Why do Women Wait to Report Sexual Assault & Rape?
I wasn't sure where to put this, I searched for pages in the forum threads, but nothing seemed to match it. The question was posed in the political thread and I don't feel it belongs there.
Mods, since this is about a sensitive topic that may be a trigger warning to many, feel free to put an adult warning on this thread.
Mysterious Lady: Have you ever been assaulted, or anything close to it? If so, you wouldnt wait 23 years to say so. Not in real, regular middle class life you wouldn't. And if you have, lets talk about it....
Actually, some do and it's very sad. I volunteered at a local domestic violence shelter for over a decade and one of my professional photography exhibitions featured the victims of assault, many of which never came forth until decades later. Especially if the perpetrator was a very high-profile person.
Aspire Counseling has an article that answers your very question much better than I could: https://aspirecounselingmo.com/blog/women-wait-report-sexual-assault-rape#:~:text=Often%20the%20victim%20believes%20the,to%20forget%20it%20ever%20happened.
It's very sad but it happens, and it happens much more than you or I know, and it's happened for centuries, particularly when women were chattel to be owned and treated as a man liked.
My personal opinion is that the woman is often blamed for what she was wearing, was she drinking, doing drugs, what did SHE do to provoke the man? Defense attorneys tear an assault victim apart on the stands - and I know you're surely aware of that.
Do some women lie? Yes. Absolutely. However, regardless of whether they lie or not, they will always be blamed and shamed in some manner for being a victim.
Because I'm not there - when women do have the courage to come forward, I trust the jury's judgement.
Mods, since this is about a sensitive topic that may be a trigger warning to many, feel free to put an adult warning on this thread.
Mysterious Lady: Have you ever been assaulted, or anything close to it? If so, you wouldnt wait 23 years to say so. Not in real, regular middle class life you wouldn't. And if you have, lets talk about it....
Actually, some do and it's very sad. I volunteered at a local domestic violence shelter for over a decade and one of my professional photography exhibitions featured the victims of assault, many of which never came forth until decades later. Especially if the perpetrator was a very high-profile person.
Aspire Counseling has an article that answers your very question much better than I could: https://aspirecounselingmo.com/blog/women-wait-report-sexual-assault-rape#:~:text=Often%20the%20victim%20believes%20the,to%20forget%20it%20ever%20happened.
It's very sad but it happens, and it happens much more than you or I know, and it's happened for centuries, particularly when women were chattel to be owned and treated as a man liked.
My personal opinion is that the woman is often blamed for what she was wearing, was she drinking, doing drugs, what did SHE do to provoke the man? Defense attorneys tear an assault victim apart on the stands - and I know you're surely aware of that.
Do some women lie? Yes. Absolutely. However, regardless of whether they lie or not, they will always be blamed and shamed in some manner for being a victim.
Because I'm not there - when women do have the courage to come forward, I trust the jury's judgement.
Are you serious? You need help.
Mods where are you? This is an attack on me.
She created a thread from a comment....really? Seems this person isnt stable and cannot even discuss within her own other thread what has been questioned, asked to be discussed.
Shameful.
Mods where are you? This is an attack on me.
She created a thread from a comment....really? Seems this person isnt stable and cannot even discuss within her own other thread what has been questioned, asked to be discussed.
Shameful.
Well I feel you are trying to attack me as an individual, and bring attention to yourself due to you may not be relevant in certain threads because you are a name caller and disrespectful. Ive read your threads. No wonder you had to make a new one. That actually made me laugh. You cant handle people questioning you. Grow up. Or should I say, if you cant stand the heat, get your ass out the kitchen?
So i guess I go there, for entertainment purposes only, mind you. If you have a mind. Bring it on. Yes, it reads in my most famous cheerleader and Trump~worthy voice ever. Ready? OK! With pom poms.
Or are you too busy copying and pasting some more bullshit?
So i guess I go there, for entertainment purposes only, mind you. If you have a mind. Bring it on. Yes, it reads in my most famous cheerleader and Trump~worthy voice ever. Ready? OK! With pom poms.
Or are you too busy copying and pasting some more bullshit?
Regardless of political view (I’m registered as a third party, I fucking loathe both of them) the question is valid.
Because we live in a system built to support men.
I do feel like proof should exist for a conviction for any crime - I worked in news most of my life and we suck as a social endeavor because we dox and bully and create guilty parties without due process.
But.
Shame. Fear. The absolute knowledge that society holds your vagina as a sacred thing that it can control and the fact that you were filthy enough to have lost control, means you are now Other.
