deepundergroundpoetry.com
make her proud
All i ever wanted to do, is make her proud
show her i am not the same, but i guess thats for her to figure out
looking at people's lives with all there problems
i want to help so they dont feel like they are falling
One time i use to have lots of ambition
i wanted to help but nobody would listen
but everytime someone looks at me
it breaks my heart but fear is all i see
I am on this earth for reason
atleast thats what i am believing
i dont know maybe i am just dreaming
or maybe its time for me to stand up and stop weeping
show her i am not the same, but i guess thats for her to figure out
looking at people's lives with all there problems
i want to help so they dont feel like they are falling
One time i use to have lots of ambition
i wanted to help but nobody would listen
but everytime someone looks at me
it breaks my heart but fear is all i see
I am on this earth for reason
atleast thats what i am believing
i dont know maybe i am just dreaming
or maybe its time for me to stand up and stop weeping
Published 18th Feb 2013
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18th Feb 2013 7:20am
I can sense that this is a passionate piece, but if you really want other people to feel you, you should place some concrete examples for others to relate. You write you want to make her proud so tell who she is to give an idea of why she is important and what to you do to make her proud.
You write "show her I am not the same, same as what? A few more details are needed to make this a great piece. Take this as constructive critism I see passion in your words.
Welcome to DU this is a great site if you love writing wether you write for your own pleasure or to entertain/enlighten others. Hope you find what you are looking for at this site.
You write "show her I am not the same, same as what? A few more details are needed to make this a great piece. Take this as constructive critism I see passion in your words.
Welcome to DU this is a great site if you love writing wether you write for your own pleasure or to entertain/enlighten others. Hope you find what you are looking for at this site.
19th Feb 2013 00:56am
