deepundergroundpoetry.com
Trademan's Last Trade
He traded drugs for poetry.
Drink for pencil and paper.
An unused tongue
for one with no use.
Love of stone and sand
for something bloody and foreign
and warm; more hungry than marriage
before its sure end.
He imagines himself
on a bed with starched sheets,
in a room with her visiting
his thoughts more than before.
A hand comes to take him somewhere,
a silent hand. He can't bargain,
can't refuse.
Risks are only luxuries for the living
and losing. The hand is a light in light.
When he closes his eyes it's not colour
or black he hopes for,
but the sound of leaves sweeping the entrance
of a cave, while he's fleshing out in the dimness
full of fear, hope. Nothing else.
Published 4th Apr 2013
| Edited 9th Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 644
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Apr 2013 8:07pm
Some worthy trades. Fear and hope can be everything.
A great thought provoking write MrA. :)
A great thought provoking write MrA. :)
5th Apr 2013 9:21am
4th Apr 2013 8:42pm
5th Apr 2013 9:21am
4th Apr 2013 11:28pm
5th Apr 2013 9:23am
7th Apr 2013 7:20pm
Just re-read this, and realised how perfect that line break, '...with her visiting/his thoughts...', is. Love when new things hit you like that when you go back to a piece; sure sign of layers, and layers are my favourite thing. The reason that break is so good, I think, is because of the possibility of it being two different thoughts, or one run-on thought. And if you were to take that line 'his thoughts more than before' as an idea on its own, what 'more than before', would mean in terms of thoughts is really interesting. There's a feeling of sudden clarity in that. Can't remember which poet it was, but someone said that they put line breaks where they imagined taking a natural pause and breath. I think that's not such a good way to go about it - surely line breaks should be used to highlight certain things, instead of just settling on phrases where we normally would. Anyway, love yer line break.
In a way I wonder whether you need that 'and' in the last line. 'Full of fear, hope. Nothing else' might be like a eyelid shutting. And I think I like that. In a cave like that, I imagine 'and' words getting swept away.
In a way I wonder whether you need that 'and' in the last line. 'Full of fear, hope. Nothing else' might be like a eyelid shutting. And I think I like that. In a cave like that, I imagine 'and' words getting swept away.
9th Apr 2013 10:11am
Think you're right about moving the 'and'. You're definitely the first person to mention the deceiving line-breaks I use. Means a lot that you noticed that. Just smoke and mirrors.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment, Miss Merda. :)
Thank you for the thoughtful comment, Miss Merda. :)
