lost love

Couches

   Feels like clouds
Feels like hot summer days
  Something sends chills
  Something feels smooth
Smell of ocean and soft mint
      hazed minds
         racing
        speeding
        Its over
        It breaks
         loving
         Caring
         Lied to
     Crumbling down
      Its raining
     Loud thunder
        Its over

My Desperate Town   (written in 2010)  

I found a hair clip today
tears refill an old
windy bay
I'm alone so cold
no longer can I hold
the morning of a new day .

The time we spent
has left to bigger dent
the feelings left behind
your smile and laugh
of its own kind
you moved the matter
the cells of a scatter
that make up my
shattered mind
of a no better .

We sit together
frozen in pictures
coats of leather
laughing in stitches .

The earth unkind
buries me to hellish heights
all the kings charge and remind
me of the gone knights .

As the bird flies
I rub my hydrated eyes
please god give me
a pleasant  surprise .
bring Natalie back
and light up the down
to replace the black
of my desperate town .

How Much It Hurts    

I can hear the drone
of the tightened bow
it draws across
the strings so slow
I feel the stinging  
inner cold
the music chills
it fills my soul
if only you could ever know .

How much it hurts
how much it pains
I have no worth
no more to gain
the cold of church
take me away
oh steeple high
can I now pray
no time to buy
left in this day
the blue of sky
colours to fade .

Piano help me
with your soft notes
the air of you
it makes me float
the harp of yesteryear
it ripple pools
the diamond water tears
now crushed up jewels .

Just crushed up jewels .

Loves Trace
                             Black Space  
                            Fills my eyes  
                          And then my blood  
                    Peer through this glass wall  
                   Stealing my glance till i fall  
               Crashes, Smashes, Whatever beats, thuds  
              My body bleeds to the touch of hard ties  
           I cant escape your amazing hold in this place  
              My mind tries to leave only my soul cries  
                  Tickling my veins until they flood  
                Till i stop breathing my heart stalls  
                          On my knees i crawl  
                          Pushing through mud    
                             Hear my cries  
                              Loves Trace

Raj, you came to me
In a dream
You were tall and thin and young
Barely 21
Alone
Many miles from home
But the home was not India
It was Port of Spain

We were a melange
Of Trinidad and Tobago
In the lab
At McGill
Raunchy, rowdy, laughing
All different, yet the same
Colonized by Britain
English our common tongue

Do you remember
How cold you were
In December
How we huddled
Together
With my warmth
My northern roots
Heating you
With your equatorial blood

I met your parents
You met mine
Your father - tall and dignified
Your mother - in a sari
Five thousand years of civilization
Could not be erased
You met my mother
Who thought you ideal
If not in the right package

So there was to be
No Hindu marriage ceremony for me
Years later
The invitation to yours - was in my mail
But I had also married what
My parents wanted

We had much in common
Despite the differences
An Indian Diaspora
Leaving a caste-ridden country
One ruled by the great colonizers
Who still colonized us

I still see your black eyes and hair
The sheen of your chocolate skin
The way you held me
The goals we had

I wonder how you are
If life treated you fairly
You wanted to be a physician
So did I
But I failed
Did you?

What becomes of the ones we love
Who we never see again
They haunt our hearts
They haunt our dreams
Leave us feeling ashamed
For wanting you 40 years later
I feel disloyal to my current love
Who has been so good to me
But way back then
I could not forsee
The good I was going to get
I only saw
What I had lost
Lived for years
In regret....

Curse The Rain

I opened my eyes to the sound of rain
torn from a dream of happiness without you;
a smile quickly soaked in pain
as a storm drenches my bright and blue

The memories come relentlessly rushing,
a slideshow of how much we've lost.
The weight on my heart is cruel and crushing,
I wasn't prepared for what it would cost.

There isn't a single tear left for me to cry
so I've decided to bleed and scream.
I only want to forget us, embrace the goodbye
and to live in these beautiful dreams.

A song, a place, a sound or smell
and suddenly I'm surrounded by you,
now you come with the rain as well
I can't escape to embrace a life renewed.

I don't want to waste my thoughts on you,
I want to set every single memory on fire
smiling at the flames and the brilliant hue
as our years vanish in this funeral pyre.

I'm doing my best to wash you away
but I can't control what triggers the pain.
I woke up this morning with our memories at bay.
I woke up this morning, cursing the rain.

Thinking About You

The water
the ocean
 my refuge

I  
come here
 when all
  is lost
   to think

and

Today
 its to  
  think
   about you
I
see
 the
  sunset
   in all  
    its  
     beauty

Oranges
 pinks
  yellows
   and
    purples
     in the
      sky


Blues
 greens
  and greys
   in the
    water

I  
 walk  
  along the
   beach
    toes
     sinking
      in the
       moist  
        pebbles
         of the  
          sand

Warm
 water  
  splashing
   over  
    my  
     feet

My
 long locks
  of  
   coffee
    brown
     hair
      blowing
       in  
        the
         warm  
          ocean
           breeze

and

 I  
  think back  
   and
    remember
     us
      rolling
       around
        in the sand

Our
 bodies
  crashing
   into
    each other
     like  
      waves
       onto  
        the shore

Our moans
 like  
  the  
   howls  
    of  
     wind
      between
       the cliffs  
        out over
         the  
          water

and

 The mist
  hitting
   our hot bodies
    as if  
     intentionally  
      to cool  
       us down

I remember
 looking
  into  
   your eyes
    and
     seeing
      the glow
       of  
        the moon
         as we lay  
          on this beach

and  

 I  
  thought
   I  
    could stare
     into  
      those  
       eyes  
        forever

but

 Forever  
  has  
   come
    and
     gone

and  

 All  
  I  
   can  
    do  
     now
      is  
       remember

I pushed you
like a toy boat
onto a river
but let the wind bring you back, for
I never wanted you
to be gone so long.

