Sedative

                     
come inside                      
& taste the grey it's flavored with me                    
we are one deep in the void                    
you can't tell us apart                    
its face masks mine                    
                     
refracted colors                    
reflecting various shades of desperation          
turn on the neon light of pain                    
it strobes despair                      
leaving me to question another day of it                    
until i can think of little else                    
                     
i murder guilt                    
within the addiction                    
that's hunting me                    
snuff out the last thought of regret                    
with a handful of sedatives                    
until all is quiet in my internal world                    
                     
& i'm that girl again                    
who can face herself                     
in the shattered mirror                    
knowing it reflects back what's actually there                    
                     
so many faces of me                    
fighting for dominance                    
i let innocence down                    
when i let the junkie out                      
                     
i lost myself somewhere in the darkness                    
my voice stilled                    
tears no longer graced cheeks so stoic                    
                     
my emotions froze                   
within an ache that haunts                      
& rips at my guts                    
eviscerating the humanity                    
still left inside me                    
                     
hope died                    
leaving me a widow                    
no longer a blushing bride                      
married to optimism                    
                     
i travel cautiously                      
through the badlands of existence                      
knowing it's a race                      
to see who gives up first                    
me or the life that's beating me                      
                     
                     
                     
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