deepundergroundpoetry.com
Atlantis
I imagine all the bones once scattered throughout soil over centuries;
a deceased memory as their only memorial
and the only thing that made any of them significant, was love.
These forgotten fingers, arms and centipede spines
coast through the biggest, anonymous graveyard allotted
by some spacescape-jesters, or serendipity
and where did this love go? Dead too?
I'm beginning to think these bones are driftwood
to be washed ashore at some unutterable coast
free of humanity and known structures
arriving as something that can only be known;
its only evidence, felt.
I like to think we are getting closer to life with every tumor.
Death is a con or test of love and I'll love
though the skulls lay still beneath me
as I feel something stronger than life, than death.
Published 24th Nov 2012
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likes 8
reading list entries 2
comments 10
reads 1130
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The author encourages honest critique.
25th Nov 2012 2:23am
"...some unutterable coast
free of humanity and known structures"
fine line,
great rite,
a creativist write
well wrought...
wonder'full i'magery
free of humanity and known structures"
fine line,
great rite,
a creativist write
well wrought...
wonder'full i'magery
25th Nov 2012 11:38am
25th Nov 2012 2:57am
Ths is a great and hopeful little piece. Quite literally deep. I feel that strong kinship to Hughes I. this. Primal, geological, and impersonal flows that somehow give hope to the personal and the human. Damn, Mr. A. Just damn... damn... Speechless.
25th Nov 2012 11:42am
Hope is definitely the operative word, brag. I'm not much of a believer in what I wrote here, but there is that hope, like most humans. It's hard to put a line between hope and stupidity sometimes I think.
Far too kind here, and thank you.
Far too kind here, and thank you.
Atlantis..the title suits this write so much as if the whole write seems to stem from that beautiful historic island of hope, strategic plan & survival! And, I wonder how you drag your imagination across this line with lifeless shores & bones..all gravely giving prominence to love, spelt right in S1 & a stunning S4.
As Steve's words, gives a classic touch to your writes, haven't seen many at dup handling such universal themes of civilization, risk & survival..with love, of course! I could remember your another heavy themed one, B4 the last volcano spits us...
only I would add..is even S2 could have been formatted to start with first-person narrative, to look more similar in pattern, its just me:)
kudos to ur efforts & a gr8 read!
As Steve's words, gives a classic touch to your writes, haven't seen many at dup handling such universal themes of civilization, risk & survival..with love, of course! I could remember your another heavy themed one, B4 the last volcano spits us...
only I would add..is even S2 could have been formatted to start with first-person narrative, to look more similar in pattern, its just me:)
kudos to ur efforts & a gr8 read!
25th Nov 2012 11:49am
Was trying to keep the I out of it as much as possible to state things more solid than just my opinions or ideas/possible ideals, which is all anyone's writing is really, but sometimes an illusion can be portrayed with the right idea and execution.
Man, I'm waffling.
As always, wonderfully read, Uma. Thanks.
Man, I'm waffling.
As always, wonderfully read, Uma. Thanks.
25th Nov 2012 12:58pm
First bit reminds me of the start of a Ginsberg poem:
The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction
the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.
The phrasing of the first line works really well, with the 'all the', 'once', 'throughout', 'over' stretching it out so you get a feel of the distance in all those centuries, and 'centipede spine' is one of those images that when read makes you go 'yes! that's exactly what it's like!'.
Really like how bits of certain lines are separated at the end by commas, so you pause as you read in, and then fall onto the next words in a soft thump way that makes them more present.
My favourite bit is the last verse - how the short words scattered over the second line of it build up to a crescendo in a staccato way, and how the line dives off after 'love'. I read the next line as 'and I'll love/through the skulls that lay still beneath me'. It's great how it is, but the 'through', instead of the 'though', added, for me, this extra push and drive, making the sentiment of the last line even stronger.
I'm gonna say it: greeeeat job!
The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction
the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.
The phrasing of the first line works really well, with the 'all the', 'once', 'throughout', 'over' stretching it out so you get a feel of the distance in all those centuries, and 'centipede spine' is one of those images that when read makes you go 'yes! that's exactly what it's like!'.
Really like how bits of certain lines are separated at the end by commas, so you pause as you read in, and then fall onto the next words in a soft thump way that makes them more present.
My favourite bit is the last verse - how the short words scattered over the second line of it build up to a crescendo in a staccato way, and how the line dives off after 'love'. I read the next line as 'and I'll love/through the skulls that lay still beneath me'. It's great how it is, but the 'through', instead of the 'though', added, for me, this extra push and drive, making the sentiment of the last line even stronger.
I'm gonna say it: greeeeat job!
25th Nov 2012 10:10pm
25th Nov 2012 9:36pm
25th Nov 2012 10:11pm