Magnificently there
in a place where all love in consistent
I am not in that place yet
Not with him
My love you will be with me one day
Scattered memories will always be there
To be away for so long will kill me more than anything
But to see you suffer so is worse
I love you will the end
Die for me peacefully

                    I  HAD  TO   CRY
After  all   the   love  to   her
She  insisted to   say   why
I   struggled to   ask   why
I   found   out   she  had   another  guy.


All  the  promises  was  a   lie
In   my  heart   she   was   the   only   girl
Then   suddenly   she  left   my   life
I  became  sad    and    lonely  in   my  world.

I   don’t   know   what  she  has
Since  that   day   my   life   is  worse
Meanwhile  she  is   happy  and  calls  me   bad
My  envy  to   her    makes  me   hurt.

Baby  thanks  is  my   reply
I   know   u   don’t  need   a   revive
One   day  u  Will  also   have   your   dislike
When   ur   pain   will be   this  much.

Hurt by his own hand:

He sits there writing his mind
Trying to write always words of kind
Filled with anger and madder than he'll
What made him this way: I will tell

She loved him like a mother with a child
All happy and free; running wild
Nothing could ever break this bond
If he only would've thought he could be wrong

It scared the shit out of him so much
It got to the point he fell out of touch
He ran for this was love he was not use to
For all she wanted was his " I Love You "

Love with no strings attached
Thier two hearts were a perfect match
He ran for as fast as he can
Only to be hurt by his own hand

He has drowned in his sorrow for hundreds of days
Filled with emptiness everytime he lays
Never to forget the times they shared
Now he's nothing to her; like she never cared

Replaying her parting words; that was a devils kiss
" It may take an enternity and maybe more
I will make you that you never exsist"

Now I sit here praying for a simple hi
Or closure just a simple good bye
Their is not a day that goes by that I think of
I hurt myself with my only true love

JAITO said:                     I  HAD  TO   CRY
After  all   the   love  to   her
She  insisted to   say   why
I   struggled to   ask   why
I   found   out   she  had   another  guy.


All  the  promises  was  a   lie
In   my  heart   she   was   the   only   girl
Then   suddenly   she  left   my   life
I  became  sad    and    lonely  in   my  world.

I   don’t   know   what  she  has
Since  that   day   my   life   is  worse
Meanwhile  she  is   happy  and  calls  me   bad
My  envy  to   her    makes  me   hurt.

Baby  thanks  is  my   reply
I   know   u   don’t  need   a   revive
One   day  u  Will  also   have   your   dislike
When   ur   pain   will be   this  much.

Mimi kama hii style ya kuandika wewe. inaonekana kwa kufaa zaidi.

Our Final Kiss
Rose petals falling
Gently tangling in your hair.
This is the end.
We’ve known forever
That this would come.
And it is far more beautiful
Than I could have possibly imagined.
There are no tears
No useless cries to continue this.
Only the rose petals tangling around us
And a final kiss.

You want to blame me
For all the pain in your heart.
Even your wandering eyes
Are my fault in your mind.
I wish I could be angry
Or hurt. But I know only the calm
That always comes before a storm.

Later I will hurt for this.
But this has to be the end.
I will not bleed for you anymore.
You will not be in my prayers tonight.

Later you may ask for my help.
But you gave up that right
When you kissed her.
I may take pity on you then.
But the love you took for granted
Will be denied to you
Ever more.

You seem sad
Did you not want this to end?
Then you should have never kissed my friend.
Those lips were supposed to belong to me.
Don’t tell me you’re going to cry?
Now you care? NOW?

Well here is your last kiss my Dear.
Use this time well.
This will be the last time you know this feeling.
You know what I’m talking about, the feeling
That the girl you kiss actually loves you.
That she isn’t using  you for your money
Or the jealousy that follows your girl.
For no other could love you as completely as I did.
As I still do….

Goodbye Matthew.
I hope you find peace.
But you will never find love,
Not when you couldn’t see it an inch in front of your beautiful face.

A poem of a sad loosing love:


I am sorry to inform you that your wife has died; 
She was giving birth; with me at her bedside. 
You have a beautiful baby girl 6lbs 10oz; 
I know that this does not help from my death announces. 

Sorry that we had to obey what she wanted so much; 
She lived long enough to feel the baby's first touch. 
She soon past after that she held her in her hands; 
Now she resides in the heavens sands. 

I am sorry that we could not get hold of you for many had to call; 
It made us think you did not care at all. 
We had to make it her only decision; 
For you gave your wife's delivery a intermission. 

I can only apologize one more time for my life is lost; 
It also came with her life's cost. 
Being wasted and stoned was your dedicated sin; 
You won't even know me for I was my sisters twin. 

Sorry is just another way of getting out of a mistake. 


"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved." 
"Mark Twain"