yes I do

 
 
 
yesterday had some hours to kill  
before finishing the trip home  
 
the crew has been away a few days
inland  
fixing a tunnel that the last storm broke  
 
went up to see the repairs  
to pay the bills  
and buy the men a beer  
 
did that  
drove home  
 
pulled over in a back-roads pub  
about 4 o’clock
walked in  
place was empty  
dusty
must have missed the action
by about forty years
 
the barmaid  
old-duck
small and too-thin  
parchment faced
more grey than blond  
felt kind as a grandma
 
woulda been a looker once  
still had that look pretty women use  
to wrap men up  
 
just me and her then  
and I ordered my first  
belted it  
went again  
 
did that for an hour and a half  
 
after about the 6th shot she says  
“where you staying tonight hunny?”  
I said “that’s my truck. will sleep it off”  
she was happy with that
and kept ‘em coming  
 
so  
when enough was enough  
staggered from the joint
no goodbyes
to my truck  
head spinning
eyes flicking up and down and around  
fell into the seat heavy
drove around the corner
barely  
pulled off the road  
lay the seat back  
head spinning too bad to sleep though
so opened the door
leaned out
put my fingers down my neck  
brought up that ten-dollar-a-glass bad oil  
frothed it out on the ground  
and the door-sill  
 
didn’t care  
 
blacked out  
 
came too in the dark and rain  
one in the morning
door still open
world stinking of vomited liquor
 
sat my seat up  
drove  
just me and the long-haul truckers out in it  
 
felt like the darkness was all for me  
a shadow I was throwing
 
smoked a few smokes  
held on to the wheel like a dying man  
made it home  
fell on the bed  
cried a bit  
slept  
empty as an angel
 
 
 
 
got up this morning
shaved
 
had a long look
 
still don’t know  
what I am