dances so loud but all i hear is silence
a shotgun blast could'nt divert this cold stare
i wanna drive you home or atleast somewhere
i'm gonna get famous and kill myself
won't that be an interesting notch in your bedpost?
i wanna fuck the shit out of you wearing a homer simpson mask
is that wierd?
did i just say that out loud?
the joker  is dead but i'm still here
havin my own personal boxing match with benzos
on father's day i get cans of tomato soup
pictures of babies just make me wanna kick a baby
or atleast get a lil shaky
her spanish heritage makes me wanna enthuse her to write a suicide note in pig latin on the back of one of my flyers
let's hold hands and die
this comedy act will make you cry
sippy cups filled with sulfur
my ulcer
me, hanson and the olson twins splittin up heath ledger's leftover stash
push the red button
take the cat out of the microwave
diamonds would be prettier if they were'nt so fuckin expensive
i love getting a new job just because of how much i love to quit
hey lil kim! i got a sweet tooth for that chocolate ass
i hate how hating my life seems to be so fucking attractive
i just want cancer or some back up dancers
i don't think very highly of the women i sleep with because they would sleep with a guy like me
especially when the cops tell me they got in with a fake id
hey n. korea
why can't you invent something cool?
i'm serious...
like a girl who smells like vanilla cherries on her period?
hold on ....quiet....
i love this part.
shit nevermind
my x wife is still alive
but i got an ace up my sleeve
i've been practicing this one
you wanna see a magic trick?
poof! we all disappear!!!!

Just Because (2)



Playing the game without the refrain
of the slip and slide that brings only pain
Hand out the fire watch it transpire
into the hell of my fashioned desire




Turning and burning around as it's furling
licking the edge of the baton I'm twirling
Taste the lace of my willing haste
touch the thrill that I embrace




Walking the wire of the rush
without the fall and heavy crush
The edge of the ledge that I allege
holds the vow that I here pledge




My will and pull I shall instill
with each cast of my psychic spill
Hypnotic erotic maybe chaotic
depends on the needs
of this sometimes psychotic




After I ground the energies abound
shall move on vibrations of earthly sound
Reflecting protecting the place I am left in
a web created of strength no deflecting.

fn tps reports (did you get the memo)


hey john!!!!!!
       tone it down a lil bit!
the voices in your head are getting so loud it's bothering your
co workers!        they might have to let you go!    
or maybe i'll just quit.i'm sick.
of not bein in porno again
i wanna try this thing
                  as something with a dorsal fin
i'm sick of being the guy talkin to himself in the plaza
i'm sick of not being hugo chavez
it's all a process
i will only share my cocaine with a girl who dates me in a dirty prom dress
i've got  ochum's
   easiest answers to problems
when you get off your high horse meet me back at the bottom
we are all cosmic empty faced imprisoned slop
and can't occupy the same space unless we are watchin different  clocks!
i've got i sware i've i've got
a redesigned gadget/fatman device
i'm able to see through a fat man dancing agains human  skin and these obscene lies
it seems i've been to 1983 twice
and with sid viscious in february of 79 like 5 x
i'm a stand in standing in infinite re runs of the truman show
i gotta watch tv to remind myself i even exist anymore
i don't even fucking know truman!!!!
another water cooler conversation about how debra is gaining a few lbs and george is boozin again
i should have taken the blue pill
never trust rabbits
           or orphan pastors
those bastards
   are just trying too hard


from the bunner st journals

behind CloSet doors.. ! extreme content !
lets talk vitals

as he's
sittin idle

behind closet doors

the smell of a
fiend
foaming at the mouth
while

waiting to watch

the

babies

pants

come

down

another round of
sipping sedation
to drown the
dripping sensation
of a

pedophiles peep show

precum.. slips
from the tip
as the child
starts to unzip

sick fuck
soaked in spit
gets off

in his own dirty laundry.


