deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cruel
You're so pathetic
You have no remorse.
For what you do to other people.
You're cruel
You're heart is black!
You may be nice,
But it's only sometimes
You're selfish
Annoying
Impatient
Arrogant
And just cruel
You think your so cool
But really your not
You have a heart
But it cares for no other
A cruel stroke of hatred
Rivits through your core
Your heartless
Souless
Rude
Crude
I can't even explain it.
Your cruel!
You have no remorse.
For what you do to other people.
You're cruel
You're heart is black!
You may be nice,
But it's only sometimes
You're selfish
Annoying
Impatient
Arrogant
And just cruel
You think your so cool
But really your not
You have a heart
But it cares for no other
A cruel stroke of hatred
Rivits through your core
Your heartless
Souless
Rude
Crude
I can't even explain it.
Your cruel!
Published 30th Nov 2012
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Dec 2012 5:07am
(Honest moment) ive been that guy. I could see my ex-gf writing smthn like this. Critique on the work is, if you want this person to seem really bad you could use a different line in place of line 7.
"You may be nice,
But it's only sometimes" It gives the impression that there is a good side to this person. Where as saying " your nice, but thats only a front", for example would make the person seem harsher. I somewhat think that's your aim, because you say "You're heart is black" meaning they do have a heart just only use it to love themselves. Either way you contradict it with line 19 "your heartless" .
I think it would help to get rid of the contradiction, to make it more of one solid emotion. Or the mixed emotion approach of drawing out some good traits of the person, should have a more specific example of how they are nice.
I know it's long but I hope this critique helps:)
"You may be nice,
But it's only sometimes" It gives the impression that there is a good side to this person. Where as saying " your nice, but thats only a front", for example would make the person seem harsher. I somewhat think that's your aim, because you say "You're heart is black" meaning they do have a heart just only use it to love themselves. Either way you contradict it with line 19 "your heartless" .
I think it would help to get rid of the contradiction, to make it more of one solid emotion. Or the mixed emotion approach of drawing out some good traits of the person, should have a more specific example of how they are nice.
I know it's long but I hope this critique helps:)
4th Dec 2012 5:18pm
