Rain Drops

Rain on down, pour it all over me,
Still with this acid in my eyes, I can't see.
Hail on me, because it's the only thing I can feel,
The only thing that pleases me and keeps me real.
Rain Drops; Quiet little thoughts.
Falling through the sky,
Wind rushes us by.
Clouds gracefully stay still.
A star falls.
A wish is made.
A song plays.
Memories and old hopes flash by,
I think of you from across the sky.
Remember us, we were so great.
I laugh and cry and wonder why I had to fuck up our fate.
I feel hopeless and helpless and hurt, because you won't let me need you.
I want to run to you and somehow make you forget my fuck ups.
Or just make you remember scented baths and hot, steamy showers,
With chains and handcuffs,
Candles and incense,
Intense, so intense.
Oiled, playful backrubs and wonderful, perfect moments.
Drug induced, prolonged sex...great sex....rough sex...sex that could make your head spin.
And kissing...
Kissing that could go on for hours & felt like soft, red roses being brushed against my lips.
And confessions...those long, agonizing confessions,
In which, I'm crying and desperately trying to just be happy.
With my Southern Comfort, off the rocks...thank you, please and my mediocre Mexican weed,
Marlboro 100's and your company.
You try to make me comfortable,
Somehow, in someway, it changed, we changed.
It just doesn't feel the same.
But you were the one who gave up and I pleaded you to stay.
You couldn't try anymore, it brought you down to be with me,
I was in your way.
Drain away dreams in my gutters and tread through this sewer of discontent,
Wallow in my regret and I'll then say you've walked my long, cursed walk, in my tattered, tired shoes.
Well, you too would lose your cool,
You might jump and scream and act like a fool.
If you knew my grief and unseen pain,
Maybe it could be the same.
Maybe then you would feel bad or you could understand.  


~Part of a letter to a lover--Written 1995