These vitals
should read



Flat line..........

the thing untrusted

Relationship part of Gods creation.
Relationship most of my pain.
Relationship all of my peace.
Relationship alludes me.
In its absence addiction screams.
In human form risky business .
In spiritual form so hard to hold on to.
Relationship, I really don't trust it .
Relationship scares the shit out of me.
Life with out it scares me more.
 
But I really don't trust it!
I really don't trust it!
I really don't trust them!
I really don't trust me!
I  
really
don't
trust
G
O
D.
 
I  really don't trust,...................
 
When you don't trust your god, and it is unclear where god stops and you start. How do you live in this deistic self protective life, this practice of playing god, the god you don't trust.  
The world closes in as you hide in deeper and darker places,  you hide from any relationship, including one with yourself.  after all you've played god and failed your self so who IS left to trust?
 
Do I trust dope?
Do I trust the hooker that helps me buy?
Do I trust the overdose to finally do its job?
 
Every thing fails me!
I fail every thing!
 
Prodigal dope fiend runs back to his place with the pigs when life kicks him,  
To messed up, stubborn, to scared, to hooked to see a future,. . .
God I pray you save me,... clean me up,.....while I sit in this pig shit.
I wipe the shit off,...with shit covered hands,... doesn't seem to get me clean,...
How come god doesn't listen,  
How come god doesn't join me in my shit to clean me,...
How come I cant see, that I am choosing to stay in the shit.
That god is waiting for the one thing I won't do....
To get up out of the shit and walk toward him.
Prodigal God loves me!
Prodigal God wants to meet me, as I journey back to him, with loving Arms!
Prodigal God is powerless over my free will.
Free will that chooses to sit in my shit.
 
Relationship,
Free will ,
Self indulgence ,
Pain,
Confusion,
Escape ,
Spiritual void,
 
At some point trust has to move past only being invested in escape, and move  into existing in the pain of living,...
To move into relationship,...
        relationship with God.
Relationship with the world around me,.....and others free will to walk towards Him, or sit in their shit!

Ramblings of a seeker

Primal hunger, feeding frenzy
Chase the rush, addicts envy
Look for more but nothing is left
Sucked up my life, yet guilt has heft
 
I can lie in the moment to justify actions
But truth be told, my life has two factions
The Spirit installs aware of right from wrong  
Yet here I kneel to the dope man on his throne
 
Two sides to chooe, I roll in addictions so dark
While Christ grieves for me, his crucifixion my ark
I don't like the fact that He grieves of my sin
I hide in my addiction, crack pipe, solace found in
 
His teaching seldom found for me in a church
Today I have found Kingdom family, finished search
There are some seekers out there, started to wake
To the portrait of God in His son, they did stake
 
Teaching of love and acceptance of the fallin
Forgiveness, compassion, a new life to walk in
I am to be a vessel to let his love flow
See when I live it, miracles light glow
 
I have little to offer with out my savior
Proven that whole life with self seeking favor
How do I learn to live is such grace
To not beat self up for the mess I have made
 
Accepting forgiveness is hard for me
Tend to want control, to try and  be deity
The god complex lives in all of us at times
Right now its cured for me in revelation of rhymes  
 
In placing my darkness on paper with pen
I make real to myself the origin of my sin
For me this truth is clear as this write
To let go and let God, is salvation tonight
 
Started the poem in the thick of a jones
It turned into more, it struck to my bones
That Gods hand works through this as I am writing
Spills out his love for me, from Christ dying
 
In addiction I embrace needle and blood
In salvation transformed life now out of sins mud
Seeking to change, to live testimony of His love
Hoping Spirit touches readers like biblical dove
 
I wish not to sound preachy or on a box once soap in
More to share how Christ teachings has saved me from coffin
I can't express in words, with paper and pen
The darkness, hopless pain of addiction lived in
 
Suicidal using was all that I new
Trying to blow heart out right in front of you
I did not see from my view there was a any roads left  
On the ride home He touch my soul, prior to turning the car to  meet cliff

The writting this poem it may seem a bit scrambled
My truth's I try to right but I know that I ramble
I guess in the end all I am trying to say
Is the church of my youth to the darkness did sway
 
That my Christ did not portray,  
gay hate,
American pride
Voting republican,
baby killers are damned
In REALLY looking at His teachings a different way
loving embrace
forgiveness
with out judgement

unlike that of man.
 
