My Life As Tom

When I was younger I remember watching Tom and Jerry on Saturday mornings and I could never figure out how they could be so hell bent on each other’s destruction, but be best friends at the same time. It just didn’t make sense to me. I could never figure out the relationship between Tom and Jerry and it’s no wonder I can never figure out what’s going on in my own personal life. If you can’t understand the interpersonal relationships of cartoon animals, it’s unlikely you’ll grow up to understand the complexity of relationships when they’re existing outside of Cartoon Network. Poor Tom.. all he wanted was for Jerry to stop running, stop hiding in that hole in the wall, stop teasing him only to lead him into some kind of trap and then run away. Tom should have stopped chasing Jerry, he should have said, “Fuck that mouse.” and found a nice cat who would simply curl up on the couch with him. That’s all he really wanted, he didn’t want the “cat and mouse” game, he just wanted to cuddle up on the couch and get high with a pretty cat. Tom just wanted to be loved.

The story of Tom and Jerry seems to be a reoccurring nightmare in my life, I can’t seem to escape the ideology I’ve had engraved into my mind since Kindergarten. Just love the mouse, chase the mouse and one day the mouse will love you back.. just kidding, the mouse is only going to drop a stack of plates on your head and push you into the sink. Stop loving the goddamn mouse, let that mouse hide away with it’s cheese in that hole in the wall because, that’s what the mouse wants. Not you, Tom.

Every relationship I’ve ever had functioned quite similar to the one portrayed in that cartoon, the person playing Tom? Oh, well that’s always me. Why can’t I find someone who doesn’t just want to be chased, someone who will stop running? When will I find someone who won’t hit me in the stomach with a sledge hammer and run away? Will I ever find someone who isn’t just another Jerry, or is this simply what’s in the cards for me.. am I always going to be Tom?

Now don’t get me wrong, Tom has done his fair share of terrible things to that little mouse as well but who could blame him? He’s only going to tolerate his tail being jammed into electrical sockets and smashed inside hot waffle irons for so long before he seeks some revenge of his own. C’mon, it’s completely understandable that he’d throw a stick of dynamite into your hiding hole after everything you’ve put him and his tail through. Did it ever occur to you that maybe Tom just wanted Jerry to get out of that fucking hole and stop hiding from him, that maybe he just wanted to spend some time with Jerry, get high and meow under some blankets? I’m sure he felt bad when the little mouse would run out of the wall screaming and on fire.. but what else was that sad cat supposed to do?

The only time Jerry ever considered leaving the safety and comfort of the walls he built up, the only time he came out of hiding.. was when Tom would bait him with a plate of cheese. As soon as the cheese was offered, Jerry came running out of his hole but when Tom started to get close, he’d run back into the wall again. All Jerry cared about was the cheese, he didn’t give a fuck about Tom.

Did you know in the final episode of the original Tom and Jerry series, they commit suicide together? In the episode Blue Cat Blues, Tom’s girlfriend leaves him for someone else. Tom tries to win her back and wastes all of his finances buying her diamonds, cars and other cat things just for her to choose Butch, the more muscular cat who was able to lift all the heavy things Tom couldn’t. Tom then tries to drown his sorrows in milk but surprisingly enough, Jerry comes and rescues him from drowning in the gutter. Too bad moments after sobering up from his milk addiction, Tom finds out that his love married Butch which sends him back into a deep depression. Sober and broken hearted, Tom decides to sit on the railroad tracks and wait for a train to end his life. While Tom waited for his train, Jerry’s relationship fell apart as well and his mouse girlfriend leaves him to marry that grey French mouse. Now just like Tom, Jerry is heart broken and alone. Looks to me like Tom and Jerry made poor relationship decisions.

In the final scene of Blue Cat Blues, Jerry joins Tom on the railroad tracks and together they sit.. waiting for the train to come.

Fuck you, Cartoon Network. It’s your fault I keep having dysfunctional relationships, thanks a lot.