Truthfully Speaking. . .

Doors without handles


They tracked me down.
The inevitable sniffed the drunken stench,
then forced their stench in my ears.
I'll go quietly,
happily,
drunk and fucking stupidly.

After standing and presenting
my petty excuses for unthinkable sins.
I was judged to return when three moons past.
Untried by law, convicted by life.

A wagon of meat(though not for the butcher)
transported me to my new dwellings.
A stone hell for local sinners.

I was cornered by my best friend, anger;
he would keep my head above water,
though he brought me to this hell.

A kind faced minion showed me my hole.
I had the choice of two beds:
Up high or below?
None of these could escape the smell;
the foul reek of a thousand men's piss
sponged into my new home.

I have the luxury of my own toilet,
nobody can tell me when to piss.
My bladder is free:
No more waiting for hours
surrounded by people
when all you need is to release,
but there's no toilet.
When i feel the swelling urge,
two steps and I'm at my bladders throne.

The urge awoke me in the early hours.
I took my two steps and switched the light on,
and to my suprise i wasn't alone.
There were little silver cockroach-likes
darting across my new floor;
scurrying for safety away from the light.

After the subsidence of my disgusted shock
I grabbed her majesty's issued shoe,
and proceeded ending the little lives.

The next two hours were spent
switching the light off and waiting.
Switching it back on to suprise the pests,
and take a nail full to be reaped.



Time passed slower than time was.
Surrounded by men half my size;
twice my ego.
Men who visit this hell and know every minion's name.
To them my hell is there church,
a place to wallow in self-pity and seek forgiveness.

My day of long awaited reckoning
arrived with heaven's crying rain.

It was my time to be judged,
and judge my unjust judgement.

He threw at me with all is anger and authority
the greatest he could muster.
Five years pissed from his lips
with a snake-like hiss and eyes of hatred.

Escorted home by the kind minions.
I was given clothes of a striking red,
and shown to my new, still stinking, dwellings.

I sit and wait,
wait for reality to saturate.
The minion closes the door on me,
the door stronger than hope.
The door without a handle.

honesty

is the least flattering
form of imitation

to an existence
that is everything

but true

The Heavenly Needle..


A heartwrenching and satanic violation to your one body!
An evil intruder on an endless mission of misery destruction and death!
Powerful and dominating, it strips you of yourself,
Burying your spirit...  and stealing your soul.
"Get me a spoon...... any cotton?
"Here hold this for me and pull it tight...  Tight damn it!"
Ssssss... Oooooohhh... Fuck yeah!
A demonic penetration feeds the ultimate relaxation!
Shh! You hear that? "They're coming!"
Oh you lost and disturbed child of darkness, they already came!
And here you sit, disturbingly comfortable...
Caged in self imprisonment.
Another scar, another search for the next fix.
The rest can wait...  Was that the baby? ...

The catholic church

The church sits quiet
And never says much
Untill the next lid is lifted
Or the next child gets touched
How can we go to mass
Knowing what they've done
Would it be the same
If the next boy
Was your son

!WOW!!!!!!!! ...

On a recent break up which I couldn't give a damn about now.
At the time of writing this,this poem was pure venting.
****

Doin' fine without you

"Somethings are bound to failure like a sinking stone" ,From my poem, If you were the last woman.


We went too far too fast, It couldn't last .
I had no experienced past  for me to use to judge where we were headed,
all of that didn't help when we faced what I had dreaded.

It's hard for me to know how to feel.
I accepted it early,knew this was for real,
I've mourned the loss of what was,
embraced the chance to form the future,
found the bitch in the girl that I once loved and
Yet still laugh at your all too human ways.

Some say they'd give it all to be together
and don't mean it.
Well I've lived the truth of that
and made sure you've seen it.

I never planned to leave my home like that
give up all I knew,
So you're acting like a cunt
when you put me down, after all I sacrificed for you.
It took me so long to get into a good college and I was making solid progress,
then all that shit kicked off and I came to stay,HAD HOPED it was for the best.
Theres an example of just one opportunity I could've had,
if things hadn't turned out so bad.

It's hard to go from being so close and give it all up
but life is change and so it's fucking fickle luck
and there is life after love.
But love sometimes it feels just like an endless ordeal
the turning of the wheel
you find yourself  in a shift from bliss,to hard to bear being alive loneliness.

This is hard on everyone as we both know,
I was defined by what I was to you and so I have to let the single person I am show.
It's awkward because they USED TO call themselves friends
now I view them through a different lens.

Once I said I couldn't live without you,
turns out that ain't true.
Look at me now,
I'm doin' just fine without you.

Before it hurt to be apart,
now you're the person FURTHEST from my heart.
We were young and so naive
I am not convinced by anyone who tells me why I shouldn't leave,
as soon as I can
and make my way back in Scotland.

I would've NEVER set eyes on this spot of the map
and ever since I came there's always been a gap
between where I am and where I feel at home.
You weren't even ever willing to compromise,
That's where I belong,where I'm from, those AREN'T easy cut ties.

Being here,I build my life  mostly around  the idea of  'us'
then when that crumbled all I'm left here  with is dust
So had to find out again who my friends were and who it was I could trust.
You've made me re-evaluate what it is that I want in life,
whether I really want the engagement, to be  married, to have a wife.
I live an uncertain future, I'm taking it slow and playing it by ear.
There's no rush for me,I'm willing to give opportunity to be convinced why I should still stay long term  here.

I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation,
I can see a light at the end of the tunnel
but don't know my destination.
Let me tell you I think I've learnt my lesson
a cautionary tale, of how to do things
of how fairy tale romances fail.

Whilst we're on the topic of endings
I seem to recall your fist striking
the side of my head repetitively
whilst I held you down.
All for another drink.
Another stupid drink.

The same drink that threw the glass
at the wall a few feet from your face.
The same drink that invited those words
to erupt.
That drink that stared in to the eyes
of onlookers and begged them to assault.
The drink that pushed you too far
a hundred times before.

The drink that must leave
before you do.

  THE   SWEETNESS  OF  MY  FAILURES
I  didn’t  know  that  it  was  sweet   to  fail
Because  it  hurt  me  a  lot  back  in  those  days
Every   single   second  I  spent  was  hell
Its   a  shock  that   this  pain  helped  me  to  raise.

Many  who   knew  me  had  to  laugh
That  I  wasn’t  capable   all  I  did   was  crap
No  one   believed  in  me  I  really  felt  hurt
I  was  left  with  only  big  dreams  I  had  to  lust.

My  stress   my pain  and  my  frustrations
Made  me  cry  in  pain   heading  to  a  place  of  no  direction
I  honestly  thought   I  didn’t  amount   to  any  victory  situation
All  that  time  I  didn’t  know  that  this  was  my  motivation.

I  had  the  best  because  of  my  sorrow
Shaped  by  failure  I  became  hard knock  when  I  was  solo
Every   minute  I  lived   I   dreamt  of  tomorrow
And  damn!  I  became  the  best  I  never  thought  of.

Its   a  big   lie   if  I  don’t  say  thank  u
My   problems   transformed  me   to  having  a  great  mood
Even  if  my  life isn’t   a  raised  good
I  know   exactly  what  to  do  to  get  through.