deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cold
My heart was dark, even twisted
Feelings cold and distant
then her light
warm and bright
it saved me
saved me from the darkening night
only to stab me in the back
twist the knife
and leave me bleeding
grief and pain
quickly seeding
taking root
in mind and soul
turning my heart
black as coal
blind in the dark
no hope in sight
so i turn cold and bitter
like this winter night
Feelings cold and distant
then her light
warm and bright
it saved me
saved me from the darkening night
only to stab me in the back
twist the knife
and leave me bleeding
grief and pain
quickly seeding
taking root
in mind and soul
turning my heart
black as coal
blind in the dark
no hope in sight
so i turn cold and bitter
like this winter night
Published 2nd Nov 2012
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likes 2
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Nov 2012 10:37pm
I feel you forced the rhyming in this poem just a bit, I thought the structure was well, and it did correlate with the title of your poem. If you add a little more work to this, touch it up just a bit, im sure it will come out better. Other than that I thought this was a good poem.
5th Nov 2012 6:06pm
thank you and yeah i did kind of force it. im still thinking of better ways to express the feelings i had
14th Nov 2012 1:44am
