Dream deathbed

There must be something bugging me,
The nightmare I just had,
Was just a bad dream,
But my cold last week turned into man flu,
And now my bad dream has become a nightmare.

I lay there, hooked up to all manner of machines,
In a private room,
With a DNR notice stuck above my head.
Real cheerful, I know.
He's sat beside me,
Reading a book that we both love aloud;
Because it hurts my head if I read.

When, out of the blue, she walks in.
He looks up, sees her, shakes his head.
Tells me he'll just be outside.
Because even now, he can't stand to be in the same room
With her.
Neither can I.
But that's only because I love her.

She comes and sits next to me,
Takes my hand,
Takes my oxygen mask off,
Tells me to smile,
Because she's there now.

I flex my fingers in her grasp,
And it hurts.
I move my eyes to look at her,
And it hurts.
I go to smile,
But it hurts.

She says it doesn't matter,
She knows I'm smiling on the inside.
Because I always am when she's near.

And that's when it hits me.
She's so far up her own arse it's unreal.
She picks up the book that he was reading to me,
Glances at it, dismisses it as unrealistic escapism.
And I can't reply.
I want to scream
'Of course it's escapism, fool, look at me!'
And I don't.
I want to tell her to leave,
And I don't,
I want to call him back in,
But I don't.

She carries on for a while,
Talking at me,
While I think of all the things I want to say to her,
Could have said,
Shouldn't have said,
Would have said if I'd had my time again.
And her thumb keeps stroking my hand.
I'm unable to talk to her at all.
Struck dumb by her egocentrism,
Or my illness, I'm not sure at first.

Her explanation of 'why we never would have worked'
Draws to a close, just as she finally gets to her point.
I'm not listening anyway anymore,
I want him back in with me.
He makes me feel better.
She leans in, kisses me goodbye.
Says she'll always remember me,
But I know she won't.
And it's better that way.
She leaves, he returns,

Initially, I'm happy it's him holding my hand again,
I can talk to him,
Tell him I love him.
Tell him I'm glad I chose him.

Once he starts to read again, my eyes turn to the door.
Though I was praying for her absence not minutes ago,
Now she's gone, I want her back once more.