Colourful Confusion

Outwardly, i have not cried in years,
one the inside, every single day, every single night,
only in my dreams, am i safe from my mind, when my mind is most bright,
It's not my inner perception of troubles on-going, that makes me sad,
rather my outward expressions on my inner rotting that's growing, i'm bad,
Electrical colours that buzz and vibrate,
the pleasure, the pain, it hurts me, it's great,
I tell myself lies, to keep my sanity,
i tell myself i suffer no vanity,
but i feel shame, so i must seek some sort of gain, to mask it, so it must be,
vanity, hence the lie,  i tell myself i do not suffer from insanity,
blue, purple, yellow, green, mean, help me, scream,
orange, red, black, brown, cream, follow, dream.