deepundergroundpoetry.com
Those Who No-one Listens For, Listen the Most
The deer creeps out from the thicket to the field.
I didn't see it was a deer until it moved, a few seconds
after that a female walked out behind the male.
Both were hungry. The grass more important
than the surroundings. I was many metres away and coughed,
they didn't even raise an ear. A crow squawked
and their ears stood tall, rotating for news.
They listen to the birds, how we listen to phones, traffic
alarms, sirens. Nothing is listening for the deer.
I stood still on the path watching the beauty
of a necessary language
that had been used long before it could be spoken of.
Published 3rd Apr 2013
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Anonymous
3rd Apr 2013 12:04pm
Heavy stuff Mr. A..Philosophical pondering s make great poems :-)
Well done
Well done
3rd Apr 2013 8:21pm
3rd Apr 2013 12:50pm
3rd Apr 2013 8:23pm
3rd Apr 2013 12:56pm
3rd Apr 2013 8:25pm
It's worth more than it's not worth. Confuse myself sometimes. Cheers for the thoughts, saxman.
3rd Apr 2013 8:27pm
"Nothing is listening for the deer."
Obvious, but easily overlooked, this thought. Like it.
This is a run-on sentence: I didn't see it was a deer until it moved, a few seconds
after that a female walked out behind the male.
Suggest this: I didn't see it was a deer until it moved. A few seconds
after that, a female walked out behind the male.
The grass more important
than the surroundings. This sentence lacks a verb ("the grass was"?) - I only point out the above because you have structured it with proper grammar, capitals, punctuation etc. Minor inaccuracies, no biggie, it's a good write, just some people want feedback, blah blah *goes off grumbling*
:)
Obvious, but easily overlooked, this thought. Like it.
This is a run-on sentence: I didn't see it was a deer until it moved, a few seconds
after that a female walked out behind the male.
Suggest this: I didn't see it was a deer until it moved. A few seconds
after that, a female walked out behind the male.
The grass more important
than the surroundings. This sentence lacks a verb ("the grass was"?) - I only point out the above because you have structured it with proper grammar, capitals, punctuation etc. Minor inaccuracies, no biggie, it's a good write, just some people want feedback, blah blah *goes off grumbling*
:)
3rd Apr 2013 8:40pm
You know I love you for it.
This wasn't intended to create much of a narrative, but to just state and lay what's happening down. Missing verb is just my tongue. Full stops are severely neglected in poetry, and life. I've written crisp poetry. Loads of it. Time to be myself and make an organised mess.
Thanks for the caring comment, Atakti. I'll ponder what you said regardless.
This wasn't intended to create much of a narrative, but to just state and lay what's happening down. Missing verb is just my tongue. Full stops are severely neglected in poetry, and life. I've written crisp poetry. Loads of it. Time to be myself and make an organised mess.
Thanks for the caring comment, Atakti. I'll ponder what you said regardless.
Anonymous
4th Apr 2013 8:35am
I really like what all you said here, good for you Mr. A.
Be you....
:-) yay
Be you....
:-) yay
