Mental Knots

Emotions, logic and clarity
All these things
Are scattered within me
But rarely do they meet

I can only describe them
As a ball of tangled strings
They are just all throw together
Quite haphazardly
There is no certainty
Or way of knowing
If these strings
Will end up connecting
Connecting in a positive way
Giving me much needed directing

The strings will occasionally
Come in contact
Forming one piece into two
Giving the rare opportunity
To feel successful
And be complete
If even just for a few days

Unfortunately, I know me
My knot of strings and I have a long history
These strings of mine
Begin to twist and fight
Now they are just a bundle of mystery
It changes so rapidly
This configuration is new to me

Then the familiar pattern returns
My tears turn to ashes
And I begin the long decent
Down the hall of  shameful memories
As I fall
I am engulfed
Smothered in misery
All the while knowing
This depression
Could keep showing
For weeks

Feeling trapped in my reality
I wonder if I will ever find a release
There is so much guilt surrounding me
It's thick like a fog
Blanketing my skin
Turning a simple task
Something I dread
And try to slink past

The only thing in my life
That is ever consistent
Are these forever changing
Perpetually rearranging strings

Already they have created a new design
Making me question who I am
I contemplate
Will I be able
To make it though
Or will I just end up
Jumping off a roof

These strings of mine
Feel like the only way
To accurately describe
My convoluted mind



©2013 Miss Morbid