deepundergroundpoetry.com
Beautiful Death ~ this isn’t poetry, its real shit…
….the tears were fighting to come out but I did my best to yield them….
16 hours earlier
She was smiling. Her weak voice was proclaiming her love for each of her children. One by one she kiss them….. Rubbed them…. Hug them, said her ‘I love you’s’, stating she would see them later tonight, then she trailed off to sleep; semi-unconscious, she’d been doing that all day long. This scene had become familiar, though this day she had many, many visitors. Her hospice room filled with maybe 20 family and friends. We all were there for the same reason; to say goodbye. I kissed her on the forehead and slowly tried to make my way out of the crowded room with her children, when I heard her soft voice break the thick and hollow air, “I love you auntee’ Tara”, she said. “Ya’ll take care of my babies.” I wanted to burst into tears, but I managed to swallow the lump in my throat and turn towards her, and flashed a smile, while blowing a kiss. “I love you too babygirl, and we will, I promise!” I walked out of her room, broken. The hallway filled with silent stragglers of about 10. Another 20 or so outside the cancer center, a few heads hung low, as if defeated. Others were smoking and pacing, while many stole hugs and kisses from the children. People seem to gravitate around the smaller versions of her. Their father, (my nephew) gently grabbed his babies and helped them into their car seats. He kissed them, and hug me, said he’d call me later. The ride back to their home was long. I don’t even remember how I got there.
I cooked, gave them baths, and then put them to bed; something I’d been doing frequently the past few months.
I curled up in the corner of the couch, legs folded underneath me and stared at…..nothing. The ringing of the phone interrupted the quietness. I didn’t answer it, I couldn’t answer it. I knew she was gone! The house started to suffocate me. I couldn’t cry! She was only 26. So young. Such a beautiful soul. She never complained. You never saw her depressed or sad. She was always smiling, always laughing. Even when she knew nothing else could be done for her, she was well with it all. Even when they gave her an expiration time, she continued to live as if forever was on her side. Even in her fragile and frail state, her attitude about life reflected the picture of perfect health. That’s the kind of beautiful soul she was. That’s the kind of soul I could only wish to be.
Later that night my nephew came home. His fiancée was gone. The only woman he had ever loved took her last breath. The mother of his three precious children wouldn’t be around to watch them grow into amazing adults. He walked in the room and I saw emptiness in his eyes. He was staring at the exact same thing I was staring at earlier,…..nothing. His voice was barely above a whisper when he finally spoke, “Her last expression was a smile, even till the very end, she smiled.” He flopped down on the couch next to me, laid his head on my shoulder and began sobbing. I never heard a man cry so violently before. I wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t say anything, he didn’t say anything….. We didn’t need to.
The next morning, the tears were fighting to come out but I did my best to yield them by blinking frantically…..
After sending the kids off to school, and making sure my nephew was ok, I headed home.
I found my husband waiting for me, he had took the day off, knowing I’d need him. He started to stand but I motion him to stay seated. I dropped my purse and keys on the floor, kicked off my shoes, folded my feet underneath me and laid my head in his lap. He stroked my hair and all at once…. I was sobbing. He didn’t say anything, I didn’t say anything…. We didn’t need to
Rain~
Note: ~ I wanted to share this with readers and hopefully someone will be inspired.
Cancer didn’t kill babygirl, it just took her body. Her free spirit towards life made the unthinkable, plausible. What many of us take for granted (Life), was taking from her with pre-warning. Yet she didn’t let cancer dictate her life. She smiled through despair and ignored her suffering, she controlled her joy, and held power over her own happiness. She ignored what she couldn’t change and celebrated what she could.
Her life and death has lit a light in me. She has inspired me! The insignificance of foolish shit that streams throughout our lives seem weak, with dull merit; compared to someone like her, that’s been given a death timeline. We should ignore what we can’t control like; the behavior of others and what people think of you, what they say about you, their actions towards you and their reactions because of you. Situations we can’t change, events we can’t stop, money we can’t grow, friendships beyond mending, relationships beyond repair, love we’ve lost, and on and on and on. ~
*Focus every single day on what makes you smile. You are the author of your joy. Don’t let Life’s ache rewrite your happiness…..*
16 hours earlier
She was smiling. Her weak voice was proclaiming her love for each of her children. One by one she kiss them….. Rubbed them…. Hug them, said her ‘I love you’s’, stating she would see them later tonight, then she trailed off to sleep; semi-unconscious, she’d been doing that all day long. This scene had become familiar, though this day she had many, many visitors. Her hospice room filled with maybe 20 family and friends. We all were there for the same reason; to say goodbye. I kissed her on the forehead and slowly tried to make my way out of the crowded room with her children, when I heard her soft voice break the thick and hollow air, “I love you auntee’ Tara”, she said. “Ya’ll take care of my babies.” I wanted to burst into tears, but I managed to swallow the lump in my throat and turn towards her, and flashed a smile, while blowing a kiss. “I love you too babygirl, and we will, I promise!” I walked out of her room, broken. The hallway filled with silent stragglers of about 10. Another 20 or so outside the cancer center, a few heads hung low, as if defeated. Others were smoking and pacing, while many stole hugs and kisses from the children. People seem to gravitate around the smaller versions of her. Their father, (my nephew) gently grabbed his babies and helped them into their car seats. He kissed them, and hug me, said he’d call me later. The ride back to their home was long. I don’t even remember how I got there.
