Alcholic or Drug Addict

thank you FacePaint, LSP and Jennifer for some fantastic entries :)

6 Blue 10/325


6 blue 10/325
man I cant wait to get high
Crush em smash em
6 lines I make
Feel the anticipation
My nose
The only intake

whoo, feel that burn
Taste that taste
Lick the mirror
No need to waste

30 minutes it starts to hit
That tingling
This feeling
Its fucking legit

I lay in bed
My nose touches the ceiling
Oh my god
I love this fucking feeling

If you ask me how I feel
With eyes closed I'll laugh
Man don't be so pushy
Don't you know
I'm higher than giraffe pussy

nice

ALL THE RIGHT DRUGS

I've been busy momma.

Turning shit into gold.

You can help if you want to,

just don't touch me

don't bother me,

don't talk.


You can see the progress.

From the wounds I inflict.

All your words mean so much to me.

I don't want to hear,

don't care to hear

at all.


When I was drunk,

and on lethal highs

You were the only one fighting for my life.

Empty the capsule,

I'm an asshole in love.

With all the wrong things,

but all the right drugs.




Though in my opinion...The world needs better ones.



Written by jaspersilence

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

I do what is needed.

Beyond the closed door in my room.

Venture onto a necessary social convention,

where I was surrounded by caring souls.

They were interested in my story,

my thoughts...

Then...

The party ended,and I closed the car door.

Back into my desperate world.

My secret life.

Pain makes you do funny things,

and the drive home was a very loud,

intense argument with myself.

You can almost convince yourself,

that you'll stay strong.

Overcome addiction.

However,after awhile,hope frosts over.

I'll get out of my car.

Limp my crippled ass into the house,

and shut another door.

Hey mom...

hey dad,sister,brother...

Hey elementary school teachers.

Coach.

First love.

Do you dare want to see what I'm doing behind all of these closed doors?



Written by jaspersilence

My rehab !


I think about my past,
The thought of time machines can't make the dream last.
I would go back to who I used to be,
Instead of what the fuck I am,
A monster,
Who feeds on itself.
Neglect of my health,
For outlook.
Try to make me an inpatient,
Bitch fuck your motherfucking rehab.

Rehabilitate,
What you can't  facilitate,
I didn't know they had zoo's for demons.
Debilitation my innocence,
But that bitch left my soul fucking indigent,
I hold left over pride in my penmanship.
Pull my pen apart to snort up my negligence .
Now I'm lost,
In a world full of ignorance.
But fuck it.
All this killing of my dignity,
Gets drowned,
When 1800 shots start floating around.
All the vomit and the nose bleeds,
Show me,
What the fuck I am, and who the fuck I'm not.
I'm not that same old little kid,
That you loved.
I'm a motherfucking miscreant so save your hugs.
Momma have a rollover,
In her grave.
Daddy have a heart attack,
Oh lord!
When he find out Jonny Boy died of cardiac arrest.
Overdosed on self loathing,
To kill the love lost.

  When I don't have no grams,
I pump up by the liter.
Depleted,
Of the love that I had,
When my momma died it was all up to dad,
And damn,
That man did his best,
It wasn't until I left,
That I became a fucking mess.
God damned,
What I am today
Suicide can leave me silent,
But my words will stay alive ,
So fuck it.

 She told me let this shit out,
Its assurance that I shit out.
This ain't that 22 year old,
More like 18 with today's fucking problems.
All those lost ones rolling on the hill,
I love you,
All the miscreants choking on those pills,
Stay up.
All you people fucking shooting dope,
Keep hope.
All my people that snort  the coke,
Rage on
And if you're an "alcohol enthusiast"
Fuck your bullshit,
The life that we chose is a short one to live.


   Take me away from what I am today
I live in pain so I can share my spirit.
I want the fucking world to hear it.
She said let this shit out,
So I let this fucking shit out

Mortified because I am running out of pride,
And all my friends are on the other side,
So I confide in the world,
There has to be someone who knows my pain.
Life is like a game,
If I lose, I lose my life.
Can you fix what's broken?
Bitch,
This is my motherfucking rehab.

 The last time that I prayed to you,
I asked for help on a drug test.
Lord forgive my fucking ignorance.
My stupidity rises with my tolerance.
I lose my brain on the fast lane,
But this is my motherfucking rehab.

