Worst feeling

For those of you who find their selves here again.

With loneliness comes an
unconscious sense of
existence way further
than the grip of reality.

To which I've come to know
so well that I discover each
moment with an unacknowledged
sense of confusion and disarray.  

And now that each individual
second fuses into one gigantic
simultaneously moving current,
which flows endlessly with ignorance.

I find my mind, yet again stolen
from the confines of a hollow brain.
To which I sat in waiting, rendering no questions
except "How did I end up here again?"

you laid with your
cheap 'Daniels bottle
and the sleepy look
in the eyes
a beating heart away
from fear

i keep my eyes on the screen
oh a sponge and a pineapple will not eat me
alive
and can you see the way
i love you
in the way i shake the way i am terrified

of you
please dont do this
blackmail is not the answer
could you not wait for me
but no
you force lips where lips would not be
and force your gun up and shoot it at my inner thigh
at my second lips

i didnt want a kiss that broke
eyes on the screen
oh a sponge and a pineapple will not break me
away
and can you not see the way i loved you
yet now i know to be terrified

what good is it now
my faith
my innocence
wiped like the blackboard
when i was told to stand
in second year
and write hospital
in my lovely calligraphy
Nanny taught me young

yet whats all that matter now
ill never give it away when im wed
its gone
so go on
sweet people
take a piece
lovers women brothers friends bend the trends
whats it matter now
tainted
uncompensated
with the breaking of a hymen
comes the breaking of my humanity
ive never known what to be since

all i know is
a sponge and a pineapple will never eat me alive
a sponge and a pineapple will never break me away
a sponge and a pineapple will never remove
the way it felt
having something stronger than me
take everything i ever had to give

We tries to erase pain
memories fade into oblivion

An invisible force sweeps
entire portions of brain
Cauterize curing dissolving

Pitiful lobotomy of time that rolls
time heals, almost always
almost always ...

I roamed for a long time
in confusion and alienation
decomposed with feelings
about her suicide

Giddy with view of death
claustrophobic oppression
in a closed room, without air

The darkness hurt and torn
by thin shafts of light
from cracks in the shutters

the white skin of her breasts
now still and cold
a rill of blood beside those lips
I kissed so much

No, I did not remember the pain
sorrow so close to insanity
time of bitter tears
swallowed by a black hole of suffering

Behold, all it was stolen
even the agony of pain
I'm not allowed to keep

There remained only lifeless body
poignant image of those who loved

Everything seemed so precarious and futile
only certainties: death and grief
only buried dead know the reason

The illusion of a warm light
and then the night falls
"Everything is sorrow."

i put a mask on all day. hide my feelings until I get home. I have too many people living inside of me.

erlac: my main man. the one who wants anything and everything in my life to be bad. he's angry at life and when he gets pissed there's no stopping him he's a beast and he'll take the punches and punch harder he listens to scream and dowdy care what anyone thinks about him and he just says fuck em all.

larec: the lover. a hopeless romantic that gets attached to anyone who will give him love.  if some one gives him a compliment or fliers with him that's the person he wants to marry. vulnerable some people call him, mostly his ex who doesn't want a part of the life of him.. or anypart of him. he gets sad alot of no one talks to him or is mean.

arcel: the whore. she will get in anyone's pants and is larecs best friend. they talk about everyone they think is cute and everyone who is hot. arced likes to play it naughty and likes to make out with anyone. she's desperate I would say. enough to kiss her best friends boyfriend. but she can't help it he's just hot and irresistible. and she knows it and flaunts it. show what you got she would put it.

clare: the one who has all 3 living inside her and tries to hide it off with a smile and a giggle and a good style. when she gets home she drowns her sorrows in pills and is anerexic. she cries herself to sleep and wonders why no one loved her and why she gets pissed in 2 seconds. she blames everyone around her and can't take life anymore. maybe they want her dead. because that's what she wants.

WHY THIS COMPETITION HAS NOT BEEN JUDGED?

Oh my not again