I cooked, gave them baths, and then put them to bed; something I’d been doing frequently the past few months.
I curled up in the corner of the couch, legs folded underneath me and stared at…..nothing. The ringing of the phone interrupted the quietness. I didn’t answer it, I couldn’t answer it. I knew she was gone! The house started to suffocate me. I couldn’t cry! She was only 26. So young. Such a beautiful soul. She never complained. You never saw her depressed or sad. She was always smiling, always laughing. Even when she knew nothing else could be done for her, she was well with it all. Even when they gave her an expiration time, she continued to live as if forever was on her side. Even in her fragile and frail state, her attitude about life reflected the picture of perfect health. That’s the kind of beautiful soul she was. That’s the kind of soul I could only wish to be.
Later that night my nephew came home. His fiancée was gone. The only woman he had ever loved took her last breath. The mother of his three precious children wouldn’t be around to watch them grow into amazing adults. He walked in the room and I saw emptiness in his eyes. He was staring at the exact same thing I was staring at earlier,…..nothing. His voice was barely above a whisper when he finally spoke, “Her last expression was a smile, even till the very end, she smiled.” He flopped down on the couch next to me, laid his head on my shoulder and began sobbing. I never heard a man cry so violently before. I wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t say anything, he didn’t say anything….. We didn’t need to.
The next morning, the tears were fighting to come out but I did my best to yield them by blinking frantically…..
After sending the kids off to school, and making sure my nephew was ok, I headed home.
I found my husband waiting for me, he had took the day off, knowing I’d need him. He started to stand but I motion him to stay seated. I dropped my purse and keys on the floor, kicked off my shoes, folded my feet underneath me and laid my head in his lap. He stroked my hair and all at once…. I was sobbing. He didn’t say anything, I didn’t say anything…. We didn’t need to
Rain~
Note: ~ I wanted to share this with readers and hopefully someone will be inspired.
Cancer didn’t kill babygirl, it just took her body. Her free spirit towards life made the unthinkable, plausible. What many of us take for granted (Life), was taking from her with pre-warning. Yet she didn’t let cancer dictate her life. She smiled through despair and ignored her suffering, she controlled her joy, and held power over her own happiness. She ignored what she couldn’t change and celebrated what she could.
Her life and death has lit a light in me. She has inspired me! The insignificance of foolish shit that streams throughout our lives seem weak, with dull merit; compared to someone like her, that’s been given a death timeline. We should ignore what we can’t control like; the behavior of others and what people think of you, what they say about you, their actions towards you and their reactions because of you. Situations we can’t change, events we can’t stop, money we can’t grow, friendships beyond mending, relationships beyond repair, love we’ve lost, and on and on and on. ~
*Focus every single day on what makes you smile. You are the author of your joy. Don’t let Life’s ache rewrite your happiness…..*
Published 4th Oct 2015
| Edited 1st Apr 2016
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4th Oct 2015 00:18am
Tara, this was an honest, wonderful expression of a beautiful life and I am so sorry for your loss......still believing that absence from the body is to be present with God. Remember the glowing things that were good and God will comfort all of you. My heart hurts for your loss but it's gonna' be alright. It already is : )
4th Oct 2015 00:20am
Sweet Rain. This is beautifully written and a gorgeous tribute to someone you obviously loved deeply. I love what you said, that cancer didnt kill babygirl, it just took her body.
A spirit like you describe lives long in heart and spirit and hevean only knows what realm.
But certainly never dies or fades away.
Prayers for you and family
🌹Jennifer
A spirit like you describe lives long in heart and spirit and hevean only knows what realm.
But certainly never dies or fades away.
Prayers for you and family
🌹Jennifer
Tara, my cherished friend......
My heart goes out to you, and your family! Please know how deeply and sincerely sorry, that i am, for your loss. What a beautiful, courageous, loving, and giving young woman she--so surely--must have been!! Her memory will live on ....through the lives of her children, and in the hearts of all those, whose lives she touched!
This is such a loving, tender tribute to your niece.....one that truly inspires readers to value the very precious gift of Life.....to live each and every moment to the absolute, fullest extent possible!
i am especially affected by your insight.... that it wasn't " the cancer that killed Baby Girl. It just took her body." I believe that when the body is longer able to serve the intended purpose---to house the soul--then the "energy" that is the spirit, is released into yet another realm. Perhaps the painter, Van Gogh, said it best :
"Someday death will take us to a another star." If that is the case, then somewhere, in the nite sky, there is a star ......that is shining a bit b r i g h t e r......glowing with the awesome light of your niece's everlasting spirit....
