idkayy

To day I attened my great aunts funral......
I sat there listing to her children all in their 40s now talk about her how great she was how much she did for them and I couldn't help but to tear up but nit for them although I love my family very much I don't really cry at death....well any more atleast ya see almost 3 years ago I lost my 'mama' who was in fact my grandmother but was my basic care taker so to day as I heard them talking I couldnt help but think damn at least you had her this long.....I said goodbye to my mama when I was 11 and didn't even cry (actually I really didn't cry) I knew from that day id have to keep things together so I kept every thing together fine but then I finally slowed down and look at my self I was a wreck physicly I was pail lifeless cold my hair had been dyed black and black lip stick had covered the once bright smile thick black make up smered over my bright eyes emotinally I was now a bipolar depressed emo girl with cuts and a frown it was bad I still hurt all the time I still have emotional problems I guess all I can say is I'm getting better slowly(: and I'm strong(: