Left Alone.

I close my eyes and the world spins faster and faster
as if it could go on better without me.
There’s a hole in my chest that rips further and further
as memories flood to my mind.
I have to keep busy or they continue coming.
Work and company are the only things that stop them
and sometimes those still fail.
I feel out of breath but at the same time I am still breathing.
I close my eyes again and visions pop in of the what ifs
and future possibilities that cannot exist.
How can happy visions bring such pain?
How can painful visions bring the slight possibility of relief?  
A strange numbness arrives that is only stopped by fading pictures
of things that will never be but once were.