What's life like as an addict?

life as an addict is bad you want to get away run far away but cant then whem you think you can quit you cant it all comes back the hurt the pain the feeling of dissappontment all you can think of is how to get out but when do you see all the faces of your loved ones and how you have hurt them then it sucks you back in and wont let go tilll it has your whole soul

RX For Disaster
"This will be the last time", I say every single day.
That "I'm done with all this bullshit", but things just never change.
I'm not proud of what I'm doing, I know it isn't right.
But try as I may, I can't seem to win the fight.

It's like you wake up in the morning and it's the first thing on your mind.
Is "Where can I get some pills, I really need a line".
When you can barely move and you'd rather stay asleep,
But you can't and you won't because you know you're in too deep.

Even if you have no money you will always find a way.
Just to get your fix any price you'll pay.
Because you can barely function and you know the pain will stay,
if you don't find just what you need to make it go away.

Then you finally find your pill and pull out your spoon and plate,
Your not even done crushing it yet you already feel great.
Just this one last time you think before you sniff it up.
But no sooner than it's up your nose you no longer give a fuck.

Suddenly all your troubles seem a million miles away,
you feel like a new person and everything is great.
Until your buzz wears off and you hate yourself again,
And you wonder if this vicious cycle ever has an end.

But you you know that tomorrow morning the first thing on your mind,
Will be "Where can I find some pills, I really need a line."
And then once again you'll swear that it is the last time,
You see, you really wanna let the drugs go but they're holding on to tight.

The flame dances before my eyes
Flickers, and my heart starts to rise
Doubt starts talking, My mind says no
But the lighter in my hand wont stop screaming go.
The first is the worst, yet..
It feels so right
I don't know where this is heading tonight
Then the 2nd & 3rd, it's become a game
The urge to keep going just cant be tamed
Then there's the breaking point, do I wanna continue?
It calls to me, and then I don't know what to do
I give it a rest, yet I know in my heart
From now I'm the addict,
And this was just the start.

My life, I wouldn't suggest.
My life, I think you would protest.
If you had to be in my shoes,
I'm pretty sure the stress, and drama would kill you.
That's my daily life to be fair.
And honestly, I don't usually care.
If they talk about me, they watch their back.
'Cause if I find out, their eye will be black.
But when they talk about my friends,
In a bad way,
They crossed the line and now the place is stranded,
I yell, they run, I run faster, day by day.

V

I'm so tired i can't breathe.    
Loud knocking, itching, pissing    
on the doors of my memories.    
Repetitive. Unchanging.    
What do you want?    
Well?    
 
Not today, son. Not today.  
 
I embrace the little white dream,    
and wait for the chemical calm    
to warm these homeless    
and collapsing veins.    
Silence. Sinking. Ceiling.    
 
Jagged peaks. Mould.    
The corners unfolded    
with uncertain parallel.    
Flickering between those    
millimetres of indifference.    
Come on, let us fix the edges.    

Not today, kid. Not now.    
 
Each day plays out the same scene,    
and i'm so lonely.    
You fuckers still can't leave.    
Eyes glazing.    
Fingers uncurling in the fabric.    
Velveteen.    
Picking at my nails    
with fibrous dysfunction.    
 
Let me love you, son.  
 
There is a deep buzz in my blood.    
A dirty bass pounding,    
beating out a rhythm    
that echoes in my wrists.    
Skin electric. Eyes unswitched.    
Neurotic lullabies.    
 
Lungs.    
 
Calm.  

That's pretty fkn good stuff Miss_S

I very well may pass two thirds of the way through the great American novel...

 or at least through a bottle of its whiskey.

I may pass in a cold forgotten temple of of a misguided monk

    by mistaking the dosage or the registry.

My head might very well lie chilled and dormant in an abandoned row house-

       but i will still smell the roses i ran too,

          yet was too afraid to care for.

I will know somewhere between the lack of tears

and the knowledge of their absence,

  That i saw and stood guard over that single unsaid flame

          for at least a second

   (regardless if it was under the cookers of a terracotta army).

Ive seen a thousand epiphanies scribbled on the walls of shooting galleries,

without a single witness sober enough to report them.

Ive seen every contradiction and quandary quelled...

    dissolved on the its over end of the plunger,

     and have awoken to the discovery of every sickness.

