Sinister

My life is just a sinister joke.
 That people laugh at and provoke
while they watch me lie there and choke.
 It’s like I can feel the ripping and tearing,
 A mental pairing of chains and shackles
 A bondage that causes me pain
with forgiveness that is vein.
 My sanity is like a toy for only the cruel to enjoy.
 Very few understand the amount of pain one can endure.
 You’ll find that most are blind and obscure.
 They don’t understand the complicated mind
or the reality of mine.
 You can watch as I self medicate.
While I’m hoping others can relate.
 But look at me in denial like my life is just a trial.
 I keep lying to myself a deluded belief that my life is decided.
 From beyond what I can understand is why I exist.
 Why im still here when I don’t have a purpose.