Alcohol relapse reality

I'm feeling really sad today
As I Had to send my friend away
back to her empty flat
with no furniture or bed
as she had no where else to stay

I feel so really bad I couldn't have her here
as im a recovering alcoholic
the danger and the fear
is that i could also pick up
ive just done my 6 years

sober is great but is also very hard
as you meet some  lovely people
that you love then  have to depart
while they are where they are

shes one of my best friends shes lovely shes a star
shes helped me so much as I was lonely,  she moved in
which makes me really selfish as i feel that  i have sinned
but when the demon alcohol seeps back in
you see your self right back where you have been

The decsion knowing how I did this,  felt so fucking raw
and for me to sleep in a comfy warm bed that night
knowing she was around the corner gave me the true insight of what I,m like

Selfish, as they say its a selfish disease
I bet she wouldn't of done that to me...

She is now in hospital and I know she is safe
but it  doesn't stop me feeling so much hate
as she has no one else
but i dont have the strength or the power
to fight this fucking disease
i have to put myself first
As i dont have another recovery left in me
its a selfish selfish fucking disease

I can feel it in my heart how lonely rejected she must feel
This fucking demon illness is really fucking cruel
but i have to stay strong
if  idont i would join her and just go along
the same path and i cant do it anymore
i need to stay sober you  gain so much more

but i feel like a cunt for doing what i done...
god bless you my love I pray for you and  will see you soon, I promise i will come