Demon inside

"The Loner"

To provide a means to the end:
twisted forms of satisfaction,
sadistic and cynical thoughts;
no end, though you can still pretend.

There will be no trends or
gossip among friends for
the one who chooses solace;
dark and callous innermost.

This world tells of how many things,
that prick and poke like a barbed thorn;
venomous as a deadly snake.
Succumb to this fate, then you’ll see.

Don’t say that it’s lonely,
I have myself you see
always for company;
If you don’t, I’m sorry.

I only choose to be alone,
because there are too many ass
holes where I might find myself prone;
so a loner I have become.

How else do exalted
ones make it from below,
twisted and cynical:
because they run the show.

"The Loner"


To provide a means to the end:
twisted forms of satisfaction,
sadistic and cynical thoughts;
no end, though you can still pretend.

There will be no trends or
gossip among friends for
the one who chooses solace;
dark and callous innermost.

This world tells of how many things,
that prick and poke like a barbed thorn;
venomous as a deadly snake.
Succumb to this fate, then you’ll see.

Don’t say that it’s lonely,
I have myself you see
always for company;
If you don’t, I’m sorry.

I only choose to be alone,
because there are too many ass
holes where I might find myself prone;
so a loner I have become.

How else do exalted
ones make it from below,
twisted and cynical:
because they run the show.

“Empathy”

A quite inspired relation to all those,
Quarrels, and qualms, I let go my foes
live and treat the others all unrealistically
Unreasonably, respectfully, eventually
This hurts me, try to stay humble, really.

Darkness has given me a crash course
In empathy, helped to see others remorse
This source, leaves me hoarse, subconsciously
Statistically, unbelievably, historically
It’s left me, sad in melancholy.

Empathy, a great burden left on me,
many times I wish I could be free
heavy things to carry, as I might
conceit, might (have) respite
May not be right, just grit teeth tight.

Here Comes Summer

a sunny day in Glasgow rarity really for sure
it signals to the locals time for sunbathing
it won't be around for long then back to rain
I cross the bridge to the park, a green space
It's the busiest I've ever seen it, an invasion
The green is hard to see because of gaudy colours
Men in pink shirts and yellow shorts bask like sharks
Everyone of them a sexual predator, I am disgusted
They drool as they start looking for young flesh
And there is plenty of that on show; Glasgow's finest
Who will give it up oh so cheaply after cheap wines
The sun splits the pavements, tarmac steams mist
That smells of burnt rubber and road killed humans
Such a delightful smell, it almost gives me wood
I scan the parks throng, seeing Glaswegians at play
Her summer top wilfully showing too much flesh
Look at her, breasts out suddenly it's a nudist park
Bikini bottoms and daisy dukes walk wiggling their asses,
Like fucked in the head cat walk models ready to blow
They wink and they slut smile but only at the men folk
I see them for what they are surely god can't be happy


All bright eyed and bushy tailed looking for nuts
They strut and pout like two dollar cheap hookers
I feel all their sinful imaginings I'm motivated by rage
The mean are sexual deviants from grey hair to no hair
They will fuck anyone with a pulse, possibly some without
The woman are no better; whores, Satan's filthy sluts
They peddle their wares; vaginas, Tits and damnation
They will all meet there demise and be sent to Hell
Some sooner than others but all must be punished
I talk to the Lord God Almighty and he is not happy
but still he allows them to strut around like whores
the male peacocks might as well expose themselves
The sun shines brightly but I only see the darkness
The darkness of sin and sexual depravity, it's ugly
It's time for God's servants to take appropriate action
The world now on its moral knees needs to be cleansed
I roam the park considering options that are available
Oh so many that need to hear his voice as I often do
They need salvation from their evil degrading ways
I get a tingle as I innocently watch and mingle
that's why I am roaming around and about

People relax with picnics of shop bought sandwiches
All washed down with alcho-pops and strong tonic wine
On a day like this they are all out and about; too busy
Single parents with prams and so many benefit cheats
People who are not sick phone their employers being sick
Old people avoid the park, drunk horny men spells trouble
There's the occasional fight breaking out: cock fighting
The sun starts to dip it's light wasted on the park scum
They start to evaporate, the crowd thins itself down
Not appreciating the exquisiteness of twilight time
This is my favourite time, most folks off to the bars
It all quietens down And God will show me a saveable soul
In the semi darkness of twilight it's time for his light to shine
As a servant of God I must obey his words and his choices

There she was a vision, such a pretty little thing
long blonde hair, stunning blue eyes, seems too pretty
to be a slut whore, but My Lord God makes no mistakes
He only works in mysterious ways to those that know him not
She's wearing a see through white top and a black bra
Not a good look unless you are a dirty, cheap prostitute
She's wearing denim shorts, rather frayed at the legs
I look more deeply I can see her panties, a white frill
She stands up to wave at someone: Ass cheeks on display
She sits down again, it is clear I must save her from sin
I walk slowly towards her hands firmly in my pockets
Getting much closer, I put on my latex gloves silently
Well I must, I don't want that filthy whores fluids on me
I am in touching distance, I gently touch her hair, I smile
She leans back and takes numerous selfies on her phone
What a vain little slut, but judgement has come for her