Sending you, and yours, the comfort, and healing strength of Blue Lite's energy....and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Sioch`ain leat,
Enchantress xoxo
My heart goes out to you, and your family! Please know how deeply and sincerely sorry, that i am, for your loss. What a beautiful, courageous, loving, and giving young woman she--so surely--must have been!! Her memory will live on ....through the lives of her children, and in the hearts of all those, whose lives she touched!
This is such a loving, tender tribute to your niece.....one that truly inspires readers to value the very precious gift of Life.....to live each and every moment to the absolute, fullest extent possible!
i am especially affected by your insight.... that it wasn't " the cancer that killed Baby Girl. It just took her body." I believe that when the body is longer able to serve the intended purpose---to house the soul--then the "energy" that is the spirit, is released into yet another realm. Perhaps the painter, Van Gogh, said it best :
"Someday death will take us to a another star." If that is the case, then somewhere, in the nite sky, there is a star ......that is shining a bit b r i g h t e r......glowing with the awesome light of your niece's everlasting spirit....
Sending you, and yours, the comfort, and healing strength of Blue Lite's energy....and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Sioch`ain leat,
Enchantress xoxo
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
4th Oct 2015 3:53am
<< post removed >>
4th Oct 2015 4:23am
Precious Rain......my heart sank reading this offline......I had to come and embrace you with luvng hugs......I see she has your beauty.......I have no doubt she is sending her luv to you from above......I know the strong Lady you are......to have the strength to write and share this with us proves that.....this is a beautiful and sad tribute to your Babygirl.......may God bless you and words of friends be your comfort......sending much luv......many prayers and embracing hugs your way......luv ya my sweet friend......Flower xoxo :)
Anonymous
4th Oct 2015 6:28am
Miss Rain. . .as w/Miss Flower, I, too, read this offline. . .All I can say is "Damn!". . .I know it's not much but what can you really say when all has already been said?. . .Hope you understand that. . .What got to me the most about this sad composition was your nephew's sorrow. . .I hate to see grown men cry as it takes a lot to make a grown man cry. . .Love to you, your nephew, your grand nieces/nephews, and your family. . .take care, Woman. . .See you when you're better. . .xo, Devlin;)
4th Oct 2015 9:48am
Tara that was heart wrenching to read dear girl. It took great courage to empty your heart like that and your indomitable spirit shines through your writing. I found your after words so very inspirational, too. Thank you for sharing and being so brave. She must have been one terrific lady.
Luv & hugz baby
Tony
Luv & hugz baby
Tony
4th Oct 2015 10:10am
Oh sweet Tara... I ache for your loss, know exactly how if feels havin lost my Dad a lil over a year ago to cancer... near the end, he NEVER was a graceful as your niece, but in happier times he did show a deep appreciation for life....
4th Oct 2015 5:02pm
My sympathy goes out to you and your family as well as my prayers. Your words have always touched me and my soul in many ways and this went deeper.
hugs and kisses to you
hugs and kisses to you
5th Oct 2015 1:17am
Tara dear sweet Tara, my heart breaks for you and your family....
I am not good at times like this with expressing my feeling but i found the words to tell you I love you .
I wish i had a magic potion to make her whole again, and make things alright..
I am beyond devastated in your grief....
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tara)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Jackie
I am not good at times like this with expressing my feeling but i found the words to tell you I love you .
I wish i had a magic potion to make her whole again, and make things alright..
I am beyond devastated in your grief....
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tara)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Jackie
6th Oct 2015 1:40pm
7th Oct 2015 4:49am
Thank you for sharing this very important and personal story it has hit very close to home. Thank you
7th Oct 2015 6:51pm
sorry to hear the sad news, glad the children are blessed with a loving aunt, love your message at the end... stay strong goddess...
9th Oct 2015 10:01pm
A heartbreaking thing to watch a loved one fade away, I also believe the body is only a host until it expires and then we leave it behind. A profound piece Rain, I understand completely. A beautiful and sad tribute to a strong lady. Take care of you xx
12th Oct 2015 10:25pm
Sorry, so sorry for your loss. This is hard and you are tired... her memory shines bright now and for many years to come.
Thank you for sharing this memory with us.
Thank you for sharing this memory with us.
Anonymous
15th Oct 2015 1:30pm
Rain, My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. Each time we lose someone, a piece of us goes with them and when they're young and they had so much to live for, makes it even harder.
Oh that corridor you described...i know too well, its probably the hardest moments in life to walk thru that corridor and leave..but do we really leave?!
A big hug to you, you are a strong woman and you will be the anchor to your family through these difficult times.
Oh that corridor you described...i know too well, its probably the hardest moments in life to walk thru that corridor and leave..but do we really leave?!
A big hug to you, you are a strong woman and you will be the anchor to your family through these difficult times.
16th Oct 2015 11:13am
My heart hurts to see such a sacred moment I almost couldn't finish it. I send prayers for you and yours
28th Nov 2015 12:32pm
Our losses have inadvertently bonded us as Poets, Artists, and Human Beings. I'm not speaking in general. I'm talking about Rain and Phantom.