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/200465-my-rehab/

Love it

not like me

spinning-falling onto the floor
in front of you
little girl

for some reason you went to the computer
took a picture of your face

the lost dead eyes
I shall never forget

mother kills daughter
details at ten

tonight you're 16
you tell me you're a virgin no more
I'm happy for you
so grateful you went to me with this

but we can't really talk about it
you were too gone to know what really happened
don't remember feeling anything
bruises on your neck

you say new things that are somehow familiar
it makes it all so much better
coming into your window at 7 in the morning
foul-smelling
hungry

my baby
you're always hungry
as if I purposefully starve you
because you know it's better if you don't eat

my exhaustion
the night before spent waiting til you text me you're okay

our little code that's not a code at all
any little random set of numbers and / or letters
yet those that could be typed accidentally as someone is

pulling you into a van and driving away

my bad decisions
passiveness
they're going to do it anyway it's better you know about it

aching to call your dad
who begged me to keep you and marry him

someone I never thought would walk away

and I want to cry because

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LOVED

not like me

YOU ARE SPECIAL AND WORTHY

not like me

mom I can stop when I want to

and why there will never be any redemption
any relief
any end to this hell on earth

if someone put that little vial of white
in front of me right now

it would be gone in a second

Rehab

There is this place that I learned about in nineteen seventy-six
It was on a top floor of a small hospital, I think it was the sixth
As I answered the switchboard of the hospital that year
I watched some of my friends get escorted there, to become free from beer

Night after night, the quietness of the lobby was disturbed
and the security guards had to run up to the unit where crashing sounds were heard
I was not sure what went on up there and was not allowed to find out
but for some reason, I kept this rehab in my head and I soon found out what it was about

I quit that job because it interfered with my drinking
You know, in the bar at eight, unable to start the night shift at eleven, what was I thinking
And the poor old switchboard manager had to get up from her sleep to cover and come in
I would call her from the bar, sure that she wouldn't know I was drunk, shit-faced again

From the age of eighteen, my life took off like jet rockets
Fucked up three jobs and broke two teeth out of their sockets
drinking, screwing, smoking, and partying my ass off, shunned from society
I fell from the airstrip of life long ago; it would not be an easy slide into sobriety

The first time in rehab, I was nineteen years old
and jail is where I was told I had to go
As I cried tears of shame in the courtroom, I held on to the rope
the judge took pity on me and said rehab was my only hope

Now I had never seen the likes of the place
and to forego jail, I decided to get in that race
Alone with no one and nowhere else to go
I allowed the detective to drive me there, to start the show

I sat in a chair in the nurse's office for what seemed like half a day
as they took my picture, did the paperwork, and made phone calls, I had nothing to say
It was foreign and smelled like bleach
when I got to my room, I couldn't open the windows and wanted to screech

I had an xray of my hand which was broke in two places and would not bend
and apologized to the staff for now knowing how it happened
I cried for what seemed like the first three days
and on a morning walk, I basked in the newness of the sun's rays

Thinking that I would sleep it off, that first day, I was rudely awakened
and told to come to group, where all would not be foresakened
Shit, I hate people, and decided to lock myself in the bathroom
As I sat on the toilet with my head in my hands, a nice big man in white came in with a boom

He led me to the room with chairs in circles of three
Everyone had a loved one and a counselor next to them but me
I was told that my mother refused to come to help me
despite being told that I might not make it, you see, she refused to come to Terrible Tuesday

Thirty days later, I fattened up on the food, what can I say
and I was told that I could leave the next day
I had a plan to meet a dude who got out the week before
he had money and taught me how to play chess; I doubt he knew what was in store

I needed a ride, what can I say
and I was kicked out of my apartment because of having no money to pay
As I descended the stairs, I waved to my old switchboard manager whom I thought would faint
She waved back, held no grudge to the day she died, the woman was a saint

As I got in the dude's car, he placed my things in the trunk and shut his car door
I noticed that my feet were crushed by something on the floor
It was a paper bag, for me, he said, and he popped the top of a beer for himself
I got one out of the bag and drank it before I got to his house, then took another off the shelf

That was my first stint in the thirty-days of hell farm
The second one was a year later, and I went because I got drunk, lost a tooth, and fucked up my arm
after a week-long bender from hell
the concrete is where I must have fell

Some dude from Montana gave me a ride home that time
He was tall, drove a taxi, and wore a black cowboy hat; he was mighty fine
I made it about two weeks that time, after he put me in his apartment, which was a studio
and only had a bed and one chair; and a kitchen table.  He only played bloody country on his radio

It takes what it takes, one day at a time, all of this bullshit I prayed would help me to give
life to my baby, so after my third stay, I realized that my child deserved to live
I told no one and drove there myself back in nineteen eighty-five
I don't remember the road that I took on that fateful drive

No more men to give me rides home
I had to stop doing it for others and make it on my own
That sixth floor rehab in the hospital saved my life, it is where the shit hit the fan
I live very differently now and am proud that my son got to grow up and become a man

congratulations Primogenito for the win on your untitled entry was really felt your pain

congrats also for placing Johnny212 on My Rehab I was really drawn into your pain and Mysteriouslady on RX those prescribed pills have a wicked allure

thank you all that entered you made this a really tough competition to judge with some really beautiful and heart breaking entries

Holy shit thank you!  YAY!  Congrats to the winner and other runner up! <3