So much for a rare bright and sunny day in Glasgow
I move in quietly with arms and hands that try to hug
I have the power of Christ and a chloroform cloth
Struggling is short lived and as always futile; in the van
It's at time like these she'll wish I was just a rapist
and not Gods servant, a sinner killer and taker of souls
the torture will be long, bloody and brutal
if it's worth doing it's worth doing well
I will cleanse her in her own blood
Her salvation formed by her screams

The next time you decide to go to the park
On a sunny day in Glasgow I would give you some advice
Men; Put your cocks away, I do male sluts as well
Women : Dress appropriately no flesh on show
Let me hear an AMEN!

Razors In The Dark

Razors in the dark calling for me
Come to the dark where peace will be
Though I know the pain will ensue
I must not leave a clue
From the razors in the dark

Razors in the dark, my only friends
Even though I know how it all ends
Blades upon the flesh over scar
That is how they are
Those razors in the dark

Razors in the dark, I try to stay away
On my emotions they know how to play
I must give into there call
All I have after all
Are razors in the dark

Joni Mitchell in a dream
can't see her face
or any faces
none of them have faces

My recall is blackened,
move over demon
you're blocking my view,
run back to your hole
in hells river bank

I sank in sandy shores
where entities galore
had their way with me
in the steamy swamp scene
where real bogeymen sleep

arisen phoenix splashed
through flames acrid smoke
tumbling downhill
till spirits of time spoke

transformation at the brink
of deaths plague,
lifespan cut short
for filthy lucre's sport

let this be my last
incarnation to damnations
realm of ablations
and pharma's stranglehold
on population controls.

Lust and Lucifer
Lust restricted by the
Stunning stained glass windows
Sheilding the soul inside.
Lust remains impassioned
in the dark hushed.

Rebelliously it glows as if
Carnality itself is a fire
Pleasing and wild
A tenuously restrained ember

That tempered wild ember
Provoked a fire.
Burning the ropes confining it
Inside the careful boundaries.

The edges are smoldering
Smoke becoming lusts ink
As lust writes a love letter to
The dark prince.

Embers singeing holes into
Delicate carnality as the devil reacts
To lusts passionate love letter.
Lacing himself inside the embers a
As he fucks lust into a
deadly broken silence.

Such a charming deadly poison
Lust and the devil create.
A darkly beautiful insanity
Veiwed through the
Blackened stained glass windows
Concealing your battered soul.

"I wish I cried"

I am by far not the worst
I wish I was stronger than most
No matter my size I will still throw a hit
But no, not of confidence
But of a little trick
Deception is my main weapon
My favorite Store
Wide selection of Poisons
Yet few selection of Players
I befriend then I lie
And then I leave them all alone
Day to Day I trap my friends below
When encountered and interrogated
I tell them I had no choice
But really, I just want more to play with
If I can no longer be with you
Then you may as well be gone
Deception is not to be toyed with
Yet I can't help but decept
I'm called a Liar, Cheater, and even a Witch
(Despite my gender)
Despised by many
Loved once by all
Terrified to be encounter by the wary
And those big guys who want to hurt me
All because I hurt a "friend's" feelings?
They are just a game piece
That my pawn can easily take out
It's not my Queen you have to be worried of
It's my Rook and my lovely Horses
Pawns are there to throw you around
My bishop is to keep you in order
And my King?
He was killed a long time ago
All that remains is an army with no excuse to leave the board
Do you want to play?
If not, then throw down your piece
Still holding it I see.
Or is it because ... it's glued to your skin?
Oh well, I accept your challenge by default
Get ready
Here comes the Princess Piece

"Check Out"
 
Walked up to check-out,
thought twice, went back.
Said to self, “I’ll give me slack;”
today I will avoid that rout.
Keep my key, put here alright,
think I’ll Stay another night.

Back again, in the mourn,
right there at the granite;
reconsidered, I took for granted,
since my room so adorn;
I guess it came as no surprise,
not yet this journey’s demise.

All packed and ready to go,
I walked out to return my key;
same thought occurred to me,
think another night this key I’ll stow;
I’m free to leave when I may,
I think I’ll stay another day.

They're looking to hire someone

Always some company, a prestigious developer
Seeking talent, innovative gawkers
to work at their bright voluminous offices
Multitudes of illuminated dream wanderers
And I conspired to be one

This man
down out of his luck
once drafting his ambition
crafting universes
and sprawling worlds to inhabit
constructing unique visions of adventure
Though solemn, heart-wrenching, foreboding
something artful,
purposely divisive

spread across a digital canvas
multitudinous hours I was mentored
all amounting to a flaming pile of shit
shouldering the burden of an expansive price tag

Frustrated by pay through recognition
wounded by years, aiding the capitalistic circus
I am lost

despondent among the craters of Mars.
Forgetting what I truly seek.
Happiness is fleeting, hope has desecrated its meaning

They're looking to hire someone

But it's never me
And it may never be me

I've stood beside that road countless times
Watching as the death wagons stampede at ferocious speeds
Desperately seeking strength to step in the infernal highway

My disposition is too meek
My soul too fragile
        The torment in my mind

                                         I am too weak.

