deepundergroundpoetry.com
truth ii
eyes wide and alert
before they glaze over and are empty
(he looked empty)
(like plastic)
(he was no longer there)
(even though his body laid there)
final pull of that life giving breath into the lungs
before he shuts down entirely
and leaves this place
to find out what comes next
as we all wonder
what did he see in that final moment (?)
before they glaze over and are empty
(he looked empty)
(like plastic)
(he was no longer there)
(even though his body laid there)
final pull of that life giving breath into the lungs
before he shuts down entirely
and leaves this place
to find out what comes next
as we all wonder
what did he see in that final moment (?)
Published 19th Aug 2010
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Anonymous
19th Aug 2010 9:25am
Would the poem work better if the brackets were replaced with speech marks? I mean, the thing seems like a dialogue between the dead man's relations, as they ponder what his final image was, so I just thought that would suit it more. Anyway, this is a beautiful work, Nathan, haunting and yet romantic, in a strange sort of way.
23rd Aug 2010 7:15pm
Idk I just prefer parenthesis when writing something that's either spoken softly or just a background noise part of the poem.. thanks.. you know me I love to romance death.. cheers!
23rd Aug 2010 1:42pm
23rd Aug 2010 7:20pm
well thanks.. i actually went through and read all three to see what i thouught.. I think my latest poems are shit.. i had writers block for about a weeks and then came up with some garbage in my opinion.. but I'm glad you call this "breath taking" it's better than some of my newer ones i'll agree with that.. thanks as always hun.. cheers!
