Suicide

Write a poem about a time when you or someone else was suicidal and how you felt while it was happening.

Alternative: Write about what you think death will feel like.

A girl stood by the window
Her heart cries
As she remembered her parents endless nags and abuse towards her
she is sick of all this.
Being a failure and a burden to everyone she loves
The room where she used to sleep with her parents
is dark and messy to the girl eyes
Outside the window
Lays a concrete pattern shaped like a doorway
It is heaven gates to her.
A entrance for her to dissapear from reality.
She climbs out of the window
Stood on a ledge.
And with a deep breathe
jumps down with no regrets.
As she knew that her death will being relieve to everyone
With her head facing downwards.
She headbutt open the entrance door
And dissapears from our world.

To live in the dark, and abhor the light
I swallow the answer to win this fight

The darkness eats away all my evil truth
Hidden behind the light I disguise my abuse

I become a question hidden in a room of answers
The darkness in me spreads forth like cancer

Oh! To be the shadow and you the man
Taking your place is my only plan

To be the slave instead of master
I release the reigns of my disaster

You may see me dance across the earth
In anonymity I have found my rebirth

You may gather in the light and watch us mimic from the ground
But to each you will ask who’s shadow have you found

You can not determine which is me
I am hidden where I want to be

“Wolves Won”
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/images/uploads/poemimages/64948.jpg
We create our own dreams in slumber.
Last night, a wolf pack chased me.
Seems like they had my number.
Desperate, I ran for my life.
They howled like banshees, spoke in
high pitched shrieks as their excitement grew.
They drew closer, I could smell the sickening
stench fuming from this close-knit group.
The frantic hunt ended in a box canyon.
I tasted cold steel before I kissed it.
Sorry Dear, the wolves won.
My dreary dreams are over,
fear and me are
gone forever,
too.
No
more
blue.

http://www.afsp.org/images/Layout_Images/nspw.jpg

YOU GET TO CHOOSE
 
I will give you a choice
Of how to die
Cancer or Mental Illness
Bet you already know why
 
Cancer is serious
Mental illness was your choice
You were not positive
You must have done something wrong
 
Never mind the evidence
Of neurological SPECT studies
That the mind of depression
Is different from the norm
 
Cancer causes death
You fought it with such courage
You sorry soul – with mental illness
Had to resort to hanging
 
When that splendid fighter
Fought cancer to the end
A hundred people came to the funeral
Many many friends
 
When they found out you were bipolar
Oh how the friends did flee
Never mind the statistics
These folks are great in many ways
 
So if you have depression, anxiety or such
Do not share it with anyone, even now
You will be labeled crazy
There go your jobs, friends, and credibility
 
People who are mentally ill
Tend to kill themselves in remission
That is when they realized
The sad truth about their condition
 
No friends, no jobs, nobody listens
Even your guardian angel
Is out of commission
The final injustice comes – your family rejects you
 
So what shall it be: hanging or poisoning?
No guarantee that either will work
Only thing you can count on is the fact
There will be no-one at your funeral..after all that.

Tic Tac Toe

It's just a transition really.nothing too out of the ordinary.
I mean, everybody has to go sometime.
just the one time.
might as well go on my own terms.

It's not like there is going to be
an endless stream
of uncontrolled brevity stricken friendlies
crying for an eternity.

If death wasn't so close.the suspense would be killing me.
thinking 'bout where I'll be when the sun goes down.

Jesus,if your up there turn away
you have nothing to offer this soul's future

why isn't there some kind of brochure
one can flick through and decide where the next ride will be
I'm hoping for a far away galaxy with some degree of intelligence
surpassing all forms of money and grief and drama and jealousy

A big ask I know but we'll see.

 
















 

I can't wait to see the faces of all your lies
on my darkest day where im laid beneath,
your bloodshot eyes..

Sing me that oh so sweet lullaby,
Of how I was the one who made you feel so alive,
but still you,
drowned my desire on the pool's shallow side

I Fluttered like butterfly in the southeast's light
I drew my weapon and died beneath its might
You were my angel and I was your knight
Then why was the story laid out,
where I was to die?

