Alcholic or Drug Addict

Nobody Town
I'm stuck in the city.                  
This girl is too easy.                    
Another bottle is empty                    
And I'm feeling dizzy.                    
Day is a distant memory.            
                             
I tend to slip and spill                      
On pharmaceutical hills.                          
Three grams and ten pills--
I'm covered with the chills.      
I do it for the thrill.                    
                 
I don 't want to come down.                    
I can't let go of the crown.                  
If I do, I might just drown.                  
I feel like a foolish clown                  
Trapped in a nobody town.                    
                 
So, turn off the lights.                  
I want to see the skyline                    
Performing my last rites--                  
Moonshine through wine                  
And stars in the night.                  
                 
What a terrible fate--                  
Letting my eyes dilate                  
With death as a soul mate.                  
This is the world I create.                    
It is already, too late.

Moonlight Mood
Candle lit vibes set                            
my moonlight mood.                    
                 
I see impulsive dark skies and                                  
visions of the burnt spoon.  
                                                               
I know she wants to fight and                                      
I'm already being fooled.                                    
                                   
If I can't find my pipe,                                    
I'll be pissed off soon.                                      
                                   
It wasn't love at first sight and                                      
she can't know the truth.                                    
                                   
Its impossible to cry                                    
because I'm never moved.                  
                 
I can't handle tonight,                              
so I dream of noon.                                                    
                                 
She looks me in the eyes and                                  
says, "I can't be with you",
                                 
then leaves, in the right,                                  
as I watch from my room.

thank you Rainy_Day13 for fantastic entries

Experimenting with Sobriety

How fucked is it I experiment with sobriety,
Deceive others to believe I’m functioning in society,
Feel relieved only when drugs are inside of me,
Weed, molly, oxy, benzos, LSD, DMT, ketamine,
Bursting seams mentally sucking at the devil's teat,
So I feel more at peace in my dreams than reality,
Its hard to believe others dramatize that part of me,
Traumatized yet still I abuse losing my vitality,
I’m a fool to use to cope with the stress of my adolescent morality,
That’s an excuse from my poor mentality
I am an abnormality,
And neglected the lesson that might stand in place of this confession,
Showing symptoms of depression,
all hopes is not lost,
I can buy happiness,
I gave it a cost,
my discretion I tossed aside
I'm exhausted and losing my mind,
I'm inclined to combine refined lines designed to unwind my kind,
Find time to remind myself I wont find the dragon.
My life will end with a magnum,
a drug induced tantrum,
mental phantoms hold me for ransom,
But I demand one last dance,
One last chance to forget the pain present in the past,
and just ...relax.

Tyler

Now I know what's it's like to lose a best friend,
It was the heroin we both dabbled in that ended him,
I cannot pretend that I am not full of regret,
He could not attend his own graduation,
on track for a massive congratulations,
He could have overcome every obstacle that faced him,
But a fascination with the most dangerous escape meant damnation,
It started as recreation and ended with a premature grave,
Why is it that we made the same mistake but he had to pay,
We both knew the price of pain associated with greatness,
A constant fight against complacence,
I remember it seemed so innocent,
We smoked weed and cigarettes,
drank on more than the weekends,
while we  contemplated our weaknesses,
And the feats we would achieve after college,
So we shared knowledge and advised each other how to carry our burdens,
So it hurts when I know he couldn't learn from the words spoken,
I am left to observe his lifeless body disappear into that hearse.
Taking my friend away from this earth.

thank you Brad for a great and then for a very painful entry

Waking up in a stranger's bed on a Sunday
Not finding your clothes
Calling in sick at work again on a Monday
Bruises on your thighs from what, who knows

Showering the next day
trying to scrub off the filth and the memories
and finding that you finger is broken; at the hospital, you don't know what to say
having no idea how it happened, you lie, make up stories

Kicked out of the bar on a Thursday night
plans for the weekend ruined, but unable to cry and pout
you get a pint of 110 and drink it all, which is in no way right
staggering into the park, you hang with the derelicts and promptly pass out

Your money is gone and the sun is shining in your face
there is some dude on the bench next to you snoring
It is Saturday afternoon, time to find a place to race
partying by yourself is boring

Another weekend of coming and going
this time, you fell jumping over a rope
onto concrete and your tooth is missing
How do you explain this to the dentist, you begin to lose hope