Poems form gives way to my desire to share, and perhaps illustrate  
My transformed picture, God through Christ verses the religious magistrate  
Man defiles our image of God when from a pulpit they scream, their politics and personal agenda  
Turns Christ teachings into bastardized slogans, life hating propaganda  
 
I hope dear reader, this poem to touch thee
Half as much as the writing of it did me.

Fuckin' love verse!

Fuck you BITCH!!!  
Fuck you for hurting me!!!  
Fuck you for screwing!!!  
Fuck you for letting me suffer!!!  
Fuck you for making me bleed!!!  
Fuck you for causing me too much pain I don't fuckin' deserve!!!  
Fuck you for ruining my life!!!  
Fuck you for making a fool out of me!!!  
Fuck you for cheating!!!  
Fuck the sorrow!!!  
Fuck the tears!!!  
Fuck the miseries!!!  
Fuck the burden!!!  
Fuck the lies!!!  
Fuck all your shits!!!  
Fuck all your broken promises!!!  
Another FUCK for your fuckin' new bedmate!!!  
I just want you to get the fuckin' out of my life!!!
Fuck TRUST!!!
Fuck FAITH!!!  
Fuck LOVE!!!  
Fuck everything!!!  
FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!

You walked away..

I was hurt the day I saw you walk away  
I was in pain, I was tormenting  
Until now I am shut, I am slur..  
You created this fear inside  
You promised an eternal life  
FOREVER, you said it was meant for us,  
But what happened to the happy memories  
what happened to those caring arms?  
what happened to your sweet facade?  
what happened to your promises?  
what happened to you my baby?  
   
   
I gave you everything,    
luxuries, love and everything you needed  
I tried to be the perfect girl for you  
I showed you how much I really love you..  
   
   
You broke me and left me alone  
You walked away not minding the glum on my face  
You walked away with someone I didn't know    
You walked away and left me in tears... You walked away....  
   
   
Even if you choose to walk away  
I chased you like I'm running out of life  
The day you spoke and went away  
I waited but in few days I saw you with someone else  
You asked me to stay,  
You asked me to not let you go and I did..  
Still I waited, 1 month, 5 months, until 10 months passed  
You keep me waiting baby.. How long will I wait?  
   
   
I was longing for the words you used to say  
Memories you shattered like grains    
How can I pick up myself now that you are gone?  
You left me hanging in a dead people's town..  
   
   
You never cared about the way I feel  
You never cared about everything I did  
You never cared about the things we shared  
You never cared about the promises you feed.  
Now tell me should I care if you come back?  
Should I care even if I still love you like hell?  
Should I still wait even if you cannot let go of the other one  
while asking me and telling me you still love me?  
   
   
I want to move on and find a better life  
I want to chase happiness you forbid  
I want to be happy with someone else  
But baby please if you cannot stay,  
Please, just let me walk away...

Oblivious to the rain outside
windscreen bugged out good
puddles muddy death traps
tail lights broken ahead
sheer drop below
pebbles slippery Squish

More gas
entranced
Like an eagle soaring
69 Dodge took flight
To feel the breeze run through my fingers
Responsibilities lost
Untouchable in this wind
I soar
suddenly come to grief
tail lights too dim to see
correction failed
oblivion reached
I soar to the unknown

No longer in control
I feel the breeze
G forces pull me

Down

Ice cold like stabbing knives
Sinking deeper
Breathless
Eyes flicker
throat chokes

Me and my 69
Charger
through murky water
we are gone

I soar

Congratulations to the winner, the runner-ups, and all the others.

Thanks...Kasupuu...great comp.

Strider 8)