To be Other is the fate of every outcast in every tragic story.
People talk about you “you know she was raped”
It becomes your identity “she’s so brave!”
People don’t believe you “she’s a whore anyway, I bet she’s just pissed he’s with that new girl”
Maintaining some sense of self has a value to a victim. Not becoming an omnipresent reminder that all you are now is what happened to you.
And all of it?
To support a male system
ftp
Because we live in a system built to support men.
I do feel like proof should exist for a conviction for any crime - I worked in news most of my life and we suck as a social endeavor because we dox and bully and create guilty parties without due process.
But.
Shame. Fear. The absolute knowledge that society holds your vagina as a sacred thing that it can control and the fact that you were filthy enough to have lost control, means you are now Other.
To be Other is the fate of every outcast in every tragic story.
People talk about you “you know she was raped”
It becomes your identity “she’s so brave!”
People don’t believe you “she’s a whore anyway, I bet she’s just pissed he’s with that new girl”
Maintaining some sense of self has a value to a victim. Not becoming an omnipresent reminder that all you are now is what happened to you.
And all of it?
To support a male system
ftp
Betty said:Regardless of political view (I’m registered as a third party, I fucking loathe both of them) the question is valid.
Because we live in a system built to support men.
I do feel like proof should exist for a conviction for any crime - I worked in news most of my life and we suck as a social endeavor because we dox and bully and create guilty parties without due process.
But.
Shame. Fear. The absolute knowledge that society holds your vagina as a sacred thing that it can control and the fact that you were filthy enough to have lost control, means you are now Other.
To be Other is the fate of every outcast in every tragic storyz
People talk about you “you know she was raped”
It becomes your identity “she’s so brave!”
People don’t believe you “she’s a whore anyway, I bet she’s just pissed he’s with that new girl”
Maintaining some sense of self has a value to a victim. Not becoming an omnipresent reminder that all you are now is what happened.
And all of it?
To support a male statement.
ftp
All of this being said, why attack me starting a new thread about this? This could have been discussed in her original thread. Isnt thayt what these threads are for?
Not only that, but Ive been the victim. So, her thread here, doesnt intimidate me.
Because we live in a system built to support men.
I do feel like proof should exist for a conviction for any crime - I worked in news most of my life and we suck as a social endeavor because we dox and bully and create guilty parties without due process.
But.
Shame. Fear. The absolute knowledge that society holds your vagina as a sacred thing that it can control and the fact that you were filthy enough to have lost control, means you are now Other.
To be Other is the fate of every outcast in every tragic storyz
People talk about you “you know she was raped”
It becomes your identity “she’s so brave!”
People don’t believe you “she’s a whore anyway, I bet she’s just pissed he’s with that new girl”
Maintaining some sense of self has a value to a victim. Not becoming an omnipresent reminder that all you are now is what happened.
And all of it?
To support a male statement.
ftp
All of this being said, why attack me starting a new thread about this? This could have been discussed in her original thread. Isnt thayt what these threads are for?
Not only that, but Ive been the victim. So, her thread here, doesnt intimidate me.
mysteriouslady said:
All of this being said, why attack me starting a new thread about this? This could have been discussed in her original thread. Isnt thayt what these threads are for?
Not only that, but Ive been the victim. So, her thread here, doesnt intimidate me.
I’m not attacking anyone.
(If I was, the whole world would know.)
I’m just answering the question.
The original poster gave their rationale. You rebutted and disagreed.
I just answered the question here. I have no idea what was in the other threads .I don’t go in political threads on a poetry website. It’s not what I’m here for.
But I will go in to a thread about sexual assault. That’s what this is to the general public.
All of this being said, why attack me starting a new thread about this? This could have been discussed in her original thread. Isnt thayt what these threads are for?
Not only that, but Ive been the victim. So, her thread here, doesnt intimidate me.
I’m not attacking anyone.
(If I was, the whole world would know.)
I’m just answering the question.
The original poster gave their rationale. You rebutted and disagreed.
I just answered the question here. I have no idea what was in the other threads .I don’t go in political threads on a poetry website. It’s not what I’m here for.
But I will go in to a thread about sexual assault. That’s what this is to the general public.
Betty said:
I’m not attacking anyone.
(If I was, the whole world would know.)
I’m just answering the question.
The original poster gave their rationale. You rebutted and disagreed.
I just answered the question here. I have no idea what was in the other threads .I don’t go in political threads on a poetry website. It’s not what I’m here for.
But I will go in to a thread about sexual assault. That’s what this is to the general public.