Your landlord, the third in two years
has told you that you have to leave
Apparently he has teenagers downstairs, and he has some fears
that they will get ideas, watching you, not too hard to believe

Sleeping on the job everyone said was not right
Unable to get up in the morning
after staying out all night
An alcoholic's career path is not actually soaring

Screwing the family, they disowned you and you know what for
They told you that you made your bed and to sleep in it
Apparently, passing out on your childhood home's living room floor
is not cool, your mother didn't raise up that shit

"Terrible Tuesday" and the parents come to visit
Rehab again?  Why not, third time is a charm
There won't be hugging on this alkie unit
and it ain't a visit to the spa; it is a funny farm

A good place to hook up, though
find someone getting out just before you and ask them to return to give you a ride
when you are released, they have a 12-pack stashed under the seat, let's go
pop open that puppy and drink it on the way out of the parking lot, why hide

Sobriety ain't no picnic, bro
walking in stores is torture, and you start to twitch
in the grocery store aisle with the booze bottles lined up in a row
can't do it, can't go there, for a year, it is easy to get one to lead to two, progression is a bitch

Family holidays are fun, dude
you ain't felt like shit more than when
your mom laughs as she drinks her rum and coke in front of you, which in itself is rude
But then bitch laughs out loud, while saying, in front of everyone:  "She can't have any"

Fuck this, I'm buying a pint of 110 vodka tonight
and planning my next slip
I will make sure to get extra pineapple juice, without it, don't taste right
It ain't winter, so I won't be walking barefoot in the snow to the bar, which is hard on the feet and really a trip

I know just the place, a friend who smokes weed too
It should be fun, we can shoot the shit and reminisce
about old times, when we were young and our worries were few
I will be sure to go to the bathroom every hour, have to remember to piss

The only problem is what to do about the car
Because after a few, I want to go man go
I always liked to drive and go to the bar
and at this point, it would be my third OUI, so...

Jail is a nice place to wake up in when you are in a drunken fog
you get a shower and a nice meal
if you like white bread, beans, and a spongy hot dog
The only problem is finding a ride home, for real

Who wants to come bail out your drunk ass
you have to promise someone money as pay back
so you call your drug dealer and get a free pass
as long as you sell a bag or two for him; then you have to hide, because you don't come through or pay him jack

There is one more thing that I have to say
about being an alcoholic and it is this, my friend
If you want to lose your health, part of your mind, and some time on earth in the most horrific way
then drink up to oblivion as I have, but I guarantee you will regret every second; it is not worth it in the end

RX
At first it all seems ok,
After surgery,to make your pain go away

Swallow one down and then maybe 2
Its ok, the RX said thats what you should do

Does it matter that my pain aint all that bad?
Seeing all those pills could never make me sad

Hidden is the fact that my pain comes from within
My last thought before popping 2 more was these things should be a sin

With eyes closed theres no reason to shout
Be loud and piss me off, I will yell get the fuck out!

Now Im angry and need it go away
Reach for that bottle baby, there aint shit left to say

Once they melt by all the acids inside
The amazing high I feel is hard to hide

The real pain isnt gone and behold more than one refill
Feeling like cloud 9 exists when you swallow just 1 more pill

The pharmacy calls, your smile is oh so grand
Feeling like a kid with candy once they are in my hand

No reason to grab water, juice or a Coke
Chew up three dry, my habit aint no joke

Looking in the mirror when this bottles gone
Wondering if your Dr will remember your famous song

Making up some shit so they will put you through
The Dr. OK'd your script, Im all aglow, its true

And if anyone ask, yes Im in pain
And then this hellish nightmare will begin all over again

Not Again

Just one, it has all been said before
While smiling and winking as you walk out the door

We all know one turns into 10
Only to wake up and think please not again

Like a broken record, and annoying as fuck
Drinkin too much especially when we scared off Lady Luck

We all have demons, some more than most
Mine happen to like it here, even with all the fucking ghosts

Its not a pretty sight once it all goes down
Not at all sexy, becoming one with the ground

Make up running wild and smelling of bile
Looking at this mess certainly has become vile

I said it before and Ill say it one more time
I swear just one, really ~ I promise Ill be fine.

