Make me laugh

This place has died .. I wanna laugh, I also wanna see what the new people are made of..

No rules really . I'm a rule braker, not maker!
If I laugh it's good **
If I pee my pants you win..
Just write a humor poem please. Seems like the place needs it
One week I'll tell you if I laughed or not.

A Priest and a Rabbi at a golf course...
Ugh, there's no such thing as a good joke anymore!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Gah! All these old jokes are getting old!
Blonde jokes were okay when they were around.
And dead babies need to just stay in the ground.
Puns and limericks only go so far.
Did you hear about the horse who walked into a bar?
Improv is risky, few get it right.
And racist jokes only end in a fight!
There seems to be no hope nowadays.
I guess humor in the world was just a phase.
But wait... there may be hope, just yet.
I stumbled across something on the internet...
People who do nothing but whine?
Don't they have better use of their time?
They're trying to act smart when they don't have a clue!
And yet they do nothing but argue with you?!
I found it! A place where hilarity exists!
All of this is amazing! How could it have been missed?!
I now have a place to go when I'm depressed!
Oh, what a glorious place the internet is!

The Only one to love

Walk with dear love of mine
Let us trot along the beach
Listen to the waves,
Make sense of this crazy world,
Maybe share a French kiss or two
You’re hair glistens in the moonlight, sweet angel
And all I can say is, “who’s a good little poochy, you are, yesss, you are”

Haha  owe wow those are good

A Bar Room Comedy  

Standing at the helm
of the Golden Lion's
dying realm
there's Brian the landlord
who looks on in dischord
he knows he's above this
with his girlfriend in his clutches
bar flying
is baloo with a scarf ,
crying and blue
he's always lying
about something new .

Lets not forget the colonel
at his reserved space ,
acting so formal
with a high blood pressure face .
looking like garfield the cat
with a  moustache and blinking  
donned with a tartan hat
on a marathon for drinking ..

He's always talking
of times gone by  
in the background squawking
the football is up high  
you can hear grown men bawling
over a game , as they cry
and a man by the name
of what we called Sly
he goes insane if you nudge him
passing by .

You can also hear Egor
with jokes we all abhore
that he keeps telling
with the scams he's selling
never sharing the pie
only he is smelling
life passes him by
in his double glazed
dwelling
his name erased ,
elbows ungrazed
and accounts swelling
unlike the social woods that he's shaved
and now felling .
He tells his joke
then takes a bow
revealing the back of his head
that looks like a brow  .

Then there's , Thomas the pervert
the half wit
in conflict
who sits in comfort ,
the effalump
who gets drunk  
he's always smoking
and wearing dense glasses
that cover greedy eyes
you'd love to give a good poking .
With plenty to spend
and no brain to comprehend
he has the audacity
to walk in society
unable to mend
what wasn't took lightly
as do-gooder's defend
this blob of unsightly .

There's Rolf the writer
the bearded high and mightier
the smug novel worded
paper back pioneer .

And Tony who does press-ups
pissed up and between hic-cups
he's fat
not muscley
a twat
and messed up mentally .

There's vampire Spock
who stands below the bin time clock
his money unearned
and eyes adhock
collar upturned
and coffin unlocked .

There's Jake the pub dog
and owner Mildred
who looks like a pond frog
thats been jilted .

Well these were the characters
of a local bar
I know you'll connect to this
from wherever you are .  

He followed her everywhere in the Library
She didn't say a word to him
Rather she concerntrated on the shelve
Looking keenly at the books in a row
But he wont let go
Wooing the woman in a whisper
And then in frustration she yelled at him
'Leave me alone!'
All eyes were on them
So in a bid to complicate the issue and avoid the shame he yelled back
'I'll not leave you until you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior!'

IT

It passed me quite fast
I was speeding to oh well
Hill saw cop and it

"Improper Head Etiqutte"
by:  Eric L. Boddie

Girl I need you to blow this job
Cum and slob on the stiff nob
Let me see how your tonsils tussle
Let your tongue wrestle my Love muscle
Get on your knees and get ready to choke
Girl I want to plant some seeds down your throat
Let's see if the head can find where your tongue begins
Don't you want to hear my balls ringing on your chin
Will you swallow without being a biter
If I bust in your mouth, your teeth will get whiter
From ass to mouth really ain't that sick
Or I could be disrespectful and say bitch suck this dick
ROTFLMMFAO....

ONE WEEK

Slamming Sara Saturday
Munching Maggie Monday
Tasting Traci Tuesday
Wanging Wanda Wednesday
Tickling Tammi Thursday
Fucking Freddie Friday
Seeing Specialist Saturday

Some interesting words here so far. suck my dick though? Lol

you are the 1 who said no rules....lmao

( if you are a democrat please excuse this..)

a news report comes on the radio.
the broadcasters calls for a heavy dangerous snow, and recommends that all republicans drive with their headlights on during the day and that democrats drive with their headlights off at night...

Again i feel like i need to apologize.. but its still very funny... >.<

ohhhkkkayyy... blondies... gotta love em..

a blonde suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. she storms into his appartment and sure enough she finds him in the arms of a redhead. she goes to pull the gun out of her purse but is so overcome by grief she puts it to her head. her boyfriend shouts "no babe! Dont do that!" and the blonde screams back "shut up, you're next!"

-enjoy-

goodest said:you are the 1 who said no rules....lmao

Lol very true .. It has flare and a big fu at the end

my zipper is stuck
this is quite funny
but certainly true
please don't repeat
what i'm telling you!

a few days ago
i went to the shops
to get some milk
and pork chops

stood and waited in line
at the meat section
she came and stood next to me
i had an instant erection

her skirt was so short
and her tits were so firm
but inside my pants
my cock started to squirm

she dropped her purse
in front of my feet
and pcking it up
my erect cock her eyes had to meet

such a naughty smile
she also winked at me
whispered in my ear
"when can you fuck me?"

i was certainly surprised
but this offer was so good
that i dropped all my groceries
fuck this who needs food?

i grabbed her hand so fast
and took her to the car
threw her in the back
and started licking on her star

she moaned and she groaned
as i massaged her clit
i took off my shirt
god damn jeans that no longer fit

i tried to pull down my zipper
and tried to pull down my pants
but nothing even budged
as she waited on knees and hands

my cock was bulging out
but i could not get him free
"what's this that your'e doing?"
"don't you want to fuck me?"

"of course i want to fuck you"
"look how hard i am"
"but these god damn jeans"
"won't let me be your man"

she pulled her panties up
and kissed me on my lips
"perhaps next time we'll finish"
buy jeans that fit your hips"

so that is my story
a silly sex affair
those jeans i cut and buried them
now only shorts i wear