I know you arent attacking anyone, the thread creator is though. This could have been handled in her other original thread where it took place.
Im not getting in to my personal biz, but I am a surviving victim. All she wants to do is make ONE man look bad. Its got nothing to do with anyone here being a victim. Nothing. She doesnt care about the victim. Just that man that was involved was Trump. Thats insanity and totally uncalled for. If she wants to talk sexual assault, we can do that, but dont single out one man.
What about that perv from That 70s show, why doesnt she copy and paste about his sexual assault verdict? Or Whinestein, or how ever you spell his name or anyone other perv thats wealthy and in the limelight? What about Ghilaine? Epstein? Hell, Clintons?
The list goes on and on...
Thats my point. Dont attack me for some bullshit and call only one person guilty and you dont even have the basic facts.
This argument will never end with the rich and famous. Just do not attack me.
I’m not attacking anyone.
(If I was, the whole world would know.)
I’m just answering the question.
The original poster gave their rationale. You rebutted and disagreed.
I just answered the question here. I have no idea what was in the other threads .I don’t go in political threads on a poetry website. It’s not what I’m here for.
But I will go in to a thread about sexual assault. That’s what this is to the general public.
I know you arent attacking anyone, the thread creator is though. This could have been handled in her other original thread where it took place.
Im not getting in to my personal biz, but I am a surviving victim. All she wants to do is make ONE man look bad. Its got nothing to do with anyone here being a victim. Nothing. She doesnt care about the victim. Just that man that was involved was Trump. Thats insanity and totally uncalled for. If she wants to talk sexual assault, we can do that, but dont single out one man.
What about that perv from That 70s show, why doesnt she copy and paste about his sexual assault verdict? Or Whinestein, or how ever you spell his name or anyone other perv thats wealthy and in the limelight? What about Ghilaine? Epstein? Hell, Clintons?
The list goes on and on...
Thats my point. Dont attack me for some bullshit and call only one person guilty and you dont even have the basic facts.
This argument will never end with the rich and famous. Just do not attack me.
Betty said:Regardless of political view (I’m registered as a third party, I fucking loathe both of them) the question is valid.
Because we live in a system built to support men.
Exactly. The patriarchy.
I do feel like proof should exist for a conviction for any crime - I worked in news most of my life and we suck as a social endeavor because we dox and bully and create guilty parties without due process.
I was a paralegal for 15 years before I became an entrepreneur so have a pretty good grasp of how the court system works and doesn't work.
But.
Shame. Fear. The absolute knowledge that society holds your vagina as a sacred thing that it can control and the fact that you were filthy enough to have lost control, means you are now Other.
To be Other is the fate of every outcast in every tragic story.
People talk about you “you know she was raped”
It becomes your identity “she’s so brave!”
People don’t believe you “she’s a whore anyway, I bet she’s just pissed he’s with that new girl”
Maintaining some sense of self has a value to a victim. Not becoming an omnipresent reminder that all you are now is what happened to you.
And all of it?
To support a male system
ftp
Yes. There are so many reasons women ( and girls ) wait or don't ever report sexual assault. And everyone of them are valid.
I am a survivor and had my own reasons for remaining silent for decades. And then I wasn't.
Because we live in a system built to support men.
Exactly. The patriarchy.
I do feel like proof should exist for a conviction for any crime - I worked in news most of my life and we suck as a social endeavor because we dox and bully and create guilty parties without due process.
I was a paralegal for 15 years before I became an entrepreneur so have a pretty good grasp of how the court system works and doesn't work.
But.
Shame. Fear. The absolute knowledge that society holds your vagina as a sacred thing that it can control and the fact that you were filthy enough to have lost control, means you are now Other.
To be Other is the fate of every outcast in every tragic story.
People talk about you “you know she was raped”
It becomes your identity “she’s so brave!”
People don’t believe you “she’s a whore anyway, I bet she’s just pissed he’s with that new girl”
Maintaining some sense of self has a value to a victim. Not becoming an omnipresent reminder that all you are now is what happened to you.
And all of it?
To support a male system
ftp
Yes. There are so many reasons women ( and girls ) wait or don't ever report sexual assault. And everyone of them are valid.
I am a survivor and had my own reasons for remaining silent for decades. And then I wasn't.
mysteriouslady said:Are you serious? You need help.
Mods where are you? This is an attack on me.
She created a thread from a comment....really? Seems this person isnt stable and cannot even discuss within her own other thread what has been questioned, asked to be discussed.
Shameful.
