unanswered questions

Where did i go wrong?
Why can't things work out?
Do i not deserve to be happy?
Am i such a bad person?

Every night i fantasise about death.
He comes and swallows my pain,
Eases my anguish,
Wipes my tears.
He promises a place where i can forget,
I dont have to feel,
A place of nothingness.
Infinite darkness where i can sleep undisturbed.
Eternal silence where i can escape my thoughts.

So tempting...
Do i believe him?

My life to date has been cruel.
Happiness short lived.
All energy spent on efforts for others.
Being a good person has gotten me nowhere.
My emotions seep from my flesh in a sea of red,
Leaving a map of my tortured existance written in scars.

I'm torn...

Do i wander aimlessly untill 'my time'?
Or
Do i take him up on his offer?
Wirh nowhere to go its tempting.
I fear its anorher cruel joke.

Can i trust you?
Is it too good to be true?
Or will you laugh at my foolishness?

For believing
Hoping, yet again
That i deserve happiness....