Snow and An Eating Disorder

I did it for the first time ever this weekend,
Whoever said drugs and eating disorders didn’t mix
They obviously didn’t try the right drugs
After three days of playing with snow,
And not eating for four days
They started to finally stick out
My ribs have never looked so beautiful
The skin directly under follows the pattern,
And begin to dramatically cave in.
A couple days later I give in and eat.
My caved in stomach starts to swell, and it sickens me
I run to the toilet, and puke until my caved stomach Is back.
How dare I ruin something so perfect?
So I picked up my razor, and held it to my flesh
Surprisingly It was freezing against my wrist.
I cut until the blood runs down, past my fingers and onto my white sheets.
I start to feel better, now that my skin looks as ugly as I feel.
But it’s not enough.
I pull down my shorts, and look at my fat nasty thighs.
The one thing I hate more then my stomach.
My mind controlling my body,
It forced my fingers to pick up that razor,
And forced it deep into my fat thigh.
Again
And
Again
Until the blood trickled down to my knee
I felt paralyzed with fear,
I’ve never seen so much beautiful blood come from something so ugly.
I hope I don’t do it again, but as long as I hate my fat ugly skin, I will.
Again
And
Again