Poem of the Month - November 2024

That winter was such a captivating cold.
Behold the blankness of the world.
The weight of peace
silently thrashes and swirls.
My heart sheds it's stone.
After an eternity of being alone.

Stark white globs of snow.
Form an amazing assault
on flaunting trees below.

A treacherous path faces my determination.
A mix of frenzied fear and energized elation.
What lies ahead is caressed by clouds.
Softer become my raging doubts.

The right path is often the hardest.
A test.
And with grace and growth we are blessed.

I begged the silence,
after you hung up,
to hear it again
that wavering whisper:
My love…

I needed you to say it
like you meant it,
when we’d meet
with no radio waves in between us,
so I’d know it wasn’t a dream.

I needed you to speak the things
you only dared to think
when we were apart,
as the far distance stretched,
isolating us
more than we already were
with those silent words
and cold hugs
of yours.

I needed you to know
that I yearned for things
you never gave.

The mornings are easier
A few moments of fantasy
before I encounter isness
and tear myself from bed

I'm still not living there
if you care
I wasn't able to do the work
not as I imagined, so more time
but you don't care
The value has increased significantly
and I thought we'd share

Such simplicity spilling
saline sadness of no catharsis
I'm wreckless now
And I wish you would temper me

It's night that bores holes in my brain
Such strain and pain, there's no one
here to say goodnight to

10. The piece you had of me.

I break the words
that fell from your mouth
into shapes, disjoint
every sound, every bend
into phonemes,
then into letters
sat on white page,
stretched into boxes,
don't seek
similarities between code and you,
how I tried
so long
to wrap my mind around
what and when and how and why,
that time
you didn't look me in the eyes,
that time you filmed the way I looked when trapped,
lapped at every second, every millisecond of it.
I don't try to understand now,
want a little kindness
for as long as I'm around,
a wall built around my soul
to keep you out -
Forgiveness is such a simple blessing,
I forgave you then,
and now too.
The spirit doesn't sit in distress anymore,
for I
don't need to understand why
nor how nor when nor what,
I need to know it won't happen again,
to gently and quietly set us both free.

We need to talk
 
Why do I feel my chest tighten or, like every nerve ending is firing at once  
 
We need to talk
 
Nothing ever goes well with those types of words
 
I know what I told you
 
 I should stop this. I know exactly where it's going, and my heart is slowly ripping apart.  
 
I told you everything was over with me and her, but I also told you I would try to make it work.
 
 Why is he still talking? I got it. I'm gone  
 
I would like if we could still be friends
 
 He would like it if we could still be friends. Were we ever really friends to begin with? Now he's looking away because I can't look away
 
 He walks me down the hall as if I was being walked to the chair  
 
I just thought it would be best that I told you in person and not over the phone
 
 He's still talking, and I'm dying  
 
Do you understand where I'm coming from? You would do the same, wouldn't you? If you had a chance to.
 
  What? If I had a chance to do it? He was my chance. Does he not see that?
 
I don't know why I'm trying, but I know it's not going to work. Maybe if you just wait
 
Now he wants me to wait. What? I'm already dead. There are only so many times when you have this kind of talk in a person's life.  
 
He must think I'm strong because I don't cry. He doesn't understand corpses have no tears. All he did was put the nail in the coffin and help them put me in the ground as we talked.