deepundergroundpoetry.com

For Me

I have something of your's
It's not in my pocket
It's not in either hand
It's not your gold locket
Or your lost silver band.
It's nothing you can see
Nothing anyone can feel
It's something just for me
It's something I had to steal,
Want to know what I stole?
It's actually a couple of things!
I gave you despair and woe
As I took your hopes and dreams.
�

Written by Darkshine

Published 18th Mar 2013 | Edited 19th Mar 2013

All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.

likes 6 reading list entries 2

comments 5 reads 1085

Commenting Preference:

The author encourages honest critique.

Re: For Me

Anonymous

18th Mar 2013 12:56pm

Short, solid, easy cadence, and every line rhymes with the second that follows. Nicely done! Wicked little mongrel... stealing two of the most valuable things money can't buy.

I do think that last "For me." could have been left off. But that's a personal preference, not a criticism. It's a good write, Darkshine!

Darkshine

18th Mar 2013 4:22pm

Thanks! I agree with you that it could do without the way I ended it. Wasn't the best way to do it. While creating the poem last night, was tired, sensed it needed more, then thought to hell with it, and ended it that way. Going to change it now. :)