Family

i know theyre all sitting there
speaking things of which they do not know
dangerous depths they reach for
clutching only darkness when they want light

this isnt my life
you have molded me into someone cold and heartless
a shadow of a girl who once loved with a love so pure
a soul now enveloped in darkness

you reached for the love in me
but only grabbed hatred
you took from me my childhood
my happiness
this smile is now just a line that falters every now and then
but never around you
my guard is always up
the walls i built tower above
like being stuck in a well
i can look up and see everything i once had
but theres no way of ever capturing it again
no way of ever holding it in my arms

you make me feel guilty for things i never did
or atleast not in the way you exlpain them
you know nothing
nothing of what i am

i know there are things so much worse out there
like children who get molested and ones that starve
ones who have no family and others that have no home
but what about a girl whose heart has been so chewed away
that theres nothing left inside?
a girl who is the only one child so she gets pushed the most
what about the friendships and relationships that never work out?
or the family who feeds on gossip and pries at every little
detail til theres no secrecy?
what if her mother died of drugs and she knows nothing of her dad?
is that not supposed to eat away at her soul too?

it does.
everything builds up and explodes
causing me to close up and block everything out
the feelings, the happiness
i drink it all away
but i have control over them afterwards
theres no little girl crying and needed to feel loved inside
theres nothing but that numb sensation
and i welcome it each time