You Cant Escape Reality

Why am i doing this.
This attention thing is killing me.
Why do i want it so much.
Whats wrong with me.
        
Everything is wrong about you.
You're messing up and keep spiraling into a pit of disaster.
Your longing for attention is separating you from your parents,
from society.

I just dont know why i would go
to the low of "acting" as an emo or an outcast or a quiet little girl.
But in a way i am. Who goes to the extent to act this way,
an act,
not reality.
Maybe in a drama class,
but i suck at that so why is my mind telling me to do this.
It's so gruesome it gives me a reason to do more of the things i do.
I have a few more reasons, but they always lead back my hunger for attention,
for someone to reach out to me.
I get so frustrated with myself.
There is something wrong with me for being this ridiculous.

Maybe from all that aggravation and want you finally achieved your goal,
to have something wrong with you.
Hey you might even get noticed,
someone might actually send you to a therapist
so you can tell them about all this anger you are bottling up inside.
Go ahead punch yourself,
try to bruise yourself,
try to bleed,
try to purge,
but it's not going to work in your favor.
If there is such thing.
You are only going to get angrier since nobody is paying you any attention.
Go ahead try to go live a real life where you aren't pretending anymore.
But i'd have to be dead to see the day,
since you wont just snap out of it.
You'll be stuck in this trance for quite some time.
The scars might fade,
but will never vanish for good.

Just stop talking to me!
I can live a normal life after this.
Maybe i can see a therapist or some specialist
so they can extract you from my memory.
I just need to keep my mouth shut,
my thoughts locked away,
and myself looking as normal as any girl can possibly be.

Keep telling yourself that,
you will get nowhere.
Such a dumbass.
Think about it,
i've been with you this long,
why would i leave now.
Just think about it.