deepundergroundpoetry.com
Personal Property by William Marsland
“No officer
I didn’t gut him first
nor did I knife him
splice him
cut and dice him
I merely stabbed him
through the heart
after telling him
not to ride my fuckin bike
then I shot my bike through the head
you’ll find her in the bedroom”
Published 24th Jul 2010
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Anonymous
24th Jul 2010 11:33pm
Amusing slice of dark comedy. I would recommend putting a "g" on the end of "fuckin," but that's just because I'm so neurotic regarding language. I did trip a little on the line "cut and dice him," though; would a second "him" after "cut" help?
All in all, however, this is a brilliant poem, one of the most original and inventive which I've read on this site recently.
All in all, however, this is a brilliant poem, one of the most original and inventive which I've read on this site recently.
25th Jul 2010 11:32pm
thanks for the feedback and the kind words.
i tend not to pronounce my g's but you're prob right i'll sort it out in a later edit. i'll also look at the him after cut as well.
i tend not to pronounce my g's but you're prob right i'll sort it out in a later edit. i'll also look at the him after cut as well.
10th Aug 2010 3:31pm
12th Aug 2010 11:33pm
14th Aug 2010 1:35am
14th Aug 2010 1:36am