Written by mysteriouslady

thank you Primogentio and Mysteriouslady for very real pain filled entries

A Dream Of You~  For H.E. Rowan

I had a Dream that you came back into my arms,
Dove under my skin and made my cold Soul warm.
Everything around me faded out of view,
And there I was, alone again, a fool for you.
I held you in the morning, then, again, at Noon,
I held you in my arms all night until I felt the swoon.
I held you patiently inside the candles light,
Long enough to warm you up, so you could treat me right.
You helped me find a different piece of mind each day,
And when I felt alone you helped me find my hideaway.
You showed me Pain and Pleasure shortly followed,
Flooding through my veins, filling up all that was hollow.
Something in your stinging kiss fulfills the crave,
Each time, surely, sending me much closer to the Grave.
A Dream it may have been, but, oh, the way it felt!
To hold you in my arms again, biting on a belt.
You were my oblivion, that's why I let you go,
Now a Dream of you is all I wish to know.
You helped me find destruction, my old, beautiful friend,
But, like all things, destruction, too, must come to an end.
I wish to look within myself and try to heal,
All the Pain and Loneliness that we tried to conceal.
The Dreams aren't helping, though, it's like you're calling me back,
A Phantom of the old Blood Train, trying to lay new tracks.
So, here's to you, old friend, for helping me find Peace,
Here's to all the Darkness that you helped me to release.
Here's to all the Joy you brought, also all the Pain,
Here's to all the times you made me feel fucking insane.
Here's to all the good times, here's to all the bad.
I'll never take you back, but you're the best I've ever had.

Junk Weight~

What have I become?
Dont even know myself.
I just want to run,
Wont somebody help?
I just want to scream,
I just want to cry.
Is this all just a Dream?
So fucking empty am I.
My word is all I've had,
Now that, too, is a lie.
I feel so fucking bad,
I'd rather just be high.
The pin tears through my soul,
A scream silenced within.
But I've lost my control,
Another scream begins.
Wish I could fly away,
But broken wings wont fly.
I'm lost in disarray,
I hang my head and cry.
Just cry and cry into my hands,
This person isn't me.
This isn't who I really am,
This isn't who I want to be.
What have I become?
I've lost my will to dream.
I just want to numb,
Myself to everything.
I cant go on like this.
I'll surely kill myself,
Looking for my bliss.
Wont somebody help?
I used to be so proud,
I used to be so free.
Now I search for clouds,
Now I'm just a creep.
I've built up all this pain,
And shot it to the sky,
But I still feel the same,
I wish I could just fly.
Fly away from Me,
And all that I've become.
I no longer want to be,
So comfortably numb.
I want to be me again,
But only find Him in my sleep.
I want to be loved again,
But who could Love a Creep?
What have I become?
I used to be so great.
Wish I could find someone,
To heal all this self-hate.
Wont somebody save me?
Wont somebody try?
Does anyone believe,
That I'm still worth the time?

beyond the shadow and pearls

many claim they lurk in the shadows
love the Darkness  

i am a broken silhouette against the pavement
fragmented by self doubt  
needing you to solve the jigsaw  
the granite of the sidewalk, deceptively jagged
and will surely cut your hands
take your tears as toll  
time and time again  
as my shadow shifts with the changing light
and you unexplainably following  

bloody pearls mark your tips
for moving darkness traced on asphalt  

understand, it's not of my making
neither the shadow nor the road  

i beg
let me taste your pearls  
and salted wounds

if I am to rise
you'll be the anointed one  

healing, because you see beyond the shadow

Jennifer finding Wonderland
I was lost inside "We are all mad around here." Just the worst fucking way to be.

I ran right down that bunny hole to hoard the fuckmeup treats.

Alice, was turning into a trick,
some Johns sweet little thing.

The Mad hatter no longer talking jive, was making perfect sense to me.

And that damned grinning cat,
no twisted insight,
just howled all night in heat.

I cut up the Queen of Hearts roses,
hoping she'd have my head.
The bitch invited me to tea.

I do not know what time the rabbit kept,
I was too busy running after me.

But you know how those stories usually end,
All the same players,
wind up to be in some not so real dream.

I fought hard to just wake the fuck up,  and ran back to Jennifer's good crazy mad Wonderland Reality.

Sweeeet! Luvvvs!