PTSD

I think the flashbacks are the worst
you never know what might trigger it
a word, a thought, a touch

The way people stare at you
When you start shaking during class
Or how they love to laugh at you
Scream and quiver when they grab you from behind

Though they don't understand
That when I zone out and shake
Thank I'm holding in screams as I go back
Back to that room on that day to
Feel myself being raped all over again

Or that when I scream when they touch me
Though it only lasts a minute
I get taken back again
To feel their bodies on top of me
Grabbing at my flesh, beating me to death

With the nightmares though
They hurt more and last longer
At least I can suffer in peace

The vivid dreams that aren't dreams
I go back to that room with those boys
I can feel their hot breath on my neck
Their pounding flesh ripping me open
I feel every pain I did then

You cant wake yourself up from these nightmares
I have to wait for the part where they strangle me
So I can wake up screaming gasping for a breath
I don't sleep most nights now but when i do
My mind makes sure i dream as vivid as possible