Ive wagered the wellness of the world,   on an instant

      and won- but have found over and over

         that the dividends of tomorrow tare no wait

               towards the scale of justice.

Ive masked the winner and loser in deceit and humility,

and asked nothing more than for this moments edge to score a final cut.

Ive traded those moments warmth for pen and pad-

   feeding on the refuse of Camelot-

     while plotting the coordinates of the great escape.

BUT all that for another,I'm sorry dear,

      and sentiments to sad and true for a dry drunk to soggy to convey...

T H E S E exact letters are the bedding

      for a sleeping validation.

and compose the architecture for a fallen-

  structure still singing sonnets to the sturdy

lepperochan said:That's pretty fkn good stuff Miss_S

Thank you

Life as an addict is...

Much, the same,
Different story,
The usual pain.

Causing the blame,
Chasing the glory,
Nothing to gain.

Playing the game,
Thieving the poorly,
Abusing the sain.

Etc, Etc, Etc...

Am i allowed to post a poem I've already written about addiction?

Nvm..I don't even want to submit that...Be back soon

Final Fantasy IX - Memories of that Day

My addiction takes grasp of judgement
Always acting in the now, and feeling guilty for it later
Stealing from the ones I love,
Forgiving those, the ones I should hate
To use, to live, I only mean to survive, but they not understand
Like a tunnel train without its headlights, I never even saw this coming
Withdrawals were just a myth, but now arise
Perpetually, every sunrise,
Depressing how I went from work and school
To barricading bathrooms, scraping off the residue
Colorblind, too ashamed to face myself
My morals, time ago, slipped into the shadows,
Afflicted by everything I can only blame myself for.
God's time to turn his back was way past overdue
How do you save yourself,
From yourself?

Keeping it clean

Im trying to hold it in long enough to get to tonigh
to make is through two and a half more hours of this talking
the same drowning voice i deal with ever day 5 times a week
trying to sit still and keep my eyes on him and not the clock
to just make it through two hours is a killing
hurting and making me twitch
ticking the clock goes, tick tick tick
toc toc toc is all i hear
its calling to me where I sit
I don't know how much longer i can sit here and listen to his drowning voice and deal with the questions
is it worth it to leave now?
i'm sick maybe,
that would be a well used on this year
this year i had already missed too much from being sick
the seconds pass and class is finally over
i move from my seat with an impatience that people notice
like i am really sick
going for a toilet
my body convulses as i take that first drag in my car
illegal it is,
but i needed it
my body relaxes as i start the car
i have to get home and im safe
no one can touch me there
the dragging tension of a rive home with a tok sitting there
my best friend mary is crying for me to drag on her
to  breath her in
screaming at me to stop and let her out and free.
just five more minutes...

"A Fistfull Of Hell"


You constantly yell and yurn for relief

agony mounts in the skin underneath

Awaiting a day when the fate of it takes

Away all the pain and leaves nothing but hate



Hate for yourself

Hate for your cause

Misery everywhere

Heeding the call

The Trauma, The grief

The twisted belief

That life can’t go on

Without my defeat



Battalions grow restless and weary and worn

Humanity scattered and shredded and torn

The enemy pounds once again at the gates

It grows stronger with each of the lengthening days



You’ve beaten them back

Again and again

Successful each time

But you never win

A suffering ache

A blow to the shin

Knees to your back

With a slice to the chin



You fight it with honor day after day

Down on your knees you fall anyway

Each time you think the battle is won

A fistful of hell awaits you beyond(at dawn[/b][/left][/left][/center])

nothing

you are crying
hair clenched in your fists
body seizing in great big sobs
and I watch you clinically
you are a show.. a 30 minute distraction
soon you will fade away
and I will still need
I wish I felt something about you
I feel nothing

screaming in my face,
but to me, you are still a tv show
an actor reading rote
just another rerun
because everything you are saying
is something I've heard before
and I hear nothing

my hands shake
I just want to sink my nails around your neck- I want blood to leak down your chest, your eyes to roll back.. I'll sink my teeth in and really tear through you... oh, god.. I need. and you are asking me
begging me
"TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!!!"
I stare at you blankly
look down at my hands
I have nothing.