Why am I being made to believe that God is alive?
All different religions have been feeding me a lie
They say the path I walk is out of line
But if God said  they shouldn't judge, then who are they to tell me what's wrong or right
Why is it that I have to believe something I've never seen with my eyes
All I need is a simply sign
Maybe I might be convinced that you're alive
But you keep hiding behind heaven and put pastors and prophets on the firing line
It's funny they preach that you're the one that's kind
Darn it you keep taking away everyone that I love
Tell me why is it that your place in heaven has never been found
Maybe we're all lost, we have been reading this thing the other way around
Maybe we should be searching right here in the ground
Who knows maybe you're some guy in a disguise walking proud
If you happen to be found
Just know I'm hoping to meet you around
I don't buy the fact that you're everywhere and you live in heaven
I hope this a lie, it's not you who told them
Cause it's quite obvious that you don't live there
Maybe one day a miracle will happen
And I'll somehow be converted
But for now I'm not buying your story I still think you're a pervert
You left us here alone then you call yourself a parent
You deserve an Oscar, cause being fake is what you really good at
I did read the black book and it drove me mad
All along I thought you cared
You allow another man to die to another man hand
If this life was your drawing board, then you have a bad plan
You want all of us to die in the end
I once thought the government was bad
Until I discovered that Jacob Zuma and Donald Trump are some of your friends
It's hard to believe that even those who follow you won't be spared
I have a feeling your heaven is worse than hell
Im not ready to sing the entire eternity with everyone wearing rags
Not everyone will make it to your kingdom, then I think heaven is boring and sad
I think you're a spoiled rotten brat
You have an entire kingdom but still not willing to share
What if I decide to throw a party, most of my friends won't even be there
I still don't believe you'll live forever, I think you're already dead
If not then that's a heavy burden to bare
How long will you notice the ones you love dead
Please don't expect my prayer anytime soon
I figured you must be busy and have a lot to do
You have to much prayers you need to attend to
But I hope this letter does make it to you…
Ps poetOftragedy

In my head, I hear them
The scratching at my skull,
wanting out.
Wanting to be heard by the world.
I hear them constantly.
Screaming at me.
"mistake" "freak" "monster" "just kill yourself already".
It goes on and I don't tell anyone out of fear of being called crazy,
I already feel like I am and I CAN'T let it be true.
They never go away.
They have brought me to a point of constant hiding,
refusing meals,
neglecting hygiene,
refusal to speak,
introversy and fear.

A demon faced by many.
Depression.
It consumes me,
but the other demon, anxiety,
makes me afraid to ask for help.

So I hide as things continue to worsen for me.
At least I can't burden others if I am never around them.

Schizo-Paranoia: Living Hell

Black moving shadows paint my walls before my naked eyes
Before they take a fleshly form and spring forth to life
Invading my home, they creep about in the dark
As they signal they’ve found me with a light-signaling spark.
I am wide awake watching every move they make
Uttering not a single sound, I let them invade.
They want no money, they take no jewels...
For these are demons, goblins, and frightening ghouls
Rising from the pits of hell as phantoms
Who will settle not for any earthly ransom.
 
A body in which to invade is what they seek
To torture with fear and hear the shriek
Of the tortured soul who opened the door
And let them in, not knowing the scare-spree galore
They’d ever encounter for doing so..
 
I awake from slumber, wide awake in my bed
As Phantom voices sing now in my head
Lyrical tales rocking me to dread
As my brain is fast asleep,
My soul is cast into the deep
Though I feel I am wide awake in my own body.
 
Flawlessly orchestrating every move I make
Even silent thoughts I dare not utter they take
And orchestrate into a catchy song.
That makes everything look rather wrong.
My best friend looks like an enemy
My lover is said to hide against me his enmity
Paranoid and scared, I run away
Letting the phantoms have their way.
 
How can I not believe these voices playing in my head
When I cannot silence them, awake or in bed?
They rise from slumber with me
And hold my soul hostage; I am unfree

My friends and my lover going crazy looking for me
As the night catches me wherever I may be...
Sleeping on someone’s doorsteps or late at night in the park
The shadows I see at home scare me more than the life-threatening dark
The demons inside have convinced me anywhere is safer than at home
So, the city streets, like a lost traveler, I roam.
No friends to call, no loved one to trust
My life seems to completely bust.
 
By the time I’m found, I cannot tell how long I’ve been missing
And while my disappearance has had people praying and wishing
For my safety and return back to my normal life and self
The demonic choir leave reminding me I’m living my hell.
 
They’ll be back...
They always come back....
but are they EVER really gone
Or just silently composing a new song

They will be back...
They always come back.
But are they EVER really gone
Or have they just silenced their song?
Just laying there inside me to wait
Until they devise for me another bait?