Lady, you started something on a different thread, your question(s) were put here so they could be properly discussed. It's an interesting topic
I know two males: one was in his teens and reported his rape within days, went through all the proper channels and the director of Public procecutions wouldn't try the rapist.
and another who was less than 6 years old and while he had told a few close friends (some 15 years after the fact) he will not report it because of shame
A good friend of mine, female reported her rape(s) to the police some 15 years later, went to court relived all the horror in front of her parents and the jury found the guy not guilty
I remember talking to her father when the verdict was given. He was inconsolable.
After some goading by the rapist's relations in the father's local pup. He drove home, got his shotgun and shot the cnut twice in the chest at point blank
as for the question. I dunno, perhaps the stigma and shame, perhaps victims might feel they somehow invited it. there are may psychological effects on a victim. perhaps it takes time to overcome all of that
It does conpound the process somewhat if there is no evidence, so one would hope legislation is introduced whereby a victim is at least required to go to hospital and secure the evidence even if thr crime is reported until years later
I do think there should be the same threat of sentence for anyone who cries rape nephariously.
Anyhow, am interested to hear how you feel about it, given it was your words which created this tread in a roundabout way
Mods where are you? This is an attack on me.
She created a thread from a comment....really? Seems this person isnt stable and cannot even discuss within her own other thread what has been questioned, asked to be discussed.
Shameful.
Lady, you started something on a different thread, your question(s) were put here so they could be properly discussed. It's an interesting topic
I know two males: one was in his teens and reported his rape within days, went through all the proper channels and the director of Public procecutions wouldn't try the rapist.
and another who was less than 6 years old and while he had told a few close friends (some 15 years after the fact) he will not report it because of shame
A good friend of mine, female reported her rape(s) to the police some 15 years later, went to court relived all the horror in front of her parents and the jury found the guy not guilty
I remember talking to her father when the verdict was given. He was inconsolable.
After some goading by the rapist's relations in the father's local pup. He drove home, got his shotgun and shot the cnut twice in the chest at point blank
as for the question. I dunno, perhaps the stigma and shame, perhaps victims might feel they somehow invited it. there are may psychological effects on a victim. perhaps it takes time to overcome all of that
It does conpound the process somewhat if there is no evidence, so one would hope legislation is introduced whereby a victim is at least required to go to hospital and secure the evidence even if thr crime is reported until years later
I do think there should be the same threat of sentence for anyone who cries rape nephariously.
Anyhow, am interested to hear how you feel about it, given it was your words which created this tread in a roundabout way
Mr. Lepp,
"In a roundabout way"?
Then in a roundabout way, might I be allowed to ask how Mysterious Lady is able to reconcile her own experience as a "surviving victim", with the former president's established court record as a sex offender?
Some elaboration about that incongruity is in order here.
How might it be at all possible that the topics are psychologically unrelatable?
With all due respect to Mysterious Lady, and her experience, why is ML so insistent that the matter be addressed in Ahavati's Indictment thread 4, rather than this one? And I will proceed to make that inquiry in spite of the moderator's conspiracy to hide any and all evidentiary comments in the deletion of the thread prior to that.
What are DUP moderator's trying to hide with their evidentiary deletions?
"Mods where are you? This is an attack on me." ...sure sounds like someone is crying witch-hunt, with a shameless appeal to the censors.
Are there some tax return data at stake?
"In a roundabout way"?
Then in a roundabout way, might I be allowed to ask how Mysterious Lady is able to reconcile her own experience as a "surviving victim", with the former president's established court record as a sex offender?
Some elaboration about that incongruity is in order here.
How might it be at all possible that the topics are psychologically unrelatable?
With all due respect to Mysterious Lady, and her experience, why is ML so insistent that the matter be addressed in Ahavati's Indictment thread 4, rather than this one? And I will proceed to make that inquiry in spite of the moderator's conspiracy to hide any and all evidentiary comments in the deletion of the thread prior to that.
What are DUP moderator's trying to hide with their evidentiary deletions?
"Mods where are you? This is an attack on me." ...sure sounds like someone is crying witch-hunt, with a shameless appeal to the censors.
Are there some tax return data at stake?
OH MY
BITCHING WHINING AND MOANING
NO TALKING ABOUT
THE BLOODY CORE
OF THE PROBLEM
MOST WOMEN HAVE BEEN ATTACKED
KNOW
IF THEY SPEAK OUT
AND GO TO COURT
HAVING TO SAY WHAT HAPPEND
IS A NIGHTMARE
THEY KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
THEY READ AND WATCHED WHAT HAPPENED
TO THOSE THAT CAME BEFORE THEM
BUT THEY HOPE
THIS TIME
THERE WILL BE
JUSTICE
BE IT A MAN WHO HAS BEEN RAPED
OR A WOMAN OR A BLOODY GOAT
THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM
IS SIMPLE
THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
HAS TO BE
UPGRADED
MODERNISED
THE I SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH
IS LAUGHABLE
ALL THIS CRAP
ABOUT THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
WOULD WORK
IF IT WASN'T MOSTLY MALE DOMINATED
YOU PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THAT
ARE MONKEY MINDED
NOT HUMAN MINDED
IT IS THE LIZARD MINDED
WHO RUN THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
MALE OR FEMALE
HAVE YOU EVER
ASKED YOUR SELF
THE QUESTION
WHY IS IT
THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
HAS NEVER BEEN
UPGRADED MODERNISED
HUMMMM
USE YOUR MIND
NOT YOUR BLOODY KNEE
BITCHING WHINING AND MOANING
NO TALKING ABOUT
THE BLOODY CORE
OF THE PROBLEM
MOST WOMEN HAVE BEEN ATTACKED
KNOW
IF THEY SPEAK OUT
AND GO TO COURT
HAVING TO SAY WHAT HAPPEND
IS A NIGHTMARE
THEY KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
THEY READ AND WATCHED WHAT HAPPENED
TO THOSE THAT CAME BEFORE THEM
BUT THEY HOPE
THIS TIME
THERE WILL BE
JUSTICE
BE IT A MAN WHO HAS BEEN RAPED
OR A WOMAN OR A BLOODY GOAT
THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM
IS SIMPLE
THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
HAS TO BE
UPGRADED
MODERNISED
THE I SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH
IS LAUGHABLE
ALL THIS CRAP
ABOUT THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
WOULD WORK
IF IT WASN'T MOSTLY MALE DOMINATED
YOU PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THAT
ARE MONKEY MINDED
NOT HUMAN MINDED
IT IS THE LIZARD MINDED
WHO RUN THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
MALE OR FEMALE
HAVE YOU EVER
ASKED YOUR SELF
THE QUESTION
WHY IS IT
THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
HAS NEVER BEEN
UPGRADED MODERNISED
HUMMMM
USE YOUR MIND
NOT YOUR BLOODY KNEE
Here are my "few cents" for this topic.
FIRSTLY,
A brief personal reaction on this topic or related to this topic. In the past I have been physically assaulted by a partner.
This does not relate to the topic of sexual assault though violence. I have both lived in a crisis center for short periods.
And did supportive work after my own experience with violence.
All I wish to say is, there CAN very well be a lot at stake for any woman (or any "one") who goes through assault. Be it physical sexual or digital. In my own case I reported the person twice. First time I reported them myself. Second time both I and the police themselves reported the person (the "assaulter" or violator").
Weather one goes through violence or abuse, often a lot is at stake, its like an ink stain, a partner might control finances, family members might be involved in the whole matter, children might be involved etc etc.
When I stayed in the crisis center I heard some stories that have made a deep impact on me.
I have now gone through many years of healing on the topic. I have written poems about this time yes and sometimes posted though there was little reply. I do not expect anyone to reply to anything I write and my way of writing is more metaphoric rather than confessional.
A WORD ON ANY ASSAULT
If you are seriously being assaulted be aware of the fact that YOU yourself has to make the move in reporting the person or persons. This isnt easy because you will be in the full light of the matter not just the spotlights. Sometimes your story WILL be heard and understood though at first it is very important to hear and understand ones own story.
A police enquiry can mean various interviews at a police station or else where, they can also visit your house incognito to interview others, your family members\spouce\children\neigbour etc. It usually takes a very long time before they will bring the matter further IF they decide to take the matter further.
In my case I was unlucky and lucky, The second event was much more serious. Pictures were taken of my face as evidence. A court case was held, a court case isnt nothing, it takes every inch of your energy and is really like being a punchbag for everyone. You see what they will try to see is "will you bend or break?" . IF however you decide to go through you might only gain from it.
THOUGH it is actually the assaulter who most often gets the most practical help. I got a sum of money and a mobile alarm for 2 years. My partner was sentenced but only shortly while the case files say that they (police and court) did consider this as a SERIOUSLY VIOLENT OFFENCE.
What it brought me is that eventually I was able to live the life I wanted to live. Though I would not want this on repeat because its like walking on coals. One learns to walk each fire and your soles get thicker. All in all it is an experience that alters most everything.
Thats all I wanted to add, much strength and blessings to All who endure these matters.
Rianne