Tonight's The Night





I am alone in my quiet life
My heart awaits this haunting knife
In my hand the blade still dry
Longs for the fate I can't deny
 
I've walked this road in the distant past
I want this time to be the last
This tangled web I can't untie
Trapped within my own sordid lie
 
There is a weight I cannot lift
My heavy heart's been lost adrift
My soul sinks deeper from the sky
Tonight's the night I want to die
 
 
* 05/21/2001
JJ

Quarter-Life Crisis





Mom and Dad didn't know
Their mistakes scarred me forever
They never let love show
Or taught me how to be secure
So unsure
Half way to middle age
 
It has gone by too fast
Will the next half pass so quickly?
Can I let go of the past
And the need to write it on this page?
Feeling lost
Half way to middle age
 
Stress ever increases
Confusion reaching everywhere
Tearing me to pieces
So many that I cannot bear
To face facts
Half way to middle age
 
Now I'm twenty years old
And my cards are on the table
I wonder if I should fold
'Cos I feel I am unable
To face life
Half way to middle age
 
 
*03/25/1983
JJ

Mon amour viennent coucher avec moi
   
"let them sigh hard with envy whenever they speak of us"  
 
 
 
         Come my love and die with me
 
    let's leave this place this awful place
 
     and all its scorn and all it's hate
 
          behind us far behind us
 
 
     come my love the hour draws near
 
        a warmness wells inside
 
     i see the ending in your eyes
 
      don't fear my love i'm here
 
 
     come my love and lie with me
 
   lets face the sky and pick a star
 
  the furthest star the brightest star
 
     away from all this misery
 

"Beginning"


Heaven has lost us, love
so stop staring at the skies.
We've been abandoned;
left to search for ourselves.
We'll turn into bones and flies.

Nothing of us will remain;
we are mortal spirits, trying
to outlive the eternal clouds.
I'll always give you my eye
even when the skin is lying.

Heaven has lost us, love
so look to the skies within.
We'll fly them for now,
we'll fly them soon after
for death is where we begin.

A Moment To Late


You walked into the bathroom
a moment to late.
I was already
in the tub.
I already
sliced my wrist.
I already lost to much blood.
You couldn't save me.
So instead
you pulled me out
and held me in your arms.
You ran your fingers through my hair
and planted kisses on my face
as I was slowly dying in your arms.
"I love you Kayla" you whispered against my neck.
I reached up to touch your face,  
your tears leaving their wetness on my fingers.
I feel my eyes sting
with the tears that started to spill onto my cheeks.
"I'm sorry Jeremy" I feel the pain subsiding
as I slowly approach Death's door.
"I love you Jeremy" I feel myself
take my last breathe
the last thing I see before Death envelopes me in his embrace
is your lovely, sad face.

Let Me Go


I think about how much I hate my life as I,  
sit in the tub pulling out my razor,
grab my parents gun, checking to see if it’s loaded,
open up my window and peer at the street, 50 feet below,
step on the chair, slipping the noose around my neck.
I think about you
and I can’t breathe
I’m so pissed.
I loved you and you lied.
Let me do this.
Let me go I cry
as the razor bites my wrist,
red pooling into the tub.
Let me go I whisper  
as I put the gun to my head,
pulling the trigger.
Let me go I scream
as I spread my arms out
and jump.
Let me go I mumble
as I kick the chair out from under me,
the rope cutting my breath off,  
snapping my neck.
Don’t cry over me.
Let me go.
Let,
me,
go.

you think sucide is taking your life
it isnt the real sucide for me is living every day
know it wont get better not have the guts to kill my self
in away life is sucide you have people around you naging u
telling you what do where to go and all this other shit sucide isnt always gonna be a person who hangs them self
cuts there throuch or stabbs them selfs
its how the person feels inside about life
and for that it can be sucide

My Gift To You

I think about your face as I stand in the bathroom
The light, so bright, reveals all my imperfections
I was never good enough, just never enough
I try to yell for help, begging for release
A quick escape, please, I can't bear this pain

You lied and cheated, stole my heart and broke it
You saw my pain and used it, saw my soul and abused it
You hurt me so much, day after day
Your fists on my face, shoes at my ribs
You brought a mountain of agony down over me and that was okay
It was all my fault, always my fault

I learned to step so lightly I barely left a trace
All the people around me, none of them saw me fade to grey
I receded to the shadows, trying to hide from you
But even after I'd run a thousand miles your voice still found me

So I'll go to a place that I know you can't reach
See, I know the truth: it is you who's weak
But you will never see that it is I who gave you life
I who was and should have been your pride
You threw me away, tossed me aside when you were through
Like worthless trash you discarded me, abandoned me to the world

I will not leave you a note, won't explain why I am doing this
I hope the questions eat you up inside, regurgitate you and swallow you
Though the horror you are about to witness will never serve as recompense for your wrongs
I hope I live long enough to see the look on your face
Your eyes, I always thought they were beautiful
Now look into mine and let your soul wither with my body

Blood pools around me as my arms bleed
I avoided the arteries so my death will come slow
You will panic and try to save me, and when your eyes fall on mine you will know
You will beg me not to leave, beg for another chance
But the poison in my veins will rob you of your redemption
Late, too late you will see me
The real me, the girl you threw away
There will be no pain in my eyes as darkness claims me
But in yours I will see the beginning of your agony

I will smile in my heart, my spirit free
For that look on your face I would do it all over again
Sit in your misery and think of me
While I, for eternity, claim my freedom