deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pomegranate
I am broken open and spread
A juicy pomegranate to be bled
Into hungry mouths I’m fed
Running over lips in
Long narrow drips,
My fruity liquid slips
Like a ruby red wine.
The curvature of my spine
Bends with the design
Of the palm of your hand
While the moon resides on your ceiling and
Glow-stick-stars stare down firsthand
Ravenous eyes seem to understand
All that was once despised
By ripe pulp and soft thighs
Has been suddenly apprised
Hopefully you will handle the sin
Pulsing from my seeds within
Playing upon your heart like a violin
A juicy pomegranate to be bled
Into hungry mouths I’m fed
Running over lips in
Long narrow drips,
My fruity liquid slips
Like a ruby red wine.
The curvature of my spine
Bends with the design
Of the palm of your hand
While the moon resides on your ceiling and
Glow-stick-stars stare down firsthand
Ravenous eyes seem to understand
All that was once despised
By ripe pulp and soft thighs
Has been suddenly apprised
Hopefully you will handle the sin
Pulsing from my seeds within
Playing upon your heart like a violin
Published 1st Sep 2009
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1st Sep 2009 10:28am
Impressive imagery skills. I like it. Welcome to the site. Thank you for sharing.
1st Sep 2009 11:01pm
3rd Sep 2009 1:03am
I like this part:
Like a ruby red wine.
The curvature of my spine
Bends with the design
Like a ruby red wine.
The curvature of my spine
Bends with the design
21st Nov 2009 2:22pm
19th Feb 2010 4:18pm
There is a flaw in your rhyme scheme--most of the rhymes are triplets, but you have one quartet. Essentially your rhyme scheme is AAABBBCCCDDDDEEEFFF, which has one to many D rhymes. The only reason it's troublesome is that there is no apparent reason for the inconsistency, and in a piece working with a specific scheme a single abberation is jarring for a reader and can easily distract someone looking at this as a specifically